


Something to believe in

by jyusan



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-29
Updated: 2012-08-29
Packaged: 2017-11-13 02:31:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 52,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/498467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jyusan/pseuds/jyusan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur is a secret agent who is dedicated to his job, but recent happenings in his life made him second guess the path he had been following. When Gaius sends him to a seemingly boring mission, he needs to employ the help of the mysterious and eccentric hacker Merlin. The two of them try to uncover an underground medicine conspiracy while struggling against the chemistry that pulls them together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first big story, I think it's longer than all the things I've ever written put together. Sadly I didn't have as much time for it as I hoped I would, neither did the story get beta'd thanks to some circumstances, but maybe that will be revised later. I'm very thankful for the organization and the support the Paper Legends fest provided, I wouldn't have managed to finish otherwise. A trillion a thanks go to [ko-no-yo@LJ](http://ko-no-yo.livejournal.com) for bearing with me and creating absolutely amazing arts for the story you should check out [here](http://ko-no-yo.livejournal.com/821.html). Additional thanks to my Twitter friends and my boyfriend for supporting me through these rough times.  
> The story was intended to be a simple, silly action movie adaptation, I hope at least some of you will have fun reading it. :)
> 
>   
> 

**14/03/2012, 9.12 a.m. GMT**

**Undisclosed location, England**

“The third floor is clear, state your positions” Arthur said into his headset as he stepped over the unconscious body on the floor and walked to the end of the corridor.

“First floor, busy” puffed Elyan through the speaker.

“Ground clear, heading up” added Leon.

Then silence. Arthur frowned, mentally going through the order while shouldering open a door. When after 10 seconds no sound broke the general noise, he spoke again.

“Gwaine?”

After another 5 seconds of nothing he turned back from the empty office he walked into.

“Percival, confirm your situation” he said this time, half-running back the way he came before.

“Second floor, we got separated - I’m heading east” came the steady answer, but Arthur continued on his way to what appeared to be the more heavily guarded area.

“Gwaine’s status is OK- oh” Percival’s voice in the communication line abruptly faded with a breath and Arthur gave up his careful movements and broke out into a run as he reached the staircase. Taking out both Percival and Gwaine? That was just incomprehensible.

“What happened? I’m heading there” he said, jumping two steps at a time.

A few seconds passed before Percival’s choked breathing filled the speaker again. “No it’s-” the hiccuping noise he made sounded like laughing, and Arthur wondered what could have pushed the big man to hysterics while checking which side of the building he was at. “It’s not critical” Percival finished, but Arthur was already on his way to the open door he presumed to be on the east side, easily skipping between some motionless bodies.

He rushed into the room, gun held high and quickly assessed the situation. He first saw Gwaine, standing in the middle, not appearing to have a scratch on him, looking at ease. A few steps behind him was Percival, who seemed equally amused and was covering his mouth with both hands. Arthur gained understanding of the puzzling scene as he rounded the door and saw the two black leather-clad women, apparently in the middle of an intense make-out session. He recognized one of them as Elena, and really - from that point on there was nothing left to deduce.

He fired a warning shot in the ceiling.

“What” Arthur started, walking menacingly to the middle of the room, “exactly is going on here?”

The girls fluttered apart and Arthur recognized with a dejected sigh the other one as Mithian.

“Well you see, before you arrived and ruined ever-” Gwaine started in an indignant voice but stopped as Arthur brought up his gun and pointed it at his forehead. He kept looking at the girls questioningly.

“What?” asked Elena, returning his glare. “You’ve never seen a distraction ploy before?”

“Not such a dishonorable one, no” Arthur spat.

Elena threw back her head with a ringing laugh. “Dishonorable? So you really consider yourself an actual  _ knight _ ?” she dragged out the last word teasingly. Arthur ignored Gwaine’s sniggering in the background and turned to Mithian.

“I expected more of you.”

Mithian had the courtesy to look sheepish but didn’t appear to be affected by Arthur’s disapproval either.

“More than completely kicking your arse on the mission?” she asked cheekily.

“You did not-,” Arthur spluttered but upon seeing the girls’ confidence he continued into his activated microphone instead, “Elyan? Leon? What’s your status?”

“Yielded, my king,” came Elyan’s answer, “can we go watch the lesbian action, too?”

Arthur felt his head heating from the anger he felt at the general incompetence around him and tried to focus on the last sensible concerns.

“Where was the client? First floor, giant office?” he asked the girls.

Elena stepped closer, ignorant to the visible tension of his body, and whispered in his ear, “first floor, supply room”. The condescending tone didn’t help Arthur’s mood, and he had to keep himself from snapping as Elena sauntered out of the room. Mithian gave him a rueful smile then followed after the other girl.

Gwaine batted Arthur’s hand away, which was still frozen with the gun pointing towards him. “Man, totally best field day ever” he said and gave a high-five to Percival. As he turned back grinning widely, Arthur punched him square in the jaw.

“The fuck?” Gwaine swore, brushing the blood from his split lips.

“Is this,” Arthur started, trying to control his anger, “is this all just a joke to you?”

“‘twas just practice man, calm the fuck down” Gwaine answered, frowning at him. 

“Not practice. Controlled simulation.” Arthur let his anger loose, stepping closer to the other man. “Had this been a real mission, it would have cost us the client’s life. Elyan’s and Leon’s too.”

“Of course if it was a real mission I would have-” Gwaine started, rolling his eyes, but Arthur interrupted him.

“You what? Would have only watched them for four minutes instead of five?” Percival snickered quietly in the background at that, and Arthur pushed Gwaine in the chest once more for great measure. “We will talk about this more on the plane”

Gwaine glared back at him, but didn’t say anything until Arthur left the room. Still, the empty corridor walls carried his voice well enough.

“Jesus, what’s got up his ass? Or what hasn’t? Either way, we should solve that.”

Percival’s ringing laughter followed Arthur until he reached the staircase, until he slammed the door to it, letting the metal resonate from the power of pent up tension in his body.

-

Climbing seven storeys by foot was enough to quell Arthur’s burning anger, but not enough to make the disappointment and the annoyance leave him.

Today’s scripted training wasn’t the first one they had with the graduates of The Crime Academy, as Camelot organized such events regularly to size up who could be valuable assets for their organization in the future. Arthur himself had been approached after a similar exercise several years ago, so he always went about these practices with a nostalgic excitement and a great sense of responsibility for finding the people whom could be trusted with the country’s protection. He’d always stay to share a few words of advice and encouragement with the ones he saw potential in, and despite having his eyes set on several of this year’s graduates - one of them being Mithian herself -, this day he didn’t stop by to talk with anyone.

Because this mission was unique in that it wasn’t a test of only the graduates, but also the new Round Table initiative Arthur had proposed. Well, not the name, but that kind of gained its own right as people collected around the idea. The idea itself was a simple one: collect a group of agents, each remarkable in their own right, and create a small, efficient task force with them. Camelot’s profile was defined by single or double missions focusing on stealth and secrecy, not bigger ambushes or attacks as befitting the legal police units, and Arthur had to reason very convincingly for his proposition to get clearance.

The organization’s motto was “stay strong, stay invisible”. Camelot was a government-independent collection of special agents, and their goal was to prevent any threat against Great Britain that might pass the MI5’s physical or moral radar - all the while staying in the shadows and not leaving a sign of their involvement. While forcing invisibility restricted their motions, it was what gave them freedom to act independently, always on a moral and never a political base. So when Arthur proposed the idea of training a bigger group, suited for raids and more extensive mission, there were debates about whether or not that clashed with the organization’s ideals.

_ Well, there won’t be any more arguments _ , Arthur thought dejectedly, considering that the trial run of their group ended in such a complete failure. He climbed the stairs slowly, counting with every step: Lancelot, the marksman; Elyan, the stealthiest; Leon, the master of disguise; Percival, the “wall”; and Gwaine, the unpredictable. Each of them were remarkable and successful on their own, and Arthur hoped that the efficiency could be multiplied by combining all of their talents in a team.

His motivations were not completely innocent - Owain’s death last autumn affected him more than it ought to have, and he had been subconsciously searching for both the reasons and the solutions to prevent such tragedy in the future. He felt that the organization’s need for secrecy demanded a higher price - they didn’t sign up for martyrdom, and whether or not someone was ready to die for their country ought to be their personal decision. The shady circumstances surrounding Owain’s sacrifice had caused unrest among many agents, and while Arthur was no leader of the group, despite jokes about his name, he hoped he could create a better, more inspiring mood with bringing the people closer together and establishing a more reliable environment.

The organization’s founders were not supportive of creating stronger personal links among agents who were facing life threatening situations on a monthly basis, but when Arthur’s friends backed him up, there was no opposition against giving them a try. And so they got this day, this staged mission with a bit of a flavour - and completely buggered it up as far as Arthur could see. He wondered if his friends were committed to idea at all, or only to him - and the latter possibility didn’t make him feel that much better either.

“Was it that bad?” asked Lancelot when Arthur finally reached the top of the building and approached the other man by the plane.

“Two men rendered useless, other two brought down by a bunch of teens - how worse could it have been?” he countered and climbed into the small jet, dropping down on a seat, suddenly realizing that all the adrenaline had gone from his body and he was left with aching tiredness.

“Vicious teens who are dying to prove themselves” Lancelot said and followed him inside, “they had more to lose today than us”.

“If this is intended to make me happy, it’s not working,” grumbled Arthur and he crossed his arms, hating the way Lancelot’s calm and reasonable voice already started creeping under his skin.

“Queens are hard to please, Lancelot, don’t you know?” came Gwaine’s voice, then the man himself flopped down on the chair opposite Arthur. They quietly measured each other for a while, and Arthur realized he was too tired to argue anymore, but also too stubborn to give in easily.

“All I wanted was for everyone to act responsibly, but clearly that’s too much to ask,” he spat instead.

Gwaine rolled his eyes. “Bullshit. You wanted to humiliate the kids so that the bosses would accept the Round Table.”

Arthur’s anger rose again at the accusation. “What? I’d never make use of them for-”

“Arthur,” interjected Leon as he climbed into the jet, followed by Elyan and Percival, “we’ve been to the third floor. I’ve never seen you go this hard on the graduates before.”

“I didn’t hurt any of them bad, it’s all a lesson,” Arthur said, puzzled at what appeared to be a ganging up against him. Gwaine’s rebellious nature was one thing, but Leon had always been more careful with his assessments.

“It took several seconds to wake them up, you knocked them out so hard,” Elyan said, but without any actual accusation in his voice.

“You were really giving it your best today, weren’t you?” added Percival, and this was the tipping point, the soft patronising tone that sent Arthur into a new wave of rage.

“Well excuse me for actually giving a shit about our work!” he shouted and the words resonated in a shameful silence. “Do any of you actually care about the initiative?!”

“Yes, we do care about your ridiculous noble intentions,” Gwaine answered, more seriously this time, “there is a reason it’s called the Round Table, you wanker.”

Arthur measured the four guys looking at him earnestly, without any ridicule in their eyes, and he sank back to his seat, mumbling a quiet “well it doesn’t matter much now, we’ve officially failed.”

“As long as we’re alive, the Round Table initiative is alive, too” Percival said, and the implications of it almost made Arthur shed a manly tear. Almost.

Before the silence could become too emotional, Lancelot buckled himself up in the pilot’s seat and asked “Are you done making up morally touching excuses for hiding your boners for lesbian fanservice?”

Their collective laughter was drowned out by the buzzing of the aircraft.

-

Arthur braced himself for the inevitable teasing and ridicule that would welcome them at Camelot Headquarters at the failure of their mission, but it never came. Not a single person commented on the Round Table initiative’s future, yet quite a lot hurried to express their opinions about whom should be the selected graduates for the agency. In the 8 years Arthur had spent at the organization, he had never witnessed such enthusiasm regarding the selection process and the test evaluation. He had to spend his entire lunch break and some time after it listening to various agents, who were not out on duty at the moment, detailing how refreshing Elena’s creativity was and that it’d be critical they employ her in the future -  _ preferably along with her lovely friend, Mithian, because it’d be cruel to separate them, wouldn’t it? _

The agents who were not harassing him took turns in listening to Gwaine’s retelling of the “distraction ploy”, which got more detailed and heated with every version.

When Arthur finally shook off Morris, who’d even written a list of Elena’s good qualities and talents, his head was full of the girls. He made a mental note to have a public announcement to the agents that abstinence was not actually among their list of house rules, and everyone should be so kind as to leave their personal issues back home. He settled down in his appointed, lonely and dusty office to start writing his official report about the morning.

Except he found out he couldn’t recall anything about the individual candidates. He dropped his head in his hands with an embarrassed sigh as he realized that he had been indeed completely preoccupied by proving himself and his idea instead of inspecting his opponents. He hadn’t done that since he passed 23. The rush way he eliminated everyone on floor 3 didn’t allow enough time for assessments, and he could barely recall the faces of the kids he knocked out - although he could pretend they didn’t leave a lasting impression on him because they were simply not that good, and not because they were not given the chance to act properly. Other than his actions there, he only went to the second floor - and despite the efficiency of the ploy, he didn’t want to praise the girls’ actions when that mainly worked because of the particularity of this mission (and thanks to Gwaine’s idiocy).

Arthur was staring at the blank paper in vain for several minutes when Gwen knocked on his door.

“Gaius wants to see you in the high room, they have a mission for you” she said with a slight annoyance in her voice, probably at being used as a messenger again, which she regularly reminded everyone not to be among her obligations. Her main occupation at the organization was of a mechanic’s, or “gadget guru” as some of the guys referred to her, but over the years she grew into an advisor and a kind of mother hen to all.

Arthur stood up, glad to be relieved of his fruitless task, but maybe he acted too obviously because Gwen asked, “have you finished writing your report about today?”

He scratched his head, feeling like a kid caught red handed - Gwen was one of the very few people who could make him feel like that.

“I couldn’t recall anything worthwhile yet,” Arthur admitted sheepishly and made for the door, hoping to avoid any further conversation about the topic, but Gwen was far too attentive to be distracted when she found a weak emotional spot she could probe at until she made big and strong men cry into her lap.

“Were too preoccupied with the Round Table initiative?” she asked, following him out, and Arthur was just a tiny bit touched someone still remembered and cared for that futile idea of his.

“Yeah... but well, that’s over and gone now” he said glumly as they stopped to wait by the elevator.

“Or maybe it’s time just hasn’t come yet? Don’t give up so easily” Gwen answered, and her honest warm smile made Arthur feel somewhat at ease for the the first time that day.

“Do you and Lance take comforting lessons or what?” he teased.

Once in the elevator, Gwen pushed the button 10 then smirked at him. “Nah, we just like to bestow our inner harmony on others.”

Arthur laughed at the face she pulled - teasing Gwen and Lance about their ironically destined romance would never cease to be funny, but it was alright because they had a ridiculously happy and sappy romance that had lasted several years now, much to the envy of many agents who had trouble settling down.

Arthur was not among the jealous ones, even if others tried implying so based on his namesake. Quite the opposite, he had no interest in settling down yet, despite Director Annis’ regular reminder that “his sperms are getting older and he should pass down his amazing DNA before it’s too late”.

He hadn’t had the heart to tell her yet that his bisexuality moved higher on the Kinsey scale in the past few years, but it wasn’t like the love of his life was bound to jump in his life anytime soon anyway. Which, considering his job, was something he was overall thankful for.

Annis wasn’t in the main meeting room when Arthur finally entered with Gwen, only Gaius, which calmed him. His nerves had suffered enough already that day, and while he admired Annis’ strict and demanding methods, he was content to spend the briefing with only Gaius’ soft guidance.

“How are you, old man?” Arthur asked as he dropped down opposite Gaius at the table, which, despite all the circumstances, was not actually round.

“Don’t call me that” their seventy-two-year-old Chief grouched, but he was smiling, “How was the trial mission?” he countered.

“You know well, don’t ask me about it,” Arthur grumbled, imitating Gaius’ previous tone and they quietly smiled at each other over the table, knowing they’d talk about their feelings over a cup of tea later, when they were no longer confined in these official surroundings.

“Can we start, gentlemen?” Gwen asked from behind her laptop, where she had prepared the presentation.

“Yes, thank you Gwen,” Gaius said as the projection screen came alive, then he started paging with the remote controller.

“One of the agents tracking Agravaine could finally confirm today that he has been consulting with Viviane N., an acclaimed professor of biochemistry, among others. We have good reason to believe they were not discussing his personal medication” Gaius started and a somewhat blurry image taken of two people from afar appeared on the screen. Arthur could recognize Agravaine easily - he was “public enemy number one”, the head of the biggest known crime circle in England and the mind behind several illegal schemes in the past. They’d been following his activities for years, successfully balking his plans on a few occasions, but never managing to corner the man himself officially. Arthur sat up straighter in his seat, growing more serious at the mention of the crime lord.

“Is Viviane presumed to be innocent or willingly involved?” Arthur asked, focusing on the long black haired woman on Agravaine’s arm, trying to figure out whether the strange feeling in his guts was recognition or not. She looked confident and in control of the situation, not like someone misled - or at least not someone who knew about it, but Arthur couldn’t remember seeing or hearing about her before.

“She disappeared from the public eye a decade ago because of a research scandal,” Gaius answered, zooming in on the woman’s face, “we don’t have any records of her activities in the past years but based on the current reports its presumed she is aware and actively part of the scheme.”

Arthur nodded; clarifying each people’s status always made him more efficient in his missions. There might be a world where the benefit of doubt was admirable, but in his it was a luxury he couldn’t afford.

“And the scheme is?” he prompted after Gaius got lost in his thoughts for several seconds, starting at the screen with a vacant expression. The Chief cleared his throat and brought up to the next slide.

“The scheme is what you need to figure out” he said and Arthur frowned in confusion - there was already an agent on surveillance duty and he usually got field missions, “the previous picture was taken last week when they were seen entering and leaving the MHRA office together”

“The Medicines and Healthcare products Regulatory Agency,” Gwen interjected the translation before Arthur could open his mouth, and Gaius nodded in thanks.

“The MRHA is responsible for the regulation of medicines and health devices. Viviane has been working on various drugs in the past and now we think she has a project Agravaine has found interest in,” Gaius continued as more images loaded, most of them even blurrier than the first one. “The problem is, despite reaching inside the MRHA’s system, we couldn’t find anything relevant, so we don’t know what the goal of their meeting actually was.”

“What we do know, by pure chance, is that Viviane will be attending an Innovation Conference in Chicago two weeks from now,” an image of the conference advert and an older woman appeared on the screen, “she has expressed interest in Alice M.’s lecture about connecting with consumers.”

“When you say expressed interest...” Arthur started asking, wondering about what the publicity could mean.

“It was in private - Alice is an old acquaintance of mine and she called me after Viviane approached her,” Gaius answered, looking a bit stiff but his face a blank mask. “We’ve been trying to uncover more information about her when the first suspicions about her collaboration with Agravaine surfaced, but she appears to be good at hiding. Attending this public event is an act of boldness that could be alarming, that’s why we need to focus more on this scheme.”

“But you said that both of them are already tracked. Where do I come in the picture?” Arthur blurted out the obvious question.

“Tracking and surveillance are primarily passive tasks without actual involvement. This time we can’t let her get out of our sight without getting more information about their plans, so you’ll need to take the open and get as close as possible without revealing your identity.”

“Solo mission then” Arthur concluded, already starting to make a mental list in preparation for the health conference.

“Actually, not” Gaius said with a small, slightly anxious smile, and before Arthur could start wondering about a fitting companion, the slides changed and a very low quality picture of a man he hadn’t seen before appeared.

“After being blocked out of the MRHA and their communication system, we have good reason to believe Viviane’s security system is incredibly complex, so for this mission you’ll have to partner up with someone who has enough knowledge to possible get through the protections.”

Arthur critically inspected the grainy image of the big eared man, who appeared younger the more he looked at him. “I do know how to hack, more people would just endanger the-”

“Both Agravaine and Viviane are surrounded by a small, but very loyal followers - about whom you can find more information later” Gaius interrupted him angrily, “holding a gun to their head and telling them ‘sudo tell me all your secrets’ won’t actually work this time. If we want to get hold of their communication lines and other coded information, we will need Merlin’s expertise,” he finished, nodding towards the screen.

Arthur snorted out loud, completely losing his professional edge. “Merlin? Is that really his name or has he already been adopted by the company?”

Gaius suddenly turned from frustrated to cold. “He is called Merlin”, he answered curtly, glaring at Arthur, who was taken aback by the Chief’s reaction - Camelot’s habit of re-christening their agents for the protection of their identity was a constant source of humour, with Arthur himself being the butt of most of the jokes, so he didn’t understand why his comment appeared to offend Gaius but he withdrew and tried regaining his previous seriousness.

“So, Merlin. Is he an agent? Has he worked with us before?” he tried considering the stranger with the lopsided grin on the web cam picture a possible working partner, despite his gut instincts.

“No, he is not agent. You’ve been chosen for this mission because we believe you can handle the possible additional difficulties of the partnership,” Arthur silently rejoiced - undercover mission with babysitting, the best combination ever. Gaius might have picked up on the thoughts showing on his expression because he sighed tiredly, “however, he is a very talented hacker who has helped us out on a few special occurrences in the past and I have great trust in his abilities”.

The Chief’s trust was something Arthur wouldn’t second guess, but that didn’t mean he could naturally extend the same courtesy to everyone. “Fine” he said in a defeated voice, “will he join us later on the briefing? Does he have any field training?”

Gaius’ previous indignant tone faded away as he somewhat embarrassedly adjusted the folder in front of him. “Actually, the first step of your mission is to convince him to accompany you.” Arthur slumped in the chair in surprise, but Gaius held up a hand before he could complain. “I’ve already arranged a meeting for you, but you’ll have to inform him about the basics, and if he agrees to help you can let him in on the details”.

Arthur wondered if the days’ previous actions had put him in a surreal dream, because in all the years he had worked for the company he never experienced such lack of organization around any mission.

“I want to stress that his involvement is crucial for our success” Gaius added, looking a bit abashed. Arthur just nodded numbly, thinking that he would have found it easier even if he was ordered to invade the Pentagon by himself.

“I see that you have a lot to process,” Gaius said after clearing his throat, guiding the talk back to a bit more serious tone, “you’ll find all the necessary information on a pendrive and your travel documents in the folder; you’ll fly to Germany this Sunday too meet up with Merlin”

“Sure, Germany” Arthur repeated vacantly, still staring at the poor image of his future partner.

“Gwen, could you please fetch us some tea?” Gaius said after a few minutes of awkward silence during which Arthur kept staring at the screen with a growing grimace.

“I’m not a maid” huffed Gwen but she still left the room, all the while biting her lips in struggle against her grin.

-

Arthur approached every challenge in his life with the same steadfast determination, whether it was about protecting an annoying politician, hunting down a drug dealer, or rescuing a hostage from under heavy guard. There were no impossible situations in his eyes, only easier and harder ones - which might not have been the healthiest view on life, but he had long ago learned that physical scars always faded sooner than those left by regret or guilt.

It took a few sips of warm tea and Gwen dropping a box of gadgets in front of him for him to forget about all his reserves and get back to his usual goal oriented mindset. He still didn’t understand why was he chosen for the mission, when he was known for being better at taking out people than getting information out of them - stealth and patience were his weaker points, and it looked like both of those would be strained in the upcoming weeks. He still disfavored the idea of having a untrained outsider on the mission, but he decided to stop rebelling against the idea and try thinking of ways to accommodate it.

He spent the next few days learning everything that was available about the mission - reports of Agravaine’s known henchmen, their equipments; the tidbits they had collected about Viviane and all the information about the organization of the “Food Technology and Innovation Forum North America 2012” conference. He would have preferred to learn more about his partner ahead of time as well, but the details about Merlin in his files were scarce: the sole idiotic web cam picture which appeared to be taken without his consent, few words about growing up in England then leaving for Germany but nothing about the reasons for it, his current address in Magdeburg (but no other contact information) and some notes about his studies. He supposedly earned a PhD in software engineering by the time he was 22, but has been working as an ethical hacker since then - but the word ethical was between apostrophes in the text. Arthur still had a hard time imagining how they could work together, never mind how would he be able to convince the guy to accompany him. He based his mental images of the guy on the few tech freaks he met and that sitcom with the weird guys in the basement.

Instead of stressing pointlessly ahead about his future work partner, he spent more time familiarizing himself with the gadgets Gwen gave to him - trackers, miniature listening devices, sunglasses with a built in camera, and a few other things he wasn’t sure he would even get to use. Thanks to the nature of his past missions he hadn’t met much of Gwen’s work before and now he marvelled at their usefulness and complexity, admiring the new, almost perfectly invisible communication set in particular, which wasn’t anything like the heavy headset they used recently. He decided it wasn’t in vain to put a great percentage of the agency’s budget into the technical department after all.

The passing days made him gradually more excited and energetic just from the prospect of being in action once again, but it was with a heavy heart he set out to visit his father the day before his departure.

Arthur had never really had a close relationship with his father - Uther had been strict and demanding throughout his entire childhood and teenage years, but the rare praises and signs of love were enough for Arthur to keep going, even if not making him happy at all times. He had nothing but respect for his father, who was an accomplished agent and chief of the MI5 as well. Arthur thought that Uther did the best he could - but it wasn’t easy to create a loving environment after watching both of his wives pass away, and while Arthur sometimes felt that his father would never forget that it was his birth that took away Igraine from him, Uther never said so himself, internalizing his pain for long years.

But all of that changed a year ago, and Arthur had to watch the carefully built persona of his father crumble down as he was unable to deal with another loss. When after graduating college Morgana declared that she wanted to officially disown their father and not have any contact with her family in the future, Uther argued and cursed as always - but as weeks passed and Morgana’s threats became reality, the once powerful an inviolable agent, the knighted hero of England abandoned reality as well.

His father’s slow descent into madness was quite possibly the hardest thing Arthur had to experience in his entire life, and even more painful than the actual slap from his stepsister - because although he used to love her dearly (and some parts of him always would), he could deal through anger with her betrayal, unlike that of his father’s spirit.

It took Arthur half a year to admit to himself and convince his father that he needed help. The self-destructive lifestyle and the alcoholism Uther fell into after being unable to get hold of Morgana for weeks was a testament to his true, hidden feelings for his children - but Arthur could never really appreciate that confirmation when it was served like this.

His mind was heavy with memories during the three hour drive to Weston-super-Mare, and he couldn’t help wondering about how his father ended up the way he did - from showing close to no signs of affection for those around him to heartbreak destroying him. Like many things concerning his father, it made Arthur examine his own life and decisions, but too close inspection made him uncomfortable. Dealing with things head on had always been a more comfortable approach for him, and he had yet to find a way he could materialize his confusing feelings and beat them to an agreeable form.

He pulled up before Broadway Lodge, the nursing home that had been treating his father for the past months, and gave himself a few seconds to clean his mind and prepare himself for what was about to come.

He kindly greeted Sophia and asked about her day, indulging her for a few minutes of idle chat he kept up for his father’s sake, ignoring the ways the young training nurse made not so subtle offers for more time after time. He didn’t ask her about his father’s state, not anymore - whoever was in charge of him had always been optimistic, recounting how many things Uther can do by himself and how long it had been since he last mentioned wine, none of them really realizing how the simple fact these were considered as accomplishments in his father’s life now depressed Arthur. So the only thing he always asked about was his health and current location, and the latter happened be the vast garden on this bright spring day.

“Hello father, it’s me” he introduced himself ahead a bit louder as he approached Uther who was sitting in his wheelchair by the lake. He wasn’t physically dependent of the chair, but it was easier to make the effort of moving at all with its help, or so the caretakers had said months ago.

“Arthur” Uther answered in a soft voice, as if waking from a daze. The nurses always told Arthur, even without prompting, how much his father talked about him and missed him, and as he saw the unguarded happiness on his father’s face, Arthur was overcome with guilt for not finding the time and power to come more regularly to visit him.

“How are you?” Arthur asked, opening the camping chair he got from Sophia to sit down by Uther’s side.

“Nice. Isn’t the weather nice, Arthur?” Uther looked at the trees ahead, cocking his head to the side, as if he found something very interesting ahead, but Arthur couldn’t see anything. He didn’t even try to guess.

“Yes, it’s very nice. No spring snow this year” Arthur answered in an even and calm voice, but he clenched his fist. He would never get used to this version of Uther, and his groggy openness made them feel more apart than ever before.

Uther chuckled lightly, like Arthur just made the funniest joke. He could count on one hand the amount of times he saw his father laugh back before all this, back before well tailored walls of his fell apart.

“We will see. We will see” Uther said, bemused. Arthur still remembered his voice, heavy with condemning edge and judgement whenever anyone did something he didn’t agree with; Arthur still remembered the way it felt impossible to please this man, man of high standards and unshakable opinion, and he wondered whether that was what pushed Morgana away, to make her stop trying at all, but he didn’t want to find any excuses for that betrayal that made him bleed as well.

Instead he kept looking at his father, the way he seemed to look at the world and see nothing and everything at all, floating by the minutes and the days without a purpose - and Arthur thought even the distant dinners, the tight smiles and impossible expectations were better than this, and he would rather hear harsh words than words without a meaning at all.

The scenery was peaceful as was their talk in the upcoming minutes, but Arthur felt more strangled by every second, his mind overwhelmed by an army of emotions he fought for both of them, and he ended up blurting out sooner than intended, “I came by to tell you I’m going abroad for a while, I might not be able to visit you for a couple of weeks”.

That made Uther stop abruptly in his recalling of what had happened the day before with a squirrel and another patient and his slumped body grew more rigid. Arthur found himself pathetically comforted by his father’s familiar, more serious image.

“Where are you going?” Uther asked with a more steady voice, and for a delusional moment Arthur pretended this was just like whenever he had left for a longer mission in the past, when his father’s comments were nonchalant yet demanding of success. 

“Germany. Then the States. It’s vague after that,” he answered, savoring the fact that he could hold his father’s gaze without having to look away in embarrassment. But Uther nodded and the moment was gone, and he turned to look ahead with vacancy in his eyes again, appearing as if the small exchange tired him out. He started talking about a TV show he saw the other day, and Arthur listened obediently - that, at least, appeared to have not changed.

He had lunch with Uther and the nurses at the cottage, taking notice of the different patients in the corner of his eye, finding himself thinking about life’s frailness once more. He had seen many people die by bullets, but the kind of slow death the body waged against itself was a brand of tragedy he now, after the past year, feared even more.

He left the cottage at sundown, thanking all the caretakers for their hard work once more. As he turned to say goodbye to his father, he was surprised to see clear comprehension in his eyes. Uther grabbed his hand and looked up at him with a stern expression, “You will come back, alright?”

Arthur couldn’t do much but nod, his throat constricted by the words he should have said but couldn’t, and even though Uther turned back to his dazed self a second later, he couldn’t forget that second - he didn’t want to, clinging to it like he used to cling to those rare half smiles when he excelled in a competition when younger.

His drive back to London felt much longer than the way before, and there was no music or extraordinary event to shake out the day’s thoughts from his mind. Back in his small city flat he dedicated the night to reading through all the files he knew by heart then, refusing to think about how this was all just a different kind of distraction and what he needed it for.

He had lived his whole life in his father’s shadow, desperately trying to grow up to be that same respected man \- and now he no longer knew who that was.


	2. Chapter 2

**19/03/2012, 11.42 a.m. CET**

**** **Magdeburg, Germany**

“Clean all the things!” Merlin declared to the room at large, but no helpful mice or pigeons appeared to assist him with the proposed task. He abandoned the idea of singing before it even fully formed in his head, opting to glare at all the things thrown around instead.

“Clean all the things?” he kept talking to himself, picked up an empty pizza box from the table, then put it back down the moment he realized the garbage bin was full. Right. Looked like the only way he would be able to make the room presentable was by deploying a complete spring cleaning project. As he realized the magnitude of the problem, he decided to go back to his bedroom and tie up all his open projects on the computer to be able to fully dedicate himself to the upcoming task.

Two hours of online Tetris battles later he went to take a piss, and on his way back to the bed he felt something was off with the careful composition on the table in his living room, the pizza box not the exact angle as it was the last time he had seen it from that point.

“Scheiße” he swore out loud, looking at the clock on the wall he got from his mother some years ago. It’s only purpose was of reminding the occupants of the living room to what they were late for at that moment. Or at least Merlin felt like that. Before his mind could wander off again, he took out an enormous garbage bag from the cabinet and started collecting the various things scattered all around the room - empty boxes, bottles and socks alike.

“So this is why I’m always out of socks” he stopped abruptly in awe at the discovery, but made no attempt to retrieve the clothing pieces from the bag itself. He shrugged and continued collecting anything disposable from the joined kitchen as well, humming “Ai Se Eu Te Pego” unconsciously.

Still no helpful animal appeared, though.

He dropped the half full bag and inspected the living area, measuring the next step to be taken. He wasn’t expecting the queen, supposedly, so no reason to scrub any of the surfaces really. He opened the window wide, letting the chilly air in to refresh the room. As he turned back, he suddenly became aware of the dust particles floating in the air, and in chain reaction he saw and felt dust everywhere around him.

He cursed once more, knowing that what had been seen couldn’t be unseen anymore. Not for the first time of his life, he contemplated the advantages and disadvantages of actually holding knowledge about something that wasn’t directly effecting his life. It was a futile and well worn philosophical road so he ended up cursing himself instead, for enabling the current situation. If only he could have answered to Gaius’ question about a safe meeting place in acceptable time! But alas he did not, so his own flat had gotten appointed as a meeting place. Now he had to prepare for the welcoming of whatever posh boy the old man had sent, because he knew that if he caused a super important secret agent to die by slipping on the growing moss in his kitchen, the news of it would reach his mother before he had enough time to post an eBay advertisement for the available organs.

Not that he would ever do that. He sighed and instead of thinking about the prices of organs and their necessary storage methods, he went looking for the vacuum cleaner he was sure he hadn’t used since he moved into the flat 2 years ago.

The half-hearted dusting and vacuuming wasn’t an exciting or preoccupying task in itself, so Merlin found his mind wandering off during the mechanical chores again. He theorized about his upcoming meeting, but he had very little information to base things on - Gaius, an old family friend and head of a super secret agent organization had asked for his help, which Merlin had provided several times in the part eagerly, owning Gaius a debt in magnitude that he would never be able to repay, but he tried his best. The old man was the closest thing he had to a father, even if their communication manifested in monthly Skype calls only, so there were only a very few things Merling wouldn’t have done for him - and he hadn’t decided whether his latest request would be one of those. Although he had already broken into some information systems on Gaius’, and thus Camelot’s request, they were always done remotely and from the safety of his room, operating through badly protected networks and websites. Gaius had never shared details of their work with him, at least not by his own consent, but Merlin was curious and Camelot didn’t exactly have the best protected servers either, so after getting the IP address from Gaius it was a child’s play really. Except this time he didn’t know where to look in the vast informational database of Camelot, and all Gaius told him was that one of their best agents would visit him and tell him about the details of the mission, for which his presence is crucial... and also needed on the field.

Merlin was honest enough to himself to admit that leaving the comfort of his two room flat and the protection of vague online anonymity scared him a bit. It was one thing to collect information for his self-appointed uncle and a completely another to run around with some bulked up superhero wannabe, chasing villains whom you had only one shot at taking down, in a game that had no save stage option. Which might had been an overstatement because Gaius insisted it was a routine information collection mission, but the unfamiliarity of the entire concept enabled Merlin’s mind to run off with exaggerations.

By the time Merlin’s intercom rang at 4pm sharp, he was expecting a shout like “LET ME IN WE ARE UNDER ATTACK”, but instead it was a calm and even voice that answered his weak greeting.

“Hello, this is Arthur, I’m supposed to have a meeting with Merlin at four. Is this the right address?”

And that answer, in some ways, was worse than any of the terrifying scenarios Merlin made up in his head. Gaius must had thought it would be a brilliant joke not to share with Merlin his visitor’s name ahead of time.

Merlin became aware that he was banging his head against the wall when right next to his ear the speaker rasped again.

  
“Hello? Is everything alright?”

“Is your name really Arthur?” Merlin asked back, feeling all of his previous anxieties disappear into one enormous, impossible joke.

There was a barely audible chuckle on the other side of the line, then “Can you let me in?”

And so Merlin pressed the button, trying to recollect himself in the few seconds it took his visitor to climb up the stairs, but he felt that he hadn’t been trolled this hard since he was first rickroll'd while searching for Queer as Folk music videos on a lonely evening back in 2007.

 

There were two loud knocks on his door, and when Merlin opened it up, he found himself in front of a blonde guy who looked exactly like all his superhero fantasies rolled into one body.. The man was probably the same height as him, but his broad shoulders and strong chest seemed to fill out the space between the door frames like nothing else existed in the world. Or maybe the powerful presence came from the firm lines of his face, the tight lipped confident smile and the striking blue eyes. Merlin wasn’t embarrassed to admit the guy looked like a (sadly overly dressed) model who walked out of an underwear catalogue, yet there was a buzzing feeling of force around him that made his appearance potent without his refined looks even.

Or maybe Merlin just had been reading a lot of fanfiction again.

“Hello, I’m Arthur,” the guy repeated his introduction in rather formal tones, and Merlin reacted just a second later than normal to accept the offered hand.

“Hi. Merlin,” he answered as they shook hands, and he was still so overwhelmed by his first impression of Arthur that it was several seconds later than normal when he remembered to break the touch and finally invite his guest in.

Merlin’s brain was working on full overload, trying to figure out how this guy who just walked into his room could actually be compatible with his previous beliefs about life and people, because he certainly seemed unreal, never mind _his name_ even. As always in times like this - not times of movie star alikes walking into his flat, as that certainly hadn’t happened before, but high brain processor usage - , he started blabbering, “Would you like some tea? I’d love some tea. I have all kinds, jasmine, apple, black, lemon, forest fruit, green...”

“No, thank you, just some water” Arthur answered before Merlin could list all the available tea flavors in a 10 mile radius. He stood tall and steady in the middle of the living room, looking obviously out of place yet still somehow in complete charge of his surroundings.

“Ugh, okay, right away, just take a seat wherever you like I’ll be just over here,” Merlin continued, thankful for his American-style kitchen as it let him start preparing the drinks and also watch Arthur from the corner of his eyes at the same time. The blonde didn’t sit down as offered, but instead started walking around the living room and inspected the shelves Merlin oh-so-meticulously dusted an hour ago. As Merlin waited for the water boiler to finish, he considered the possibility of Gaius sending this blue-eyed blondie alien prince to lure him into participating in the mission regardless of rational arguments that might come up, and he resignedly accepted that the prospect of such conspiracy did not even make him angry.

He was 24-year-old single geek, and so very-very gay, after all.

For better or worse, however, the universe took a sharp U-turn and changed back to an orbit that was once again in synch with the impressions Merlin had collected about reality so far. All it took was Arthur turning to look at him with a really badly concealed frown and pointing to the altar of Star Trek figures and models Merlin had on display in the corner, asking “are these yours?”

The slight accusation in his voice was enough to trigger a complete mental reboot for Merlin, and when he looked at Arthur again, it was without the grand opening light from before - his well built body didn’t resemble an Adonis but rather a brawny soccer player; the firm lines of his jaw were tilted in a familiar, slightly upwards fashion and the new angle made his smirk look more like a condescending smile as well. It took one sentence and Merlin felt his feet metaphorically hit the ground as if awakening from a trance. He mirrored Arthur’s aloof manner instinctively.

“Yes. Is there a problem with that?” he spat as his previously swarming emotions came to an abrupt halt against a wall he failed to acknowledge until now.

“No,” Arthur answered curtly and unconvincingly, then he continued his inspection of the room without further comments.

Merlin prepared his tea with great care, trying to straighten out his mind after the two, very opposite teenage year esque rushes it experienced in the last five minutes. He had not expected to strike a good chord with anyone Gaius had sent to him, knowing the obvious differences that would exist between him and any agent just based on their lifestyle decisions, but somehow Arthur’s entrance completely took him off guard, reducing him to a blushing idiot with his powerful presence. All that seemed distant now, and he focused on the practical dimensions of the situation: this was just another job, and no aspect of it was meant to be taken personally.

So yeah, what if Arthur was another thick-headed, muscled guy who wasn’t bold enough to explore the final frontier - that was just his loss, right?

But it was hard for Merlin to remain cool and good-assuming when upon finally sitting down around his little coffee table, Arthur threw away all courtesies and simply asked “so do you really have a PhD in software engineering or have you hacked that into the system as well?”

Merlin was 2 centimeters away from sipping at his tea and consequently performing a real live “cereal guy”. He put back down his cup angrily and countered with “are you really this rude or does Gaius want my help to have at least one brain in this operation?”

Arthur’s left eye twitched but he kept looking solemnly at Merlin. “It was a simple question. I haven’t found any record of your studies and I need to know whether you’re qualified at all or not.”

Merlin sighed, old aggravating arguments resurfacing in his mind. “It’s just a piece of paper about a lot of theoretical studies which probably don’t even have much to do with what you need me for. Hasn’t Gaius told you I’ve worked for him in the past?”

“Yes, but I need to be sure you’re actually capable of the acclaimed successes before we fly across the entire world,” Arthur spoke in a calm and level voice, as if he hadn’t realized the insensitivity of his accusations, but the way his eyes involuntarily glanced at Merlin’s Star Trek models again hinted at a prejudice that Merlin found highly insulting.

“Look, I don’t really have anything to gain from running around with you and acting like your brainiac sidekick, the only reason we’re talking now is because Gaius asked me a favour so really if you have such troubling trust issues with your own bosses just fly back home and take care of it but leave me out of that bullshit.” Merlin finished his rant in one breath, and for the first time Arthur looked slightly shaken, but that expression quickly disappeared behind a frown that Merlin returned unwaveringly. He had had enough of people making him feel inferior in his life and was not willing to put up with it anymore.

After a glaring match of several seconds, Arthur’s shoulders dropped and he gave in with a small amused smile that was gone the moment it appeared. “Fine, but the moment your helpfulness becomes questionable, I’ll ship you back to your toys.”

“I need to point out that I haven’t even agreed to come along yet,” Merlin said, still frustrated by Arthur’s smugness and his complete lack of efforts to act respectfully towards him.

Arthur looked surprised for a moment, as if that tiny detail had escaped him, then his entire posture changed suddenly and his face became a blank professional mask. Merlin was fascinated by the transformation and wondered what was the exact trigger that made Arthur switch from the state of a brat to a responsible person. He also wondered why the current neutral expression on the guy’s face made him more unsettled than the previous condescending one.

“The mission concerns collecting information about the plans of.. a known criminal mastermind” Arthur started, choosing his words carefully. “He is working together with a scientist and their movements have been harder to track than anything we’ve seen, that’s why we need better IT intelligence.”

“That’s... vague” Merlin said when Arthur didn’t appear to continue. The blonde was lost in his thoughts for a moment, but then he looked back up at Merlin earnestly, who felt that he was finally considered a partner and not an obstacle in the conversation.

“We don’t know much, and I can’t disclose all the specifics with you until you’ve officially agreed to participate,” Arthur answered measuredly, “what I can tell you is that they’re working on some kind of medicine that they want to legalize, yet we couldn’t find any data on the government servers and it’s likely they can pay their way through the system unless we uncover the details of their plans.”

Arthur’s summary didn’t feel like dramatic declaration about the world’s future resting on their shoulder, at least not to Merlin, but that changed as he observed the other guy. There was a kind of determination on Arthur’s face that had unexpected motivating effects on Merlin, and despite mentally cursing the guy just a few minutes ago for daring to suggest Merlin wasn’t talented enough in his field, he suddenly felt an encompassing need to impress him and share his excitement. That was a disconcerting change and Merlin tried to focus on the matter at hand and not Arthur’s impressive aura that was about to take hold of him again.

“But what exactly am I supposed to do here if hacking the systems was already unsuccessful? What would you need me for on the field, breaking in somewhere?” he asked.

“We’ve been tracking this guy and trying to get hold of his partner for months now, but none of our usual attempts at listening in to their communication or accessing their accounts have worked” Arthur explained, and Merlin sensed that the blonde was not actually aware what their own hacking attempts had exactly been, but he didn’t interrupt him, “we know that at least one of them will be present on a conference in Chicago next week and we plan to tail them from there and possibly finally get hold of their devices in one way or another - that’s what you’re needed for.”

“Erh, what exactly does getting hold of their devices entail? Will I stand by and wait for you to beat them up then crack whatever password mister baddy set?” Merlin still found his role dubious, as well as the actual preparation the agents have put into this task.

Arthur graced him with a small smile. “No, the mission is undercover, we want to stay hidden so they don’t strengthen their security even more,” Merlin wondered how the guy managed to look so confident despite the obvious lack of knowledge and prospects they had. “The goal is to finally get inside their communication network and then find their labs and possible factory which we’ve been unable to locate yet. According to our records you’ve once helped with the breaching of a private phone network?” Despite ending the last sentence with a higher, questioning note, Arthur didn’t look distrusting this time so Merlin spared himself the headache as well.

“Yes, but that was completely different and probably easier if these guys really gave you all such a hard time... I can’t say anything for sure until I know more,” Merlin answered and he realized he was slightly excited by the idea of a supposedly unbreakable system. He hadn’t met one yet, that was for sure.

“Well, once you accepted our request I can share all the information we’ve collected so far,” Arthur confirmed again, looking slightly rueful.

Merlin felt himself leaning towards jumping into the task just by curiosity itself, but a healthy anxiety held him back from any declarations. “How dangerous would this be? Is there any guarantee I won’t get shot in the head once the undercover inevitably blows?” he tried covering up his actual worries with a joking tone.

 

“It is improbable that you’d be imposed to direct danger, but I can’t promise anything,” Arthur answered in a stern voice, “but I can promise that I’ll do everything in my power to protect you if it came to that.”

His eyes bore into Merlin’s with such strong conviction that Merlin found it near impossible to second guess him. With near being the key word, because he still hadn’t forgotten Arthur’s earlier hostility which hadn’t actually been corrected just got swept under the metaphorical rug.

“Give me some time to think it through,” he said, half asking and half demanding, not sure where he stood in the discussion anymore.

Arthur let out a small sigh but didn’t argue. “Fine, but try to be fast about it, ‘kay? The conference I told you about it is next Monday and I plan to leave on Thursday”

“You’ll have my answer tomorrow” Merlin promised, feeling no desire himself to drag this out longer than necessary. “Where can I contact you?”

Arthur pushed a small card across the table, “I’m staying at this hotel. Let’s meet there in the bar tomorrow around 9pm if you decide to come and we will go through the details elsewhere.”

Merlin nodded and read the card, but the hotel’s name didn’t ring any bells in his mind, even though based on the address it was close by. None of them said or did anything for a while and the awkwardness of finishing this rollercoaster of a meeting weighted on them.

“Right, so...” Merlin started, desperately searching for something to say that didn’t include tea, “If there is nothing else...”

“Yeah, I shall leave you to...” Arthur abruptly stood up, looking a bit embarrassed and his eyes flickered to the toys again, “think things through”. Merlin just rolled his eyes, wondering why the toys gave such discomfort to the guy. It’s not like he saw Merlin actually playing with them - well, that would have been another matter, but that was the curse of Spork fans.

They walked to the door and Merlin extended his hand, saying “Well, see you soon maybe.”

Arthur shook his hand with firm grip, and this time he was the one who didn’t let go in time - instead he stepped closer, staring intently at Merlin. “Look, I know I’ve been rude, but these are serious matters - if you can’t help, don’t come, but if you can, your assistance in finally catching our biggest adversary would be very appreciated.”

Arthur kept staring at Merlin, looking for some confirmation that his message went through, but Merlin just stood there flabbergasted - from the closeness, or the profound expression on Arthur’s face, or the first sign of humility from him, he couldn’t decide. He ended up nodding mutely, and after a bit more scrutiny Arthur returned it, then said “see you” and walked out of the flat.

Merlin gaped at the door for several minutes. He didn’t know whether it was the fact that he was not used to “real life” socializing anymore, or the information overload, but the entire ordeal drained him, and when he flopped back down in front of the comfort of his computer again, he had no idea what to decide. His curiosity was piqued, for sure, but the context of the problem still made him nervous, despite Arthur’s confirmation of his safety - his presence just introduced more questions, because Merlin didn’t know how would he be able to hack a well protected system, nevertheless survive several weeks in this partnership when the guy either aggravated or enthralled him in every minute.

He settled for putting the whole business out of his mind and hoping sleep would refresh his mind and aid him in finding a solution. Until then, he was more than happy to dedicate the rest of his day to playing with the Diablo III Beta. Before he jumped into the fantasy world, he went to check his emails, and as he was in the middle of adding some new advertisement spam filters, an AIM notification popped up.

Kilgarrah (17:01:39 PM): You have to take the job.

Merlin frowned, and not because of the usual lack of greeting from “Kilgharrah”, his long time online acquaintance and regular job provider - but Merlin didn’t remember them talking about any new project for a while, he had only some ridiculous random requests picked up from others.

 **merlin** (17:02:01 PM): which one? the lolcat DDOS attack?

 **Kilgharrah** (17:02:20 PM): No. The one Prince Charming just told you about.

 **merlin** (17:02:25 PM): how the fuck do you know about that?

Merlin didn’t even tell his mother about Gaius’ request. He walked out and checked the front door to see if it was closed, then paranoidly looked over the room for any hidden cameras. He didn’t find anything, and walked back to the computer warily, wondering whether his “friend” has hacked his Skype conference with his uncle earlier that month.

 **Kilgharrah** (17:02:45 PM): It is related to my interests as well and I have been following the developments for a while now.

 **Kilgharrah** (17:04:52 PM): Have you gone AFK to find me in your flat? I’m not there.

 **merlin** (17:05:37 PM): you’re creeping me out, who the hell are you?!

 **Kilgharrah** (17:05:45 PM): I’m your father.

 **merlin** (17:05:48 PM): not funny. spill.

 **Kilgharrah** (17:06:05 PM): Merlin, you should know better than anyone the necessity and advantages of online anonymity.

 **Kilgharrah** (17:06:31 PM): Hasn’t our arrangement worked well enough already? You don’t question my goals and in return I don’t question the payment you ask for.

Merlin stared at the screen for a while, mulling Kilgharrah’s words over. If it wasn’t for his (her? its?) requests, Merlin probably would have starved by now or would have resorted to getting a respectable and, consequently, boring job in his field. Most of the things he did for K were not legal, but Merlin never did anything that looked overly suspicious. He had no idea what K’s purpose was with sneaking a few thousand dollars from itty-bitty stars and politicians to several different donation funds, but it never blew up in his face and K was generous in his payments, let them be of monetary or other values.

 **merlin** (17:07:45 PM): but i’m not doing this job for you, if you expect me to listen to your interests i need answers in return

 **Kilgharrah** (17:07:57 PM): What do you want to know?

 **merlin** (17:08:16 PM): how do you know i was approached today and what it was about?

 **Kilgharrah** (17:08:58 PM): Camelot is not as much of a secret organization as they’d like to believe. When I found out they picked up on Viviane’s plans I knew they’d seek you out.

 **merlin** (17:09:07 PM): Viviane? Viviane N.?

 **Kilgharrah** (17:09:29 PM): ..They didn’t tell you about that part?

 **merlin** (17:09:31 PM): no

Merlin had thought there was ought to be a limit on how surreal ones life could become, but obviously he had been too optimistic. He had previously regretted that Kilgharrah knew more about him and his past than he did about the other one, as that was a very dangerous situation, but also part of the reason why he maintained the relationship - K was the only “person” he knew who could fetch any information he wanted to, and that was a quality Merlin both aspired to learn from and take advantage of. What interest he had in this current problem was still a mystery, though, and now that another familiar name came up in relation, Merlin started reconsidering the importance of it.

 **merlin** (17:10:12 PM): what else do you know?

 **Kilgharrah** (17:10:32 PM): Sadly, I doubt that I know more than what Camelot does but decided to keep from you yet.

Although K averted directly answering, his response finally put Merlin into perspective. This entire fuss over a new drug? It wasn’t about the dangers of the drug itself; there were plenty of unhealthy products available as it was. No, Merlin finally realized, the true problem was there among Arthur’s words all along - the lack of knowledge was what scared the agents into action and probably Kilgharrah as well. The irony that the chosen person for solving that problem ended up being Merlin himself didn’t escape him.

 **merlin** (17:12:20 PM): if i end up working on this, will you tell me all you know?

 **Kilgharrah** (17:12:42 PM): Yes, all that I think will enable you to reach success.

It was an evasive answer again but Merlin was used to such. It was the most he could hope for.

 **merlin** (17:13:00 PM): fine. should i tell you when i decided or will you stalk me and figure it out by yourself?

 **Kilgharrah** (17:13:17 PM): No need, I already know what you will decide.

 **merlin** (17:13:30 PM): duh. goodnight creepy cryptic jerk.

And with that Merlin logged out finally to be left alone with his own thoughts... and Diablo III.

-

Despite going to bed at 3AM, his tired eyes couldn’t get their proper rest. Switching out from the real world proved to be a temporary distraction but nothing more, and when Merlin finally logged out of the game he was not one step closer to reaching a decision than before. When he tried to replay his discussion with Arthur, he found that over half of his impressions were of emotional and not informational value. Kilgharrah’s messages just made everything more confusing, and now he was left with a lot of vague hints and no actual idea about where this thing could go.

But he knew he was doomed the moment his curiosity got piqued, and now it was only a matter of owning up to the challenge and ignoring the insecure parts of his brain that screamed about the dangers and the unbelievability of the situation. Hearing Viviane’s name certainly didn’t make him feel more comfortable, but it also seemed to awaken an old forgotten part of him that blindly yearned for retribution. Even if this drug thing didn’t turn out to be anything serious, getting back at her in any way sounded incredibly compelling.

And so Merlin’s mind silenced the anxious little voices inside, and as sleepiness slowly overtook him, his last thoughts were about helping out Gaius and, strangely, swiping that condescending smirk off Arthur’s face for good.


	3. Chapter 3

**20/03/2012, 8.44 p.m. CET**

**Hotel Schicksal, Magdeburg, Germany**

Arthur sat by the bar of the hotel, staring gloomily into his Schnapps on this particular Tuesday evening. Two days into the mission, and he was already drinking - _a clear sign that everything is heading steadfast to catastrophe_ , he thought. The mission already started out with too many holes and misgivings still he tried to consider those simply as challenges to overcome - but he could threw that mindset out of the window the moment he entered Merlin’s flat.

Merlin was every bit of the geek Arthur had imagined him to be and more - his flat being full of toys was nothing compared to his disheveled hair, ridiculously large ears, the open saucers of his bright blue shining eyes when Arthur entered the flat or the light blush on his sharp cheeks as he not so subtly checked Arthur out. Although Arthur knew how old Merlin was - one of the only things he knew about him really-, his first impression would have made him out to be no older than 20, full of the kind of eager energy and unmasked curiosity that Arthur had lost a long time ago, somewhere between the third and fourth gunshot made at his head.

Merlin looked, for lack of better words, tremendously young and innocent - the exact opposite of the kind of person Arthur could imagine working along with. His friends back at the agency might not had been as serious - or as they liked to call it, _sour_ \- as him, but they all had that kind of maturity that only a hard life could shape into someone. Even if sometimes they left it behind, like recently, at the end of the day Arthur knew that they felt the weight of reality the way he did.

Despite having a slender figure, Merlin seemed strong, yet Arthur felt like he was the type who could be blown away by any change of the wind, such was the change of his expression and moods just in the few minutes Arthur spent in his flat.

Although Arthur himself could be accused of said moodswings as well. He could not recall the last time he acted so unprofessional about a job - even though the situation wasn’t of the most convenient type and his doubts were reasonable, his behaviour was not. The way Merlin moved around with that naive excitement, or the way his entire flat had a kind of unconstricted childish aura completely threw Arthur off balance - which resulted in him closing off early on and then lashing out more judgmentally than what could have been respectable.

He took a sip of his drink now and wished the memory of the meeting wasn’t as stark in his mind as the burn of the alcohol in his throat, but it was too late for that. Even though he later had found his way back to a more acceptable behavior, the way he became so easily emotionally unbalanced made him anxious about the future of the mission - if it still had a future at all. He didn’t think he managed to convince Merlin with his introduction - if anything, telling Merlin about the problem just made Arthur realize once more how sketchy and vague the entire situation was. The premonition of inevitable failure was choking him now, and he wasn’t sure what he would do if Merlin bailed on him like any reasonable person would.

And yet Arthur didn’t feel particularly happy when he finally spotted Merlin entering the room - he looked like he had awkward and lost written on his forehead and was obviously out of his element. He spotted Arthur by the end of the bar the moment something else caught Arthur’s eye. Upon seeing Arthur’s frown, Merlin’s withheld demeanor changed to indignant, and it was with strong steps he closed the distance between them.

Arthur took notice of these only on a second thought - his mind had reflexively went on planning autopilot the moment he realized the man who entered a few feet after Merlin was tailing him. He was not entirely sure why he made the connection - the barely visible bump of the black leather jacket under the arms, the measured steps or the not so subtly fixed glare to the back of Merlin’s head, but his guts reached a conclusion rather fast. By the time Merlin stopped in front of him, he made a decision.

“Well hello,” Merlin said, crossing his arms, puffing out an angry breath.

Arthur finally looked at him properly, and plastered the biggest fake smile on his face.

“Hello darling,” he answered in his most charming voice, which surprised Merlin enough to lose his glare. That was enough of an opening for Arthur, and he quickly leaned close to lightly press his lips to Merlin’s already parted ones. He pulled back soon enough and said, not bothering to keep his voice down, “let’s go up, dear”.

Merlin turned out to be entirely cooperative in the way that he didn’t say a single word, but he also became unresponsive to the point that Arthur had to semi-drag him towards the elevator. Once they were inside, he sneaked a subtle glance at the guy with the black leather jacket - he was on the phone, talking with a lowered head but looking in their general direction. Arthur had no idea whether the distraction worked, but at least it bought them time.

“What the hell was that?” Merlin rasped from behind him the moment the elevator door closed, which reminded Arthur of the implications of his acts. He operated on his instincts, and it was only after looking at Merlin’s flushed face that “distraction ploy” became “oh my god I kissed a near stranger guy” in his mind.

Arthur dropped his head in his hands.

_Complete, utter catastrophe._

-

Meanwhile Merlin was busy glaring a hole into Arthur’s head, though it was a rather half hearted attempt. He didn’t feel particularly scandalized - it wasn’t like he could feel Arthur’s taste lingering on his lips or his scent burnt into his skin. Definitely not. If anything, he was just surprised and confused by the agent’s abrupt change in the bar. He wondered whether Gaius had a purpose with sending his most bipolar and unbalanced man to work with Merlin.

It must had been all because of the Santa suit Merlin had gifted him last year. It was just a well intended joke! Really not fair to have revenge by making Merlin’s life more difficult by having some crazy, yet gorgeous asshole walking all over it. Really not.

When they finally entered Arthur’s shiny hotel room, he still seemed to be completely out of it, pacing and muttering to himself. Merlin was starting to feel upset that even though he was the victimized party, he wasn’t the one making a scene.

“Earth to Arthur, Earth to Arthur,” he said in his best imitation of a robotic voice.

Arthur finally stopped and started talking, but he sadly still didn’t make much sense.

“How long have you been followed?”

Merlin just stared.

“Excuse me, what are you talking about?”

“You were being followed when you entered the bar,” Arthur said accusingly, as if Merlin wanted it to happen, “that’s why I kissed you, to cover up the purpose of our meeting,” he clarified, then added rather pointedly, “obviously”.

“Obviously,” Merlin repeated blankly, not entirely sure about the legitimacy of Arthur’s words. Who would want to follow Merlin? He barely even left his flat. Maybe it was just the local health care making sure that a bigger dose of outside air wouldn’t kill him?

Arthur kept staring at him, waiting for an answer. Merlin couldn’t think of any.

“Are you sure I was followed?” he asked eventually, “It could have been just someone walking in behind me, you know, sometimes these things happen.”

“That’s what I’m asking, how many times do suspicious people with pocket pistols walk close behind you?”

Merlin prided himself on his intelligence, but Arthur’s reasoning could have been from an alternate universe, so different the unit logic vectors were from Merlin’s.

“Why would anyone follow me?” he voiced his thoughts out loud, “you don’t have to go to such lengths to justify the urge to kiss me, I understand I’m irresistible,” he teased for a lack of better argument.

“ARGH” Arthur exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air, “I **know** you were being followed, I recognize these things, okay, it being a part of my job and all, so could you please for fuck’s sake stop doubting me and start cooperating?!”

No matter how amusing Merlin found Arthur’s involuntary breakdown, he couldn’t pass up on such an opening, so he answered, “Oh, you mean the way **you** didn’t doubt my expertise in my own field?”

They glared intensely at each other for the next minute or so, both of them refusing to give up their arguments. In the end it was Arthur who relented, turning away while scratching the side of his nose, but then he fixed Merlin with a firm gaze again.

“Fine, let’s call a truce. From now on, you will not once doubt my decisions, and in return I’ll... not doubt your talents again.”

Even though Arthur appeared to be in physical pain by the end of the sentence, Merlin accepted the finally mature terms, holding on to the thought that in mere days he would mop the floor with Arthur’s ass. “Okay. So what was that about someone following me?”

“Thank you,” Arthur answered mockingly, successfully dissipating any root of maturity that started to grow in Merlin’s mind at his previous yielding. “A rather suspicious guy was walking behind you and watching you carefully. When we entered the elevator, he was still looking in our direction amidst a phone call. Do you have any idea who could it be?”

Merlin wouldn’t have had any before yesterday, but now his old friend, Kilgharrah, had a new “stalker” attribute to himself. Still, it didn’t look like his style, not when he already appeared to know everything about Merlin.

  
“Nope, none. My life had been fairly peaceful... before you arrived. Don’t you think it’s related to you more than me?”

Arthur narrowed his eyes but he didn’t ridicule Merlin’s idea this time, “No one knows about this mission outside of Camelot, and I didn’t notice anyone following  ** me ** ”.

Merlin opened and closed his mouth twice. First to brag about knowing that Camelot had been exposed to others, but then he realized he really shouldn’t let Arthur know about his connection to mysterious and slightly suspicious Kilgharrah. Second time he wanted to tease Arthur about how it might be possible he just wasn’t aware of being followed, but then he remembered the pact.

Apparently Arthur was fluent in fish talk, because he seemed to get Merlin’s implication anyway. He dropped down onto the white sofa and heaved a dramatic sigh.

“Well, it doesn’t matter who they started following, it’s probable that our mission has been compromised,” Arthur said as Merlin took a seat with a respectable distance from him, “this changes our approach.”

“In what way?”

Merlin felt a bit overwhelmed once more - he hadn’t even officially agreed to come along or start talking about the details, yet Arthur was already in planning mode.

“This was supposed be an undercover mission where we can move freely without anyone being aware of our agenda,” Arthur explained, deep in thought already, “obviously that’s not the case anymore.”

“So what are we going to do now?”

“I’m not sure,” Arthur admitted, and the careless way he did so convinced Merlin of his seriousness. It made Merlin sit up straighter and let the situation sink in more deeply as well.

“Can you get ready by tomorrow morning? They might know about our traveling plans, it’s better to reschedule” Arthur continued, and his question wasn’t really a question at all, so all Merlin could do was nod in answer to his expectant look.

“Perfect. I’ll contact Gaius about the developments.”

Something changed in the air then - when Arthur looked at Merlin in that moment, the world seemed to have expanded. Arthur looked stern but confident, somehow exerting power even while sitting in one place - and Merlin felt that he was considered as an equal for the first time. He embraced the true weight of their mission for the first time, and that was the moment their partnership was born.

Arthur was probably thinking along the same lines, because he extended his hand towards Merlin and gave, what appeared to be, the first honest smile.

  
“Welcome to Camelot, Merlin,” he said, savoring the name, “looks like we will be stuck with each other for the next weeks.”

“Let’s try not to kill each other” Merlin joked, but it was the first friendly moment between them. It was still ought to be difficult, with the way they personalities clashed on every moment, but the mutual silent promises to cooperate made him feel more comfortable.

And that sofa was really soft.

“Soooooo,” he started, leaning back and making himself at home, “can I see the other details now?”

“Sure,” Arthur said, standing up right away, but then he frowned, “but I need the notebook to talk with Gaius”. He paused, then, “you wouldn’t happen to have a laptop with you, would you?”

“And here I thought you had my geeky personality completely covered,” Merlin answered with mocking surprised expression then pulled out the small netbook he brought along, “of course I have one with me”.

Arthur grimaced, but it was good natured. _At least if we can banter we won’t end up throttling each other_ , Merlin thought.

Ten minutes later he had all of the documents regarding the problem (and maybe some other things) copied from Arthur’s computer. Arthur went to the bedroom to talk with Gaius on Skype so Merlin could concentrate in silence on all the collected information.

Although Camelot didn’t know a lot about the problem at hand, they did have some data collected about the interested parties - Viviane, whom Merlin could confirm by picture as well, and a guy called Agravaine, who was supposed to be the main villain. Merlin ate up the all the various reports, carefully sorting them away in the cabinets of his mind. Camelot was working on the assumption of Viviane developing a new drug based on her previous achievements - which were all listed with the exception of the one Merlin actually knew about. He wondered whether Gaius omitted it on purpose, trying to protect him. He measured the pros and cons of telling about that particular experience to Arthur, but he decided Viviane’s baddy factor didn’t need more confirmation and the knowledge would just hinder their mission.

He was trying to put together the little pieces to see if there was any coherency yet when Arthur exited the bedroom, laptop balanced on one hand.

“Gaius wants to say hi before logging off,” he said and put the machine down on the coffee table in front of Merlin, then somewhat awkwardly sauntered towards the kitchen.

“My dear boy,” the old man greeted Merlin from across the screen, “I’m very thankful you decided to help out.”

“Well, you know me,” Merlin shrugged, “blondes with tragic personality problems are just my type.”

There was a clattering noise in the kitchen. Merlin looked up and stuck out his tongue, in answer to which Arthur put one of the cups back in the cupboard, then pointed at the water boiler and shook his head. Merlin pulled a horrified face and brought his hand up to his heart, then turned back to Gaius.

“I mean, it is an honor to help out the Queen’s most devoted protectors,” he said, then sneaked a glance back at Arthur and he acknowledged with exaggerated relief that there were two cups on the table once more.

Mature individuals on a serious mission, right?

Gaius was wondering about the same thing, if his trademark skyward pulled eyebrow was any indication.

“I hope you are aware of the seriousness of this mission, especially now that there is a chance your cover is blown,” he chastised.

“But we’re still one step ahead of them,” Merlin explained, “they think we know something when actually we don’t know **anything**.”

Merlin’s own accusatory eyebrow didn’t seem to affect Gaius.

“And that is why we need your help.”

“I’m sure Arthur will appreciate me running after him like a puppy while he tries to steal someone’s phone or computer.”

Gaius sighed. “I thought Arthur have enlightened you about your role already, and apparently you accepted it so why the complaining now?”

“Because, my entire world turned upside down like 3 times and I deserve to whine a bit about it- ah, tea!” Merlin accepted the mug Arthur passed to him and let the warm air caress his face. When this went on for a while longer, Arthur leaned in front of him to look at Gaius.

“I think we will be okay,” he said.

Gaius didn’t look convinced but a small smile appeared on his face. “Good. You’re both like sons to me, so take care of each other, okay?”

This sent a new kind of warmth through Merlin, combined with some jealousy. There were so many aspects of Gaius’ life he didn’t know about, and learning that he shared a special bond with Arthur as well made him feel suddenly more distant from the old man. In exchange it strangely made him closer to Arthur, like the blonde wasn’t an alien or an annoying movie character who materialized from nowhere.

Merlin sniffed dramatically then took a sip of his tea in lack of proper a response.

The touching moment was gone as it came and Gaius’ face changed to very businesslike, something that Merlin got to see very rarely. He usually didn’t think much about his “uncle” being the head of serious and dangerous intelligence organization because it was hard to combine with his loving and calm demeanor.

“Merlin, have you seen the gadgets we have already? I believe they might be of more use to you than Arthur,” he continued.

Arthur huffed in answer but he stood up to fetch a box of various tech goodies. When Merlin looked inside it, for the first time that evening he finally felt excited again, and less like the puppy trying to swim in the middle of a vast ocean. He picked out something at random and started inspecting it, the challenge of figuring out just what it was meant to do firing up his spirits.

“I see this should have been shown to you earlier,” Gaius chuckled from across the screen.

Merlin nodded along happily and ditched the thing he identified as a tracker for something else.

Arthur watched him bemusedly then turned to Gaius, “Doesn’t look like you’ll get anything through to him now.”

“That’s okay,” Gaius answered, “leave early tomorrow, and update him about the details on the way. You’ll have enough time to prepare in Chicago before the conference.”

Merlin said a half-hearted goodbye to his beloved uncle, then spent the next half an hour or so familiarizing himself with the contents of the magical box - as he came to refer to it. Sometimes he would look up to share something with Arthur, like “look how the chip is fitted nicely into the plastic yet is still protected from denting thanks to the wire, this is professional craftsmanship” but Arthur just shrugged, pointing out how little he cared as long as the thing actually worked.

Still he kept on joyfully and by the time he put everything back in order, it was nearing 11 o’clock. He stifled a yawn and turned to Arthur. “So how early is early tomorrow?”

“Our flight leaves at nine thirty from Tegel airport, I’ll drive us there. Can you get ready by six?”

All the previous fervor left Merlin as he processed the news. “You mean six in the morning?”

He must have looked devastated, because Arthur, the good champ he was, laughed out loud. “Yes. Don’t make that face, it’s just a bit earlier than getting up for work.”

“For you maybe!” Merlin exclaimed heatedly, “but for me the day usually starts comfortably at lunchtime.” He didn’t feel embarrassed by sharing that particular information, not even after Arthur’s pitying look.

“Well, you work as an agent now so better get used to it.”

Merlin brushed a hand in front of his face in defeat. “Was this like, the tiny lettered part of our virtual contract?”

Arthur smiled cruelly. “Yes, you could say it was implied.”

Merlin sighed and started packing up his things. “Well, I better be going then”

Arthur stood up as well. “Good, I’ll accompany you back to your flat.”

Merlin was in the middle of pulling on his bag as he froze. “Surely there is no need of that, it’s barely 5 minutes walk away.”

Arthur grabbed his jacket and glowered at him with a serious expression, “Merlin, you were followed. Who knows what they might do with you if they find you alone in the middle of the night.” Then he added in a lighter tone, “plus, we gotta keep up the act.”

Merlin blushed, completely forgetting about that. “Fine,” he cut back then sauntered out of the room.

He tried not looking nervous as they walked out of the hotel, but he felt like in one of those cliched scenes where every small noise sounded ominous and loud. Arthur himself oozed coolness, walking with his hands in his pockets. He didn’t show off in the lobby or anything, but he walked a bit closer to Merlin than what would have been normal - still, that made him feel a bit more comfortable. If Arthur was watching everything as carefully as Merlin suspected, it wasn’t visible from the outside.

Soon they reached Merlin’s apartment building without any accidents. They stood in front of each other under the front door light, and Arthur looked around slowly then said in a low voice, “Let’s meet by the back door of the building tomorrow.”

Merlin frowned. “How do you know there is a back door?”

Arthur smiled smugly and shrugged as he answered, “Standard procedure, dude.”

Merlin was slowly developing a knee-jerk migraine reaction to that expression and realized it would be his main goal in the next week to have it wiped out. He blamed it on that suddenly rising annoyance that he leaned forward and firmly pressed his lips against Arthur’s.

“Now we’re even,” he whispered as he pulled away. The smile fell from Arthur’s face but his posture remained the same, the surprise only showing in his eyes. It also had the growing roots of a challenge and suddenly Merlin felt the ground slipping from beneath him.

“Tomorrow then,” he said louder, then walked into the building without a second look. As soon as he was in his flat, he made a sprint for his bedroom and flopped face down onto his bed.

“What have I gotten myself into?” he murmured into his pillow and allowed himself a well needed 10 minutes of emotional breakdown before getting up to pack his things.


	4. Chapter 4

**21/03/2012, 8.23 a.m. CET** ****

**Berlin-Tegel Airport, Germany**

Arthur not-so-gently parked the car in a free spot near the entrance of the car rental shop, but not even the abrupt stop seemed to have woken Merlin, who was sleeping merrily on the passenger seat, head smudged against the glass.

The same way he did for the entire fucking trip since the middle of Arthur’s first sentence which started as “We need to run through the details before...”. At least he had the decency to snore loudly and signal to Arthur that he was running his mouth off in vain.

The decency. Right.

Arthur shook him roughly, to which Merlin finally came to his senses by suddenly sitting up and looking around with wild eyes.

“I’m not with him, I’m innocent!” he said loudly which made Arthur wonder about the kind of dreams he had. He glowered his eyes in suspicion, but then he took notice of the line of drool on Merlin’s face and pulled back in disgust.

“You’re tremendously lucky this is a rented car,” he said, his menacing voice failing in the middle, then added pointedly: “partner”.

Merlin looked very sheepish and embarrassed as he came to his senses. “Erh, it was just a nightmare,” he mumbled.

“I’ll make sure you have plenty of things to base your nightmares on if you don’t get out of this car within 5 seconds,” Arthur threatened, then got out himself and shut the door with a loud bang.

On the other side, Merlin fell to the pavement with a thump in his hurry.

Arthur looked up and let out a drawn out sigh.

-

“So, how exactly did you pass the check in?” Merlin asked in a low voice when half an hour later they were in the airport’s waiting area, “I know you have a lot of... goodies with you.”

Arthur thought he felt a nerve snapping on his forehead.

“Please talk more loudly and in detail about this,” he whispered back furiously, eyes scanning the area instead of looking at his companion.

“Wow okay, calm down, I already said I’m sorry,” Merlin chastised in a soft voice, “you don’t plan on staying mad for the entire 15 hour trip, do you?”

As a matter of fact, yes, he did.

-

Arthur lasted just a bit more than two hours. Merlin slept through their first, one-hour flight to Copenhagen, and thankfully kept the snoring down. Arthur was thinking about several murderous situations during the time - some where he was an outside viewer as Merlin managed to murder himself on various innocent objects: getting choked by his own shirt, slipping on a banana peel and knocking himself out or choking on his tongue as he kept on rambling. For the other half, it was Arthur himself who kicked the bucket thanks to Merlin’s inability to follow orders, like Arthur saying “press the blue button” and Merlin saying “but I like red better!”.

He’s known the guy for less than two days and apparently his insanity was already rubbing off on Arthur.

He gave up - or gave in, depending on the viewpoint - when at the Copenhagen airport Merlin started excitedly running on the moving walkway and, of course, failed to stop in time and performed a rather elaborate pirouette to keep from falling. Arthur couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him at that moment, and from then on they were back to their bantering, which became kind of a custom already.

They had more than four hours left before their connecting flight, and Merlin insisted going on some sightseeing in the meantime. Arthur succumbed to his whining fast - simply because the the city centre wasn’t far off, and walking around like tourists would make them look as unsuspicious as possible. It had nothing to do with Merlin’s distractingly wide and blue eyes. Nay.

He regretted the decision rather fast, naturally, as Merlin’s first destination in the harbour was finding The Little Mermaid statue. All the while he kept excitedly prattling about its history and the amount of times it went through restoration. Arthur couldn’t decide whether Merlin read it up before they left in preparation or he was naturally that invested in children’s tales, but he certainly looked more obsessed than any of the other kids around the statue. Arthur had to take several pictures of Merlin there, of course, but managed to escape before being forced into one himself.

Arthur thought Merlin was just walking around aimlessly after that, but they always ended up somewhere of significance - at least according to him. The fresh air and Merlin’s liveliness almost made Arthur completely forget about the context of their visit, only the heavy suitcase in his hands reminding him of it occasionally.

They ended up back in the harbour for lunch where Merlin appeared to know which was the best restaurant and also its most recommended dish.

“Did you learn a travel guide by heart before we came here?” Arthur couldn’t help blurting out when he tasted the dish of the day, which indeed turned out to be delicious.

Merlin appeared taken aback and somewhat embarrassed by the flattery, not rubbing it under Arthur’s nose as the latter expected. The noncommittal answer he gave was rather strange, but Arthur was too focused on his lunch to dwell more on it.

They stayed at the restaurant for a while after that, tasting their drinks and playfully arguing about the most pointless things, like whether the girl that accompanied a guy to his ship near them was the wife or the lover of the man. They all pointed out nonsensical details, like what the position of the guy’s hand on the woman’s back told them about power levels in the relationship.

Arthur felt good and relaxed, which was a rather uncommon feeling for him. _Even though Merlin is a walking disaster, his company can be rather enjoyable_ , he thought at one point, and that was so dangerous it brought him back to the Earth right away.

Still, the upcoming nine-hour cross-atlantic flight and the weeks ahead of them looked a lot less tortuous, but almost kind of... curious.


	5. Chapter 5

**21/03/2012, 7.01 p.m. CDT**

**Hotel Coin, Chicago, Illinois, U.S.**

“No,” Merlin said, looking at the elegantly dressed double bed, “no way.”

“Oh come on now, Merlin, don’t be such a girl,” Arthur teased, “it’s just a bed.”

“Yes! That is exactly the problem!” Merlin exclaimed with wild movements of his arms, “it’s just one bed!”

“It’s easier if we stay close to each other in case of emergencies,” Arthur said seriously, but his eyes were shining with amusement. Merlin didn’t trust him one bit. “Besides,” he added, turning away to start fiddling with his luggage, “it’s safer it we keep up the pretense of being a pair of tourists.”

Merlin very pointedly did not think about their chaste kisses from the day before, but now he paled in horror, saying, “You cannot seriously intend to keep up that terribly cliched pretense!”

“It’s cliched because it works,” Arthur answered rather harshly, “I won’t stop you if you want to sleep on the floor, though.” He turned back to unpacking once again, signaling the end of the argument.

“Ugh, whatever” Merlin let out one last whine, then unceremoniously flopped down on the bed. “Oh” he let out a surprised sigh then burrowed further into the soft pillows.

“I gather you don’t object to the bed now?” Arthur observed after a few seconds which Merlin spent making pleased sounds and moans of pleasure. Obscenely so, if it could make Arthur flush so hard, and when Merlin took notice of it he just made an even bigger show of it. _Let the idiot deal with the consequences of the stupid romcom scenario as well_ , he thought.

“Right, well,” Arthur coughed loudly, not looking at Merlin, “I’m going to shower now, look through the room service for something to eat then we will need to discuss the next steps.”

“Yes, sire,” Merlin answered in a low voice which had Arthur practically running towards the bathroom.

Merlin realized that joking about the elephant in the room was a lot easier than actually facing it’s existence, so in fear of getting trampled by it he decided to keep up the former, much more mature mindset.

He carelessly threw the few things he brought along into the cupboard next to Arthur’s neatly folded clothes, then decided to start inspecting the room service menu. He had earlier made the decision to enjoy all the benefits of going on this Camelot-sponsored semi-holiday, number one aspect being that he finally didn’t have to attempt cooking for himself. Sometimes, very very very rarely, he could maybe admit, that he was the slightest, tiniest bit sick of pizza.

By the time Arthur emerged from the showers, still flushed probably thanks to all the hot water, Merlin took the liberty to order for both of them because he was starving. Arthur was furious of course that Merlin didn’t ask for his choice, but when Merlin said he ordered roasted beef for Arthur he promptly shut up and thanked him for whatever foresight brought that along.

Arthur didn’t seem particularly perturbed by Merlin’s unusual attentiveness anymore, which was probably the best for both of them on the long run.

During dinner Arthur updated Merlin about the changes of the mission, and although he was very serious and confident about their plans, Merlin had to focus heavily on his Caesar salad to keep from having a panic attack. Arthur talked about “breaking in”, “keeping surveillance”, “integrating into the crowd” and “keeping tabs” like those were the most common free time activities, which for him they probably were, but to Merlin they all sounded like the upgraded version of the high school play he had to participate in not long after he moved to Germany, where he had a stage fright and instead of saying his lines in German he ended up using a kind of Germlish rendition of the text. He didn’t realize he had been speaking rubbish for several minutes, and it was later considered the highlight of the entire play. He ended his acting career then, and the thought of deceiving anyone was just... preposterous. He would end up standing out like a sore thumb, he was sure of it.

Arthur picked up on his discomfort and stopped detailing the necessary precautionary actions. He frowned at first - really, was that his initial reaction to everything? - but then he said surprisingly softly, “It’s going to be okay, you’ll just have to follow my lead.”

“I just don’t understand,” Merlin said while pushing around a piece of dried bread on his plate, “why can’t I just stay here, watch the security cameras, then crack up whatever electronic device you managed to steal.”

“Because if possible, we don’t want them to know we got information from them,” Arthur said tiredly - they had been through this before. “And you yourself said it’s easier to identify their private network if you’re in the vicinity.”

“Yes, I know,” Merlin sighed and dropped his head on the table, “I don’t have any proper excuses.. maybe I’ll try to get chickenpox or something.”

“Idiot,” Arthur answered, combined with a light kick to Merlin’s shin, “you know I need your help, stop fishing for more compliments.”

“I wasn’t even..” Merlin said indignantly, but as he looked up again he saw that Arthur was rousing him on purpose. What was it about that destroying that annoying smirk? Merlin found himself back on the right track.

“Good. Now that your spirits are back we can call it a day,” Arthur said then stood up to go into the bathroom once more.

“What? It’s barely past 9!” Merlin exclaimed in surprise. That was when the day was supposed to begin!

“Yes, but not all of us have slept through the entire trip here and we changed time zones if you haven’t noticed,” Arthur said, leaning past the door frame, all naked chest and toothbrush in hand. It was such a terribly domestic scene Merlin almost got a stroke from the surreality of it. “Also I want to get up early tomorrow, get into the city centre before the morning rush.”

Merlin sighed, then sighed some more. Despite spending half of his life playing fantasy games or watching science-fiction series, the increased oddness of his own life was still overwhelming. All those years of trying to become a normal geek just got completely thrown out of the window.

He couldn’t decide just yet whether it was for better or the worse.

-

“Merlin,” came the deep and obviously aggravated voice from the other side of the bed around an hour later, “could you stop moving around already?”

“I can’t fall asleep, it’s too early,” Merlin admitted. His brain was still running high and there was no shutting it up.

“Do you want me to knock you out?” Arthur’s voice was eerily calm.

“No, I’m okay,” Merlin replied hastily and became very still. He didn’t move a bit, but he couldn’t fall asleep either. He tried his usual exercises - but none worked, until he felt Arthur falling asleep next to him and he could pick up on the rhythm of his breathing to calm himself as well.

-

For the next few days they fell into a kind of pattern, which made it easier for Merlin to adapt to his new lifestyle, no matter how disturbing it was at times.

Every day, Arthur woke up 6AM sharp to his alarm which was the theme song from Mission Impossible. Go figure. He then executed a three step waking up project on Merlin, depending on his state. First he would shake him, gently then more roughly. If that made Merlin hide behind the covers, Arthur would start kicking, just lightly or hard enough to push him out of the bed, depending on his mood. As a final resort, if by the time he came out of the bathroom Merlin was still sprawled on the bed, he would soak him with cold water by shaking his wet hair. Three days in Merlin managed to get up by himself, or at least crawl to the kitchen and make some coffee and doze off on the table there.

After some hasty breakfast, courtesy of the room service as well, they’d set out with the car Arthur had rented to explore the surroundings of the Convention Centre, where the conference was about to be held. Merlin found this part terribly boring, mostly because he didn’t know what in particular would be worth remembering. He didn’t think, or at least he hoped he wouldn’t be in a situation where he would need a good knowledge of the place in case of escaping from someone. He was bound to trip anyway. But on the second day they sneaked in, which was a bit like some childish hide-and-seek and thus incredibly enthralling, and also Merlin could install some recording devices on the monitor cables, which provided him with the entertainment of setting up a supervision and archiving system for the footage of all the security cameras. It was the only day he didn’t ask Arthur to go sightseeing, so immersed he was in a task he finally got. And Arthur’s half-surprised half-awed face at the end of the day was a lot more satisfying to see then any stupid local tourist spot, Merlin was sure.

Still they went out on every other afternoon to visit the safer parts of the city and some random sights Merlin knew or read about. He suspected Arthur only gave in so easily because of the whole “tourist disguise” which they thankfully only kept up on a “closeted” level and they didn’t have to include any PDA. Merlin wasn’t sure whether he would have kicked Arthur in the nuts or grabbed him by them if it came to that, and it was better not to find out.

Despite being aggravatingly strict and stuck up at times, Merlin found himself enjoying Arthur’s company. Although they clashed and disagreed a lot, it seemed to fuel him instead of bringing him down, and there were some quiet moments where Arthur was so immersed in his work he didn’t notice the way Merlin stared at the strong lines of his face.

Still he treated the elephant as a mouse, sweeping it out of the room the moment it appeared - even if hanging out with Arthur was kind of deliriously amusing at times, Merlin now started getting the hang of the whole mission thing and picked up on Arthur’s dedication, so he didn’t want to fuck anything up based on some kind of teenage crush or just the projection of his repressed loneliness on him. And he wasn’t even sure what orientation Arthur was - Merlin thought he had a refined emotional intelligence, but the only label he could put on Arthur for sure was workaholic.

He was even saying so, when two nights before the conference Arthur insisted on inspecting Convention hall from the dark as well, see how things and security change at the time. They had legal passes for the conference itself, but if it came to committing something obviously illegal, they needed to know all of their options. Merlin decided to trust Arthur in the matter, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to react fast enough in such situation anyway.

As the conference came closer, Merlin’s anxieties slowly turned into a kind of curious excitement, though he had one big nervous glitch in his stomach, something he didn’t tell Arthur about: he wanted to evade meeting Viviane at all costs.

-

The day before the conference, Arthur was buzzing with energy. Although he still considered the mission a rather simple and kind of routine one, the preparations naturally put him in that sense of self-importance and motivated state that could make him drive off from the edge of the world if its future depended on it. Having a cause, a goal, made him focus his every step forward, not looking back or dwelling on anything of smaller importance. His friends always joked how he would have made a good marching soldier, and the truth was that the only reason he didn’t sign up for the army was that his father convinced him he could make a bigger impact if he stayed behind and was not used as a fodder in whatever conflict the country made up last time.

It was a surprising enough confession from the then Chief of Secret Intelligence Service that Arthur haven’t had any second thoughts since he passed fifteen and signed up for the SIS’ special graduation program. He loved his job, and he loved the idea that he could make a change in the rotten world they lived in day by day, no matter how small that change was.

His so far rather erratic and unbalanced relationship with Merlin depended heavily on how the other would become a real partner or just a nuisance throughout Arthur’s mission, and though the first day and Merlin’s general behaviour wasn’t very promising, Arthur could soon get proof that there was actually a brain behind all the dizzying eccentricity.

And if he was honest to himself - which he generally was not, and that just became worse since Merlin jumped into his life - it was fascinating to watch Merlin work. Once presented with a task he actually cared about, he seemed to become one with his computer and there was nothing that would snap him out of rapid typing and clicking except for some rare moments where he stopped to close his eyes and start breathing weirdly or some other exercise Arthur couldn’t make sense of. But he didn’t care about those oddities, not when seeing Merlin’s long fingers fly across the keyboard was reminiscent of a professional piano players’ style, or when the night progressed and he still didn’t get tired, the light of the monitor cast long, intricate shadows from his cheekbones. Although Arthur thought giving Merlin something to do would finally shut him up and enable him to work better as well, he found that he could only get half as much done with Merlin programming in the room than without him - and the latter didn’t utter a single comprehensible word during those times. Still he didn’t leave the living room table they shared.

All things considered, integrating Merlin into the mission, into Arthur’s life was surprisingly, horrifyingly easy. Even when they didn’t get along properly, Arthur felt a kind of ease he only felt around Lancelot, who had been his best friend since boarding school. He hadn’t known Merlin for a whole week yet, and he had to remind himself several times a day that they were here to work together. Merlin also seemed to be keeping a secret from him, something which was related to their plans yet he didn’t share with Arthur, not even when he picked up on his insecurities. He decided not to dwell on it too much, and make the best of the brainstorming they could manage together.

On Sunday they didn’t go back to the Conference Centre, which was busy with the preparations by then, but decided to run through all the details of the plan and the blueprint of the building once more. They double-checked all the gadgets they would need as well, some of which Merlin explained to Arthur what they were for. Hopefully they wouldn’t need to use the capsule-sized smoke bomb or the laser pen just yet, but going up against the unknown, they decided not to take chances.

That evening Arthur got ready to make his final report about their plan to Gaius, but to his surprise it was not the old chief but the entire group of “his knights” behind the camera.

“Hey guys, what are you doing here?” Arthur answered their loud and surprising greeting.

“We just wanted to wish you good luck befo-,” Leon started, but Gwaine interjected with: “We want to see your Bond girl!”

“My what?!” Arthur startled. He knew it was too late to hope Merlin didn’t catch the conversation from the joint kitchen.

“Gwen said he looked just like your type, lanky mysterious black bloke like that Cedric you-,” Elyan went on, but Arthur snapped his laptop shut before he could finish the sentence.

“Do you have connection problems? Shall I help?” Merlin appeared next to him with a mock curious expression, and before Arthur could answer he sat down on the sofa and ditched his tea for the computer.

“Better be careful with these appliances, might get bitchy if you mistreat them,” Merlin chastised in joking tone as he woke up the computer, “now let’s see whether there are any problems” he continued and to Arthur’s horror he called back Camelot.

The boys answered right away, but their “Hey what happened-” dyed in their throats as they realized Arthur wasn’t alone.

“Hello there,” Merlin said cheerfully, “just thought I’d join in to reaffirm my masculinity.”

“But you don’t deny you are Arthur’s Bond... boy?” Gwaine, ever the mischievous, was the first to recollect himself.

“Depends on what that entails,” Merlin said with fake innocence even though Arthur was rapidly shaking his head, knowing such questions were easy targets for Gwaine. But before the agent could share his own interpretation, Merlin continued, “Do you mean I’m his incredibly handsome and talented partner in the mission? That would be correct.”

This raised a group of laughs from the guys, and though Gwaine still seemed keen on going into details, Lancelot promptly covered his mouth with a hand.

Arthur knew there was a reason they were best friends.

“I like you already,” Percival added from the back of the group, “tell me, does Arthur treat you well? He can be a bit harsh with newbies.” Arthur was busy acting hurt at Percival’s accusation and Merlin’s answer took him completely by surprise and literally off balance.

“Oh, he rides me hard all day,” Merlin said with a suffering expression, and it was difficult to say whether he said the innuendo on purpose because the computer seemed to explode with the noise of 5 guys roaring with laughter and he soon hid behind his teacup.

Arthur collected himself up from the floor where he stumbled in embarrassment, but his friends just started laughing harder when his face appeared in front of the camera. Arthur was too far away to smack all of them on the head so he had to be satisfied with glaring angrily at Merlin who just shrugged at him, although his entire face and half of his neck was beet red. What put an end to the entire ruckus was Gaius’ appearance, who probably became aware of the noise and sent the self-titled knights away.

“Do I want to know what happened here?” he asked with wise foresight, and Merlin choked on his tea in his hurry to answer.

“No,” Arthur provided instead of him and started slapping Merlin’s back to help him swallow properly again, not that he wasn’t completely responsible for bringing said misfortune on himself.

Gaius gracefully accepted the answer, and they went through the formalities of the mission with relative seriousness. Merlin participated more actively this time, telling Gaius about the system he built up for the inspection of the building, and explaining more handily the technical side of their plans for the upcoming day.

It was only an hour later that Arthur realized he had forgotten his left hand on Merlin’s back, but neither said anything about it as he pulled it back to bring out his ringing phone. It was a text from Leon, which read: “You looked more refreshed than I’ve seen you in months. Whatever changed, hold on to it.”

Leon was almost like a brother to Arthur, and he knew that unlike Gwaine or Elyan he didn’t send the message to tease Arthur, yet he decided to ignore the implications of it.

He subtly inched a bit away from Merlin for the remainder of the Skype conference.


	6. Chapter 6

**26/03/2012, 1.35 p.m. CDT**

**** **McCormick Place Convention Centre, Chicago, USA**

“Is everything OK?”, Arthur typed into his phone as the center stage was getting set up for the first speech of the convention. It was Merlin’s idea to communicate through texting on a protected network he set up, and while Arthur had to admit it was less suspicious during the actual lectures than talking into his hand, it still frustrated him - he could never type the message as urgently as he thought it was.

“Yes, I’m at the exact spot where we discussed. Currently scanning the open networks. Stop fussing,” came Merlin’s reply in what felt like a second. Even though they discussed every detail a thousand times, Arthur didn’t like the idea of Merlin hiding in secret behind the stage. The separation made him feel uneasy, because even though he trusted Merlin’s technical abilities completely now, he didn’t trust his nonexistent stealthiness at all. But Merlin was adamant that he wouldn’t be able to do his job properly from audience rows and so it was only Arthur who had to sit through whatever exciting topics came up, the first one being “The ROI of Innovation: Higher Risk = Higher Reward”. They located Viviane during the registration, and Arthur was sitting 2 rows behind to her left now so that he could watch her while appearing to look in the general direction of the stage. But Viviane was completely alone and that unexpected turn made him anxious about other background players.

“Just give me a status report every 10 minutes,” he wrote to Merlin.

“Yes mom” came the answer barely after his finger left the send button.

Viviane appeared immersed in the lecture, though Arthur doubted the risks she had to deal with were in any way related to product placements. She seemed to occasionally check her phone, but then again so did almost everyone else below 50 in the room. Merlin dutifully sent Arthur “OK” texts as well... for the first twenty minutes, then he probably got lost in whatever he was doing. Which could have been good for the overall sufficiency of the mission, but did very little to lift Arthur’s progressively more sullen mood. He was a man of action, and sitting in one place for so long, listening to something he had zero interest in was even worse than walking along Merlin on the street as he talked about his favorite scene from the “The Little Mermaid”.

The only redeeming aspect of the lecture was that it took only 50 minutes, thought Arthur as he clapped along politely with the other guests. In the technical break, he opened his suit jacket and relaxed his pose - he dressed smart casual to fit his role of an investment manager, and he longed for his comfortable khakis. He wrote a quick message to Merlin to check whether he was still awake.

“Found anything yet?” it said.

The answer came fast again. “not yet, too many signals” then another one “sit up straighter, you’re blowing your cover”.

“We can switch places if you’re suddenly so socially aware”

“sure if you can tell me what frequency at&t uses”

“I bet I could Google it”

“yes maybe, but i know it by heart and no time is wasted”

“Careful or I will waste a second to kick your skinny ass”

“thinking about my ass, are you?”

“you wish”

There was no reply for several seconds, and Arthur almost thought he managed to outwit Merlin, but then came the reply “eyes ahead”.

Arthur looked up and saw that Alice Murray had taken the stage and was arranging her papers. Maybe it was because of the short chat, or the seriousness of the upcoming scene, but Arthur was wide awake once more, his eyes going back and forth between the presenter and Viviane. She didn’t look different from before, but it was hard to tell from the angle.

Alice’s presentation about connecting with the consumers didn’t say much to Arthur, either, but he tried getting the gist of it and watch which parts interested Viviane more or less. However she made no notes, didn’t even touch her phone this time - instead she kept looking straight ahead, almost unblinking. Arthur thought she tried to catch Alice’s eyes, which succeeded a few times - presenters tended to connect with those who paid them the most (or at times only) attention.

When it came to the short questionnaire at the end, Viviane’s hand was up first, and Alice pointed to her, smiling.

“First of all, thank you for this wonderful presentation,” she started, and Arthur silently rolled his eyes at her sweet tone. It wasn’t what he imagined she would have, but then again people’s voices didn’t always represent their personalities.

Viviane then asked something about the first study case which Arthur didn’t really remember, but he was almost certain that it didn’t hold any particular importance and Viviane was just cementing a good impression for herself. Alice answered smiling, but then her time was up and another professor appeared.

The change in Viviane was obvious only to Arthur who had been watching her for the last 3 hours - although she still sat elegantly, her eyes were less focused and she spent a lot more time looking into her lap at her phone. Once she even frowned down at it, but it was gone in a second. By the end of “Innovate your way to world class packaging”, she looked dedicated in the whatever was going on the stage once more, then left the room swiftly as the official coffee break started.

Arthur followed suit, two or three feet behind. He spent the last lecture typing up whatever impressions he could collect about Viviane during Alice’s lecture and exchanging nonsensical texts with Merlin again. But now they had a standing buffet with all the guests and lecturers, and Arthur was sure Viviane would make use of the opportunity.

He mingled into the crowd where he could less suspiciously keep an eye on Viviane and Alice, who were standing a few tables away - the latter deep in talk with an old professor, the former watching her intently. The moment Alice’s discussion partner disappeared, Viviane was on the move, and Arthur stepped in sync, coming to stand by the table closest to the one where the two women were. He bit into a sandwich and activated the pen on his jacket which served as their recording device, but he was close enough to hear most of what the women were talking of.

Viviane’s every word was sugar-coated, and she appeared to charm Alice completely off her feet. Not telling Alice about Viviane’s true identity was a risk Gaius decided to take for the sake of their overall mission, but it still gave Arthur a bad taste in the mouth. The conversation itself was innocent - after some idle chat, Viviane said she would like to ask Alice’s opinion about a project she was working on, and asked whether she would be so kind as to meet for coffee once. When Alice respectfully inquired about the topic, Viviane similarly deflected, claiming she could not summarize it easily. She gave Alice a business card then said goodbye. It was the perfect introduction - impressive, but not overbearing.

Arthur followed Viviane with his eyes as she walked out of the hall, and although he itched to go after her, he had a more important task at hand - fetching the business card still lying on the table with the valuable information of Viviane’s public contacts.

His upcoming maneuver might not had been the most elegant or thought out one, but it worked.

“Mrs Murray?” he approached Alice with his best ‘Prince Charming’ smile, “congratulations on your lovely presentation. Would you mind signing my program booklet?”

They both knew it was an odd request, but Arthur presented his best sheepish expression, and Alice continued to be too nice for her own good. She agreed, and Arthur put his own plate next to hers then quickly laid down the booklet on the other side and brought up a pen.

He wished her further great successes after she finished then calmly walked away - the card inconspicuously stuck between his fingers and his plate.

-

Back in their hotel room, Arthur sprawled tiredly over the sofa in his comfortable clothes again - he didn’t need to do much during the day, but constantly being on the edge yet not having a physical outlet wore him out. Merlin on the other hand appeared genuinely ecstatic - he could barely shut up on their way back about all the things he discovered, and back in the hotel he started to work right away on locating Viviane by her mobile number and the cracking of the e-mail address.

He tried including Arthur in the process, or at least he was talking out loud and Arthur happened to be there next to him, nodding encouragingly when Merlin shared some development. But there were no actual results yet, just many possibilities and traces to follow, as far as Arthur understood from all the technical rubbish Merlin was throwing around.

He knew he was supposed to appreciate that despite all odds, Merlin was dedicated to the mission and working hard, but he was feeling so restless that it was driving him crazy. He always gave his best to everything, worked the most and the longest, but this mission didn’t allow him much movement, physical or otherwise. Only his respect for their cause stopped him from starting to pout outright. He was idly browsing through the conference booklet, trying to figure out what else could interest Viviane on the conference when suddenly two feet appeared in his lap.

He looked up in surprise at Merlin - he didn’t realize the other man changed position on the sofa, but now he was lying sideways, notebook in his lap and lightly kicking Arthur with his legs.

“If all you can do is sigh in misery you might as well give me a foot massage,” he said without turning away from the screen.

Arthur didn’t have time to be disgusted or offended, so speechless the nerve of the other man made him.

“And why on Earth would I do that?” he asked back once he realized Merlin wasn’t joking.

Merlin abruptly stopped typing, and the sudden silence made Arthur realize that it had been over an hour since he did so.

“It would make me exceedingly more effective,” Merlin said with a very serious expression which looked very ridiculous on his face.

Arthur put a tentative hand on his feet. “I could easily break your toes, you know.”

Merlin turned back to the screen, rolling his eyes. “Not advisable, unless you want to carry me around for the rest of the mission,” he said and the clattering of the keys filled the room once more.

Arthur sighed again for great measure, but then started kneading Merlin’s wiggling feet.

Luckily for both, Merlin didn’t have enough mental processors left to give a concert this time, but he did encourage Arthur with one drawn out moan.

Arthur tried to not think too much about the situation and be glad he finally had something to channel his frustration into.

-

Two hours later, when Arthur was starting to wonder whether Merlin was still working at all or just playing around, he finally stopped typing and dropped his head back against the sofa.

Arthur pushed his feet out of his lap - he stopped rubbing them a long time ago but hadn’t wanted to disturb the other unnecessarily by moving them.

“So?” he asked while Merlin let himself be manhandled into a proper sitting position.

“Not much,” he started, “the phone number is a fake and probably gets redirected to a call router on their network. The e-mail account is empty, I guess it’s made for just the occasion and it has no connection back to other addresses.”

“So nothing can be traced back?” Arthur asked as Merlin took a breath in his rambling, unable to contain his disappointment.

“Well, not from here,” Merlin answered tiredly, though there was still a shadow of excitement on his face, “but I could identify their network from the number’s redirection handling. Still, I can only break in and get more information if I can listen in on the data packages, and for that they’d need to be in range.”

“So you can crack their network tomorrow?” Arthur asked, hopeful.

“Probably,” Merlin admitted, but he looked troubled, “if Viviane is there.”

Arthur frowned as he realized they had no confirmation of Viviane’s further steps. What if she considered her job here done now that she made contact with Alice? But wait..

“Alice can’t call her, because we have the card. She will have to make an appointment with her again, and the conference is the best opportunity for that.”

Arthur felt himself growing confident once more, but Merlin still looked troubled.

“Yeah, maybe,” he said, then before Arthur could dwell too much on his reaction, he abruptly stood up and clapped his hands, “dinner time!”

They ordered take-out that day as well, from a Chinese place they tried before. For the first time since they met, Merlin ate in complete silence, devouring his noodles as if his life depended on it. Arthur on the other hand found himself just poking around his food, not feeling any hunger. The end of the day gradually brought back his previous distressed thoughts, and he was too tried to shrug off the changing emotional waves with objective reasoning.

His senses tingled at one point, and when he looked up he met Merlin’s scrutinizing eyes over the kitchen table.

“Why the long face?” Merlin asked, confused, “we’re moving according to plan, aren’t we?”

“Yes,” Arthur answered with a small smile intending to reassure him, “you did really well, despite odds.”

Merlin narrowed his eyes at the weak answer, which made Arthur a lot more self conscious.

“Could it be,” he started slowly, “that you’re one of those overachievers who are depressed unless they are the hero of every day?”

Arthur spluttered at the description. “It’s not about being a hero it’s about doing your best to-”

“Oh my, you really are,” Merlin interrupted him, disregarding Arthur’s indignant expression, “that’s kinda... cute. In a self absorbed way, but still.”

“What makes you think you know anything about me?” Arthur retorted angrily, though he was more embarrassed than offended. This past week with Merlin was a whirlwind, and he seemed to rocket past all of Arthur’s usual defences with an alarming speed. During the last two days they developed such a domestic routine that it was only now that Arthur remembered once more that they were still practically strangers.

He suddenly felt frustrated with everything - his inability to move freely in the mission, the way his life seemed flow out of his control and, most of all, Merlin’s curious eyes which made him feel it would be completely normal to sit down and have a heart-to-heart right then.

But it was not and it shouldn’t be. They were partners on a mission, and only for the sake of the mission.

Arthur stood up to throw out the remnants of his dinner, and answered Merlin’s troubled inquiries with mumble that he would get ready for the night.

-

Arthur seemed to end up in an endless loop of frustration - first he was annoyed at everything that did or did not happen during the day, then he grew irritated that he became so emotionally unsettled. Later, lying in the bed, he was frustrated for not being able to sleep because of his disturbed mood, even though for once Merlin was dead still next to him.

For a while, at least.

“Hey,” Merlin broke the silence and turned on his side to face Arthur, “I’m sorry if I offended you earlier, I wasn’t entirely serious.”

“It’s okay, I shouldn’t have lashed out at you, either..” Arthur sighed, staring at the ceiling.

After a short while Merlin spoke again, and his voice was tentative and quiet. It reminded Arthur of the times when Morgana and he sneaked out of their rooms in the middle of the night and had secret meetings in the kitchen or some else, planning world domination together. The memory brought a bitter smile to his face.

“Did you always want to be an agent?” Merlin asked. The question took Arthur by surprise, but again most things Merlin said or did had done so as well.

“Yes,” he answered right away, “I never wanted to be anything else,” he added honestly as he realized he couldn’t recall a single other dream. Even as a little kid, he always aspired to be someone like his father, and those thoughts just cleared and solidified as he grew up.

“Must be nice... being so sure of what you want to do.”

There was something in Merlin’s voice that made Arthur turn sideways and inspect his tired face.

“Why? Don’t you enjoy what you do?” he asked, not hiding his confusion after seeing Merlin so immersed in his work during the past days.

“I do but...” Merlin started, looking away then somewhat shyly back again, “this was the first time I felt that it all actually... has a purpose.”

It felt like a surprisingly raw and intimate confession, which Arthur didn’t know how to deal with - this new personal level was threatening to create even more confusion in his head, so he took the more comfortable, joking approach. He raised a mock eyebrow and asked, “Do I want to know what you made a living of before?”

Merlin laughed heartily, and the dimples on his face were visible even in the scarce light that streetlights provided.

“Yeah, not sure about that,” he answered with a cheeky smile, and Arthur returned it before turning his head upwards once again.

“Good, now go to sleep because we will have a long day,” he said and lightly kicked Merlin under their separate covers for great measure.

Merlin groaned in mock horror, “I’m not sure this feeling of usefulness is worth the trouble of getting up so early at all...” Arthur snickered in response. “Goodnight, Arthur”

“Goodnight,” Arthur returned quietly, and before he knew it, the regained lightness of his heart eased him into an peaceful sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**28/03/2012, 5.05 p.m. CDT** ****

**McCormick Place Convention Centre, Chicago, USA**

Merlin was nervous.

He had managed to avoid going out in the open and participate in the convention crowd until now, but Arthur was adamant that they shouldn’t risk missing Viviane just because Merlin liked hiding in dark corners more than mingling with other human beings.

Arthur had been rather irritable as well. Yesterday, during the first proper convention day, Viviane didn’t attend any of the lectures, and they were afraid that she wouldn’t be coming back at all. And even though she did attend the registration on the second day, she was nowhere to be found during the lectures. Merlin tried getting a hold of their network but it was not in their range apparently. Arthur got progressively more frustrated as the hours passed and he had to sit through the lectures. He feared Viviane was out of their grips for good, and Merlin suspected he blamed the entire plan for that. If it depended on Arthur, he would have cornered the woman on the first day. Still, he was professional enough not to say anything out loud about that.

Their last hope was that Viviane would attend the closing party of the convention, where Alice was bound to be present as well. Arthur was ready to follow her if it came to that, and that’s why he made Merlin attend the closing ceremony is well, so that they could move easily and they wouldn’t miss Viviane’s signals either.

But Viviane was nowhere to be found.

“I don’t understand,” Merlin said in a low voice, although they were standing alone by one of the tables, “why did she register in the morning then disappear completely?”

“Probably for getting into the building easily,” Arthur answered, “but what for?” They tried checking out the security camera feeds in the breaks during the day, but couldn’t spot Viviane anywhere.

They stood by their table, waiting and keeping a subtle eye on Alice, but nothing happened. It was close to six when Arthur appeared to have had enough.

“That thing of yours, does it work automatically?” Arthur asked suddenly in the midst of their idle chat.

“Yes,” Merlin answered, lightly slapping his pocket where his heavily upgraded smart phone hid, “it constantly monitors the available networks and when it recognizes theirs the virus will be sent.” He had already tried out the virus broadcasting the day before and succeeded in collecting very surprising information about all the innocent looking folk at the conference - but still, the main target was yet to be found.

“Good,” Arthur said, then put down his champagne glass and turned to Merlin very seriously. “That means you can do something else in the meantime. Go and chat up Alice while I have a quick look around the building.”

“What? You want to leave me here alone?” Even Merlin was surprised by how panicked he sounded. “We can’t separate, that’s always when they strike and...”

“Calm down, idiot, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” First Arthur smiled, but then his face became a mask of cold determination which did little to assure Merlin. “If they’re here and they’re planning something, I need to check it out.”

“Okay, but Arthur?” Merlin said, grabbing Arthur by the elbow as he was about to leave. “Be careful.”

Arthur looked befuddled for a while, but then a smug smile appeared on his face. “Try not to trip yourself, either.” And then he was gone.

And Merlin was nervous.

He gave himself a few seconds to collect his thoughts and come up with a topic, then he carefully approached Alice who was luckily standing alone at the moment.

“Ms. Murray, do you have a minute?” he asked then introduced himself with a fake name to the lovely woman. Lying to her felt horrible, so he quickly steered the conversation towards scientific topics.

“You said you have a doctorate in Philosophy, and I was wondering if you’d indulge in a small thought experiment with me?” Luckily for Merlin, Alice mistook his nervousness for being shy and she nodded encouragingly. “What do you think would happen if more than one company took up the exact advertising steps you collected in your lecture, could it actually be counterproductive when presented on multiple parallel spectrums?”

From then on Merlin had little to do than interject some rebuttals, and Alice passionately went through the different scenarios by herself.

“Oh Fred, what are you boring Ms. Murray with?”

And suddenly, she was there. Merlin recognized her voice instantly, getting goosebumps as an involuntary reaction as well. Viviane approached them with a merry smile, but Merlin could see the challenge in her eyes. His surprise momentarily froze him completely. How did she know what fake name he used?

And then he realized, she probably was watching the security cameras’ feed as well. She must have waited until Arthur left the room to come in herself. It also explained why he couldn’t see anything out of ordinary in the building all day - they probably faked the feeds. All these ideas occurred to him at once, and he cursed himself for his stupidity. If anyone, he should have known what they were up against, but he let himself be drawn into Arthur’s foolish hope that their mission was not uncovered yet.

Well, apparently it was, and Merlin’s life continued to be cliched in the most unfortunate ways. _Where was Arthur?_

He was vaguely aware that Alice defended him and welcomed Viviane a bit warily, but still gladly.

“Oh, by the way, I accidentally lost your card the other day,.” Alice confessed quite innocently, but the subtle side look Viviane sent to Merlin was unequivocally accusing, “but I don’t have any projects in the near future so maybe we could arrange something.”

“That is marvelous,” Viviane chirped, dragging out the last word, “maybe we could have that coffee now that the party here is dying?”

Alice looked confused, “I was having a nice chat with the young man, maybe-?”

“Oh, I’m sure Fred won’t mind - probably only attending because his old professor made him, isn’t he?” Viviane interrupted quite rudely, but she continued on confidently, “look, George is coming, you can sneak off together now.”

Merlin was still swaying from the subtle implications of Viviane’s first sentence when he realized another man, one he hadn’t seen in his life before, walked up to them.

“Hi,” he said to them as a group, his voice kind of strained, then turned to Merlin with a smile, “I’m going now, do you want to come as well?”

Merlin was confused about the intentions of Viviane with this subordinate, and he was about to blurt out “of course not, I don’t know you” when he felt the obvious sensation of a gun pressed against his back. Both Viviane and the guy looked at him expectantly, and a tiniest bit menacingly.

“Yeah, sure,” he managed to stutter out, then turned back to Alice, trying to warn her subtly with his eyes, “Thank you for the lovely discussion, Ms Murray.”

He then let the unknown guy guide him out of the room with the press off his gun, his mind racing with various distressing thoughts, and one question shouting over them all - _WHERE THE HELL IS ARTHUR?_

-

In the end, Viviane might had been a genius, but her subordinates definitely were not.

First of all, they didn’t bodycheck Merlin for anything. Probably found him completely harmless just because he was deadly pale and stumbled with every second step. But that was a really naive assumption, because, second of all, “George” ended up shoving Merlin into a room in the basement which was apparently set up as a smaller surveillance and communication center.

In other news, the most perfect imaginable place where Merlin’s little self controlled virus could go on a subtle rampage.

The realization of his surroundings’ convenience enthralled him so much that he didn’t even mind much that he was present there by being tied to a chair and with a gag in his mouth. He really didn’t even understand why the last one was necessary, it seemed to be a rather rush decision after he simply, casually commented on terrific failure of the other two guys’ attempts at evil leer when he entered the room.

After five minutes, though, it was starting to get rather uncomfortable, especially with the way he tried to crane his neck and look at the security feeds, trying to find Arthur on them. He shouldn’t have bothered, though, because not much later the door to the little room was kicked in and Arthur appeared in all his glory. Merlin thought, quite pathetically, that he had never looked more beautiful than then.

After that everything was a flurry of action and he had a hard time keeping up with who kicked whom and tried to inch out of the way of the conflict. Arthur held himself against two attackers at the same time, throwing punches and defecting with such a speed and efficiency that had Merlin reevaluate everything he thought about the surreality of action movies. Apparently, those carefully choreographed dances could be achieved in real life as well.

Merlin stopped enjoying the impromptu show, however, as he felt the cold press of a gun again - this time to the side of his forehead. Arthur had just knocked out his attackers when the last person remaining, quietly smartly, measured his chances and decided to use Merlin as a shield against the agent.

Arthur’s face fell as he turned and saw the gun, then reluctantly raised his arms in a surrendering gesture.

“Stand by the wall,” the guy ordered, though his voice wasn’t entirely even, “reinforcements will be here soon.”

“Are you sure about that?” Arthur asked, cocking his head to the side in a mocking gesture.

“Jeremy? Tom?” the guy spoke into his speakers, “did you get my message?” Then more panicked, “Hello?”

Arthur snickered loudly. Merlin wanted to punch him for provoking the person who _still had a fucking gun pressed to Merlin’s forehead._

“So what? I still have you cornered, I’ll just..” he started speaking rather hastily, then made the mistake of raising his gun to point at Arthur - or at least it appeared to be a mistake, because the moment he did, Arthur apparently didn’t feel the need for surrender anymore. He sidestepped and kicked Melin’s chair over, who fell to the floor and didn’t see anything anymore. He heard a gunshot, then a body dropping down. And silence.

He started mumbling into his gag, desperate to know what happened, when Arthur’s face appeared above his.

“Sorry about that,” he said as he started cutting up the ropes around Merlin, “had to get you out of the way,”

Arthur was moving clumsily and it took him several seconds to completely free Merlin. It was only after sitting upright once more that Merlin realized why.

“Oh my god, you’re bleeding!” he exclaimed in a terrified voice and tried crawling closer to Arthur to look at the injury, but the blonde pushed him away.

“It’s not serious. Now, did you manage to get what we came for?”

Merlin took out his phone, which luckily wasn’t damaged in his fall and saw that his little package was sent to the network. However, he got a few new ideas in his captivity.

“Can you give me one more minute?” he asked Arthur and looked at the shoulder he was holding.

“50 seconds,” Arthur answered, then walked to the door and took out his gun.

Merlin didn’t need more telling. He grabbed one of the laptops the poor guys had open on the table, and he jammed his secret weapon USB into one of them. He ran the pre-installed batch file to copy everything available from the computer, then just to make sure he sent off his virus on the private network again.

Three minutes later he joined Arthur by the door.

“You ok?” he asked him worriedly, trying to look at his injury, but Arthur shoved him to the corridor.

“I’ll manage, but we need to go,” Merlin followed his fast steps, “I took out some others before I got here but there might be more.”

“So that’s why you disappeared?”

“Yeah, they were waiting for us to get separated.”

The only reason Merlin didn’t start rubbing it under Arthur’s nose that he had been right was that Arthur was panting heavily and Merlin became gradually more freaked out. He figured out which route Arthur was trying to take and then walked up to support him by holding him from the side and draping his good arm over his shoulders.

“I can walk by myself,” Arthur complained but made no attempt of freeing himself from Merlin. Their previous inspection of the building paid off in this moment at least, and soon they were approaching their car in the parking lot.

“Can you drive?” Arthur asked on the way.

“I have a license, but...” Merlin tried explaining but Arthur cut him off.

“Good, then drive” he said then opened the door and flopped down tiredly on the passenger side. Merlin eyed warily the keys Arthur passed him - he did get a driving license 3 years ago, but he had very rarely driven since then. Still, Arthur looked in no state of controlling a vehicle. Merlin took a big breath and got behind the wheels.

“So, which hospital should we go to?” he asked as he turned on the navigation system.

“No hospital, go to the hotel.”

“But you’re-”

“NO, I don’t want to deal with the police. I have enough stuff to patch me up. Now shut up and bloody drive already!”

Merlin tried to find a balance between driving carefully and still as fast as possible, but despite his old routine kicking in, it still took them a little over half an hour to get back to their hotel. Thankfully no one took notice of Arthur’s state in the lobby and they safely got inside their room. Arthur made a beeline for the bathroom while Merlin double checked the door, then grabbed the first aid kit. By the time he got to the bathroom, Arthur had already ripped off his shirt and Merlin could see the wound on his shoulder, which didn’t look that deep but there was still an awful lot of blood around for Merlin stomach.

It must have showed on his face because Arthur sighed. “Just give me the box, I’ll take care of it.”

“No, I’ll help,” Merlin said determinedly, “just tell me what to do.”

  
Arthur measured him for a moment then nodded.

“Rinse a towel with warm water and clean up around the wound, but be careful not to get anything in it,” he said and sat down on the chair in the middle of the room, then raised his arm halfway in the air. Merlin did as he was told and started lightly touching the towel to Arthur’s shoulder which was smudged all around with blood.

“Press it harder or I’ll bleed to death by the time you finish,” Arthur spat after a minute passed.

“Okay-okay”

Merlin stepped closer and put a hand under Arthur’s arm for support and better focus, then started slowly but steadily applying pressure on the skin from the inside out.

At one point Arthur winced but he urged Merlin to go on, so he swallowed his worry and tried to objectify the task ahead of him. He regretted never playing with any of the surgical games Freya had sent to him, though he doubted a mouse controlled game could reproduce in any way the touch of burning skin, the smell of iron and the brush of ragged breaths against one’s neck. In his concentration Merlin found himself entranced by the rhythm of Arthur’s pulse under his finger, which was both reassuring and alarming.

“Okay this will be good,” Arthur said, craning his neck to the side for a moment, “now bring the antiseptic cream and apply it to the edge but be careful - argh!”

“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry,” Merlin apologized vehemently for touching his cream-covered finger a bit over the edge, then spread the cream carefully, this time slowly and softly. Arthur’s breathing seemed to start evening as well and the room didn’t feel suffocating anymore.

“Good. Now bandage, first the pad then fix it with the roller bandages as strong as you can.”

Merlin used up almost an entire roll in his attempt to completely secure the bandage and brushed his fingers across it several times to make sure it stayed.

“It’ll do, thank you,” Arthur said, but Merlin didn’t move away immediately. His gaze was fixed on the, now covered, wound, and his mind strained for the words that could release him.

“Thank you for coming back for me,” Merlin said eventually, his voice barely above a whisper. He finally turned away from Arthur’s shoulders to look into his eyes instead, which were staring back at him in surprise.

“I promised I’d look after you,” Arthur answered softly, still looking a bit confused but sensing whatever weird mood came over Merlin.

“Well, yeah,” Merlin mumbled, then absentmindedly brushed his fingers across the bandage once more. He stepped away abruptly, and started packing up the first aid kit. “You should probably go rest,” he added.

“Nah, I need to report to Gaius,” Arthur said and he stood up slowly, then walked back to the living room despite Merlin’s incoherent sputterings about his condition.

Merlin took his time cleaning up in the bathroom as he tried reordering the chaos that was his mind. Facing Viviane again after 14 years, feeling the press of gun against his skin, and above all, Arthur getting shot trying to save him... it was too much for a day. He gripped the sink, fighting against the feeling of helplessness that had been building inside him since he was kidnapped. What was the point of his so called gift if he couldn’t analyze such a simple and common situation properly and gain the upper hand in it? Writing hacks, sending malicious data through a network... those were all passive, done behind the safety of the computer. Not comparable to Arthur putting his own health on the line to save him.

Merlin didn’t have a hero complex. Parts of him thought Arthur acted reckless and brash. He didn’t aspire to be like him. How could he ever? How could he ever have that strong conviction and trust in his own abilities? If he had more knowledge... maybe they wouldn’t have had to go to the conference at all... and then Arthur wouldn’t have...

He sighed, trying to stop wondering about all the “what if” scenarios, knowing it was useless to do so anymore. But the attempt of objective analyzation of their afternoon didn’t bring him peace of mind, either. He was hunted by the possibility that he compromised their mission, that Viviane recognized him and ultimately that’s what exposed them and their... weaknesses. He considered telling Arthur everything, part of him felt that he deserved to know, but in his current state he felt nothing but disgust for himself and his past. The thought of Arthur developing similar feelings was unbearable.

Merlin slowly calmed himself down with his usual techniques and some light exercise. He washed his face and went to join Arthur by the sofa.

“Finally!” Arthur exclaimed when he saw him, then frowned, “are you okay?”

“I should be the one asking you that,” Merlin retorted then sat down in front of the notebook and greeted Gaius. He felt Arthur’s gaze burning into the side of his face.

“Shall I give a report of what I did as well? I probably need to look through the collected data before I can send it to you,” he started rambling to cover up for his nerves.

“No need for that,” Gaius interrupted him, looking at him suspiciously as well, “we’ll meet soon.”

Before Merlin could even articulate his question, Arthur confirmed his hunch.

“We’re going to Camelot.”


	8. Chapter 8

**30/03/2012, 11.34 a.m. GMT**

**Camelot Headquarters, England**

Arthur thought he was way too young to experience the feeling of “take your kid to work day”, but that was the closest description he could come up with for his current predicament.

Merlin might had been his partner on the mission, but he was technically still an outsider - yet everyone at the headquarters, all whom had been trained about secrecy, welcomed him as if he was just an adorable lost puppy who wandered into their building and could do no harm. It was his comrades’ reckless openness, and definitely not their friendliness, like the way Gwaine casually draped his arm over Merlin’s shoulder, that annoyed Arthur at the moment. Naturally.

He observed the commotion around Merlin from afar, having just came back from Camelot’s private doctor, Tud, who properly patched up his shoulder wound. The painkillers stifled the throbbing of the injury, and luckily it didn’t get infected, despite Merlin’s clumsiness when he tried to help. The memory of that night was a bit hazy in Arthur’s mind because of the slight fever he had, but he was sure something changed then, something for the worse... and he couldn’t figure out what exactly.

As he watched Merlin interacting now with some of his friends, he felt that his smiles and laughs looked strained, just as they did the day before during their travel back from Chicago. Merlin had been quiet during most of the trip, and when Arthur tried to rouse a reaction from him, his answering smiles were empty and distant.

Arthur couldn’t figure out what had changed so drastically, neither why the said change troubled him more than the new complications that have arisen in their mission. He was so immersed in his thoughts, that he didn’t even notice the figure walking up to him until they spoke.

“He seems to have charmed everyone already,” Leon said from his side and Arthur jumped a little in surprise. Leon gave him one of his knowing, also infuriating smiles.

“How is your shoulder?” he asked, though his eyes were shining with mischief that had nothing to do with the question.

“I’ll survive,” Arthur answered while pulling a face, turning back towards the other side of the hall again out of reflex, then right back to Leon when he realized he was being scrutinized. “And how did you guys cope without me?” he asked in a vain attempt to divert Leon’s attention.

“We obviously had less fun than you, but we managed,” Leon answered with a smile creeping on his face still.

Arthur had always looked up to the older agent - first as a rookie to the experienced Camelot agent on his graduation exam, then with a more refined respect during the long years of their friendship and all they had been through. He knew Leon wouldn’t be tactlessly prying the way Gwaine or Elyan could be, but he looked like he was about to burst thanks to whatever that was on his mind.

Arthur gave in with a theatrical sigh. “Okay, spit it out.”

“What, it’s nothing,” Leon said with his most innocent smile, “I just merely wanted to point out how curious it is to see you more interested in something... someone than your ongoing mission.”

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about,” Arthur retorted, but he could feel a slight blush on his face.

Leon smiled again, and he was very lucky Arthur owned him his life around two times and thus let him get away with the ridiculing curve of it. He very pointedly did not follow Leon’s head as he turned to look ahead.

“Don’t worry, I think he likes you as well,” Leon said as he looked at Arthur again, but before the latter could come up with a properly incredulous and not at all flustered response, the older agent motioned for him to turn ahead as well.

Merlin was looking in their direction and silently mouthing what could only had been “help” given the context. Arthur raised a mocking eyebrow in answer, to which Merlin started tapping his nose with his finger.

“Oh dear lord, he is sending you the S.O.S. sign,” Leon said just as Arthur burst out laughing. The noise alerted the others in the hall to his presence, and they greeted him with loud exclamations followed by manly hugs - with one near crushing experience courtesy of Percy.

Arthur was quite literally enveloped by the cheerfulness of his comrades for several moments, letting their joy wash through him as well, and it was only after a break in their excited chatter that a heavy weight settled in his heart again - as his eyes locked with Merlin’s in the distance.

His hacker partner had an odd expression on his face once again, a curious mix of sadness and fondness which he couldn’t quite cover up with the smile he flashed in reflex towards Arthur. The troubled clouds were back in Arthur’s mind as he tried to understand the reaction - it was very unlike the man’s usual bold behaviour. It reminded Arthur of that one night when they argued then had a quiet conversation lying in the bed. Merlin looked different that time as well, but not in an unsettling way as he did now - and Arthur felt compelled to somehow help him regain that childish energy that seemed to fuel him, the same way Merlin managed to calm Arthur’s own demons that night.

But before he could start properly wondering how to go about that, his friends swept them both away towards the cafeteria for a healthy lunch.

*

He didn’t get much of a chance to talk or even look at Merlin later during the day - Merlin met Gwen for the first time at the cafeteria, and they hit it off so well that Arthur wouldn’t have been able to interject anything in the middle of their excited chatter even if he knew what he wanted to tell or ask the other man.

After lunch Merlin accompanied Gwen to her workshop to further indulge in their common interest of technical inventions. He looked happy enough, for the first time that day, yet Arthur still had a kind of painful glitch in his stomach he had no name or explanation for. To get his mind off the matter, and to escape the suggestive teasing glances in his direction which seemed to have multiplied, he locked himself away in his office under the excuse of writing a report about their mission.

He didn’t have more success than the last time he had been sitting in his uncomfortable chair, and after an hour of mindless scanning of the files and staring at a blank document, he decided to visit his friends before he drove himself crazy in wait for the scheduled meeting with Gaius later in the afternoon.

As suspected, the “knights” were still busy with their post-lunch relaxation in the common room. About 10 agents lingered around on the many armchairs and sofas when Arthur entered, half of them occupied with their computers in solitude - but the room was loud with the ruckus around the XBOX. Gwaine, Percival, Elyan and George were playing what appeared to be FIFA Soccer and making an enthusiastic show about it as always. Although it was Arthur’s favorite game, this time he decided to sit down next to Leon and Lancelot who were talking quietly a few seats away.

Their caught-in-headlights expression made Arthur suspicious but it was too late to walk away anymore, and he felt that he had been doing an awful much of that lately, metaphorically or otherwise.

“Can’t focus on your report?” Lancelot asked him after a remarkably fast recovery.

“Can’t type because of my shoulder wound..” Arthur answered, with what he thought was a completely logical argument - especially as he spent the past 5 minutes making it up - but his friends just laughed at him.

He felt the beginnings of a very bad habit with that. It’d been a long while since he felt insecure about... anything, really. He was used to pushing his way through with raw determination and ignorance at times when needed, but now he was suddenly so sick of going around in circles that when his friends looked at him curiously, he was overwhelmed with the rather alien feeling of the need for talking.

Leon seemed to have sensed his mood because he said, “We’ve been just talking about your _partner._ ”

“Well what about him?” Arthur asked, ignoring Leon’s unnecessary emphasis on the last word.

“It’s a bit strange that they let him come to the headquarters so easily,” Lancelot said, “no that I think he is untrustworthy, it’s just unprecedented that’s all..”

“It is,” Arthur shrugged. He couldn’t deny he had reservations towards Merlin, nor that he still felt like the man was hiding something crucial, but those doubts transitioned from a professional to a personal level - or so it seemed. “Gaius has known him from a long time, supposedly.”

“He did survive a week with you, and that must count for something,” Leon added jokingly, “so what is he like, anyway?”

Arthur was rather good at detecting traps, so he answered with care, “I know he doesn’t look like it, but he is actually rather smart and good at all the IT stuff.”

“So Gaius didn’t hire him just because he is your type?” asked a suddenly appearing Gwaine with comically wide eyes.

“We are on a mission,” Arthur said, articulating every word slowly.

“So you don’t deny he is your type!” Gwaine exclaimed merrily as Elyan and Percival appeared then as well, pulling up chairs to sit around the group. Arthur found himself scrutinized by 5 pairs of curious eyes, and although he usually thrived for the other agents’ unwavering attention, in this moment he didn’t particularly enjoy it. Still, the familiarity of them sitting all huddled together was a nice feeling, and he found himself relaxing into the comfort of his friends. Theirs was a relatively big group, forged by the many trials they pulled through together, and even if everyone looked at Arthur as if he was about to give away free candy, he knew that this was his one chance to get everything off his mind.

“Okay, what do you want to know?” he asked them eventually, trying to look exasperated but failing in the process.

*

What followed was probably one of the weirdest hours of Arthur’s life, including the one he spent with Merlin in Chicago hunting for ghosts based on urban legends. He did humour his friends mostly with the strange adventures they had together, trying to refrain from actually talking about emotions and any other complicated things, but somehow it helped him sort out everything finally.

He liked Merlin. Yes it was frightening, inappropriate, too soon and another seventy five kinds of wrong, but he did. Admitting that to himself was almost refreshing, even if it did raise numerous other questions he had no desire to deal with, but it did make one thing easier - he no longer sweated about feeling concerned for Merlin. And with that in mind, he became a goal driven man once more.

Sorting out his thoughts also helped him focusing on the mission again, and when his friends had to leave for some actual work, after brushing off their lewd remarks and advices, he went back to his office as well to write up the abandoned report. In his remaining free time he tried to browse through all the data Merlin collected and then organized the previous day, but it was such a vast collection he had no idea where to start. He was in the middle of reading some of Viviane’s mails, trying to find anything between all the formal lines, when the time for the scheduled meeting came.

When Arthur arrived in the meeting room, Gaius and Merlin were already there, chatting happily. He almost felt like an intruder until Gaius turned a wide smile towards him.

  
“Arthur! Welcome back. How is your shoulder?”

“Thanks, I had worse,” he answered and sat down next to Merlin in front of The Chief, “I tried looking through some of the data in the afternoon but I couldn’t find anything worthwhile.”

A strange noise came from his side, something akin to a snort, and he turned with a frown towards Merlin, who stared back innocently, saying, “What? I was coughing,” and then proceeded to demonstrate it for good effect.

Arthur kept looking at him for a while, inspecting - Merlin did seem much more like his usual self, but he felt that something was still off. When Merlin finished joking around and returned his stare with a questioning one, Arthur turned away and forced himself to focus on the mission at hand. The official one, anyway.

“Well, luckily Geoffrey and I managed to filter through the information more effectively during the day thanks to Merlin’s organization,” Gaius started explaining, “I’ll send you the important bits later. We’ve found something that seems to hold detailed information about the medicine, but of course nothing was actually recorded about their plans on the computers they brought along to Chicago.”

Arthur felt disheartened. Despite all their efforts, Viviane was still one step ahead of them.

“So what now?” he asked.

“We’re going to analyze the description of the medicine, trying to figure out it’s effect and purpose, but if we want to bring this to official hands we need more proof. Your next task is to infiltrate the office of the company that is supposed to sell the medicine and fetch more data and possibly the medicine itself, if it has been produced yet.”

“They have an office in Notting Hill,” Merlin added, “we found it out from their letters.”

“You should rest as much as you need, but we should get a move on soon before they make any drastic steps to stay hidden,” Gaius addressed Arthur, who huffed in answer.

“I’m ready to go any moment.”

A barely audible murmur came from Merlin’s direction with words like “hero” and “complex”, to which Gaius smiled briefly.

“Try to rest and prepare tomorrow, and if you’re ready you can start the inspection the day after.”

Arthur nodded absentmindedly, momentarily distracted by Merlin’s expression, which was a strange mixture of amusement and sadness again.

He tried not dwelling on that too much for now, and rather focused on Gaius’ briefing and further details of their mission. He ended up feeling a vague sense of self disappointment for failing to provide anything productive for their goal during the day, and not even light throbbing in his shoulder chased that guilt away, so deep rooted his own self-criticism was.

By the end of the meeting, he felt more like himself, the old version anyway. His mind was buzzing with ideas regarding the mission, and his determination had been awakened. However he was also very experienced at multitasking, and it was with more focused attention he turned towards Merlin.

“I’m going out for a few drinks with the guys tonight, would you like to join?” he asked in one go, secretly proud that the weird fluttering in his chest didn’t cause him to stumble over his words.

Merlin measured him silently for a bit, then smiled ruefully. Even though it was a honest expression on the man’s face once again, Arthur felt his stomach drop even before he finished answering.

“Would be fun but I’m spending the evening catching up with Gaius, sorry.”

“Mmh yeah, of course, that’s cool,” Arthur rambled, “you know my address, right? Or you can just call me and I’ll pick you up.” He was rather happy at that moment that it had been decided that it’d be the safest and most convenient if Merlin stayed at Arthur’s small flat in the city. Arthur would have probably gone sick worrying about Merlin walking around his own otherwise.

“Sure,” Merlin answered, inspecting Arthur curiously, which made the latter experience different kinds of uneasiness and so he decided to retreat until things completely crumbled down around him.

He was in serious need of a few drinks to stifle the suddenly surfacing teenage girl side of his self.

*

Arthur hadn’t realized before how pretty the lamp he bought for his living room looked when staring at it from the carpet under it. _So bright_ , he thought as he stretched out on the floor.

He felt a buzzing sensation in his pants which made him giggle, but when it didn’t stop he realized he needed to do something about it. He got his phone out of his pocket with some difficulty then spent a few seconds trying to figure out which way to stroke the screen to make the ringing stop.

“Hello?” he asked into the machine. He laughed at how funny his voice sounded. “Hello?” he repeated for the joy of it.

“Arthur?” came the voice from the other line, “it’s me, Merlin.”

Of course it was Merlin. “Hello _Mer_ lin” he said, dragging out the first syllable of the name as long as he could.

“Arthur, are you okay?” Merlin asked and Arthur frowned.

“Of course I’m okay” he answered. Silly Merlin, always overreacting. Like when he got shot and he panicked. That was silly, he should have known Arthur was invincible.

He realized Merlin said something while he was wondering about his own heroics. “What?”

“I asked you where you are,” Merlin repeated angrily, which didn’t make any sense, “are you at home?”

What a stupid question again. Of course he was at... well he was in his flat. That was definitely his lamp above his head. But something didn’t feel right. Then he figured it out.

“You’re not here,” he said. Stupid Merlin. If he was at home he would know Arthur was at home.

There was a long silence on the other side. Arthur checked whether the phone was still on.

  
“Merlin?” he asked, suddenly feeling a tightness in his chest that was entirely uncomfortable.

“Arthur, I called you because I’m staying with Gaius for the night, uhm...”

Arthur’s chest did more funny things. He wondered if he was sick. Maybe he was. Maybe he was dying and Merlin didn’t even know because he wasn’t even there.

“Would you do something for me?” Merlin asked.

“Of course,” Arthur answered right away.

“Get some water to drink then go to sleep, okay?”

“What, are you my nanny now?” Arthur asked, laughing out loud at the image of Merlin in a nanny’s robe. Would totally suit him, having such a pretty face and...

“Just do it, okay? We will meet at Camelot tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Arthur answered absentmindedly, currently busy picturing Merlin in an apron.

“Goodnight, Arthur”

“‘night”

As the line went dead, Arthur stared back up towards the ceiling at the light, feeling that he had missed something but having no idea what it was.

_Water?_

*

When Arthur woke the next morning, he felt disgusted by himself, and not because his first coherent thought was Merlin baking in nothing but an apron. But maybe a bit that as well.

Thanks to his devastating headache, the awful taste in his mouth, and his almost complete lack of memory from the night before, it wasn’t difficult to figure out he managed to get completely wasted the night before... something that hadn’t happened for years, not even after Owain passed away and everyone struggled in their own way to come to terms with it.

Standing under the shower, parts of the previous night came back to him, and as it clarified what led him to his current situation, a fresh wave of nausea ran through his body.

He thought letting Merlin into his life despite all logical arguments, was maybe what he finally needed to leave the confines of his bitter past behind - but in the end, he did the exact same thing as his father: drown his confusion in alcohol.

And all that in the middle of a mission. He dropped his head against the tiles on the wall, letting the water and self-deprecation wash all over him.

He started thinking about Merlin, trying to recall the realisation he reached the day before, and his cock twitched in anticipation, reminiscent of all the times he couldn’t keep himself from picturing the black haired man while touching himself during the past week.

Embarrassed, he started stroking himself slowly, momentarily letting the pleasure replace every worry and trouble in his mind. When his release came, he found himself emptied to the core - mentally as well.

What drove him to heavier drinking the day before wasn’t the prompting of his friends to start talking about his feelings, but the depression that came over him as he realized the magnitude of his attraction towards Merlin, and the impossibility of their entire situation. Feeling so strongly about someone he barely knew, someone who only spent time together with him because of a job, was just devastatingly pathetic. And maybe, maybe it was just this, the sexual attraction, he thought now - the natural attraction between them got distorted by the situation they were in.

 _But that’s all it was, and all it ever could be_ , Arthur decided with a stern bitterness he was used to already. He got out of the shower then prepared for what promised to be a rough day by drinking a glass of raw eggs.


	9. Chapter 9

**02/04/2012, 3.56 p.m. GMT**

**Kensington, London, England**

Merlin had 99 problems and the annoying asymmetrical pattern on the unfamiliar tablecloth in front of him was one of them.

Probably not the most crucial one but the others were too painful to even think about.

So instead of dwelling on things like the early mid-life crisis he appeared to have because of the resurfacing ghosts of his childhood, or the hunting guilt he felt every time his eyes fell on Arthur’s bandaged shoulder, or the mysterious change in Arthur’s behaviour between an endearing drunk phone call and their cold meeting the next day, or the permanent ache in his chest which grew like the rift between them, or the paranoia that Arthur had figured him out, or the self pity for growing so attached to someone he had known for two weeks... he glared at the tablecloth under his laptop.

Maybe if the pattern was corrected, everything in his life would fall into place as well. Maybe.

Currently Arthur and himself were occupying a flat whose owners were conveniently out of town and where the windows conveniently faced towards the office building they confirmed as the place where Viviane operated. Merlin didn’t know how much of this convenient luck was thanks to Camelot’s interference, and he felt vaguely uncomfortable sitting in someone’s flat obviously uninvited. He wanted to share his distressing thoughts out loud as well, but decided against it, because all the conversation he had had with Arthur in the past two days consisted of short and almost entirely formal sentences. Two weeks ago he would have accepted the fact that Arthur was a heartless robot, but after seeing countless examples proving otherwise, he just didn’t know what to do with this new version of the agent. He found himself longing back for their casual banter and natural chemistry from a few days ago, but it seemed completely lost and Merlin was probably at fault for that as well.

He tried acting the same after their ordeal in Chicago, but something just broke in him - a wall which contained his demons, and the small fence trying to keep that blasted elephant representing his attraction to Arthur away from his heart.

 _There are some things you can’t share without ending up completely infatuated with someone, and seeing them take a shot to protect you was one of them._ Or so Rowling said. Kind of.

He shook his head, and focused on the screen ahead of him. This was the second day of their monitoring of the office - yesterday was Sunday, and no one was there so they could only do a check up on the building and the neighborhood, but today they could actually see the movements of their targets. Arthur was sitting by the window with binoculars, trying to see what was going on behind the many windows of the old office building, while Merlin tried to find and break into their local network once again. Neither of them had much success yet, which didn’t help their already rotten mood.

While waiting for some useable feedback from his scripts, Merlin tried to go through everything he learned from the Chicago files, for the hundredth time, but he could not actually recognize what the medicine was for. The letters spoke of it as a “meal supplement”, but that was already a very crowded field of the market, and he had no idea why Viviane would want to start competing there. Whatever the medicine contained, it was most probably not legal - not if they were willing to kidnap him and murder Arthur to get away with it. Seeing Viviane’s extreme carefulness, he was doubtful whether they would find anything at all in their search of their building - and even if they did it wouldn’t necessarily be enough evidence to compromise her. She didn’t receive any legal backslash in the scandal a decade ago, either.

But these were aspects of the mission he didn’t have an overview of. He wished he could talk with Arthur about it, but he didn’t dare to break the other’s concentration - which was what he complained about the last time Merlin made a small comment. And so they remained sitting quietly in the flat of some random family, only the noise of traffic from the main road breaking the silence.

Some half an hour later Arthur suddenly swore out loud, but didn’t move away from the window.

“What happened?” Merlin asked and walked up to the window, mindful to remain hidden by the curtains.

“That can’t be..” Arthur murmured, his eyes not leaving the binoculars.

“What is it?” Merlin tried anxiously again. He had no idea what Arthur spotted or what his rigid body language meant.

Arthur was silent for a while, which convinced Merlin there was no emergency, but he was still curious about what had finally changed.

“It’s... I think,” Arthur started as he lowered the binoculars, and then he looked up at Merlin with a surprisingly vulnerable expression, “I think I saw my sister.”

Merlin didn’t entirely know what to make of this information, as he hadn’t even known Arthur had a sister before, but from his reaction the situation was probably not a simple “oh what a crazy happenstance that my beloved sister just happened to walk by on the street”.

“Was she in the office?” he prompted as a start.

“Yes, she was talking with one of the guys I was watching, it was like...” Arthur voice got lost as he peered through the binocular again.

“Do you think she is working there?” Merlin asked when he didn’t seem to come back to Earth.

“It looked like that,” Arthur said eventually, then before Merlin could burst out with the question that nagged him the most, he continued with, “I don’t know, I haven’t talked to her in over a year. I didn’t even know she was in the city.”

The distant persona Arthur sported in the past days cracked under his honest confession, and Merlin reveled in their closeness again. He didn’t dare to break it, and tried speaking in a soft voice.

“You think she can be involved with Viviane? What is her profession?”

Arthur was lost in his thoughts for a while again. “I have no idea. She studied graphic design, I think she was interested in... web development maybe.”

It was probably the sadness radiating from Arthur, but Merlin found himself empathizing with whatever strange and tragic past the agent seemed to have with his sister. He reached out instinctively to put his hand on Arthur’s good shoulder.

Arthur stirred at the contact, and for a moment Merlin was afraid he would rip his arm off and push him away, but then Arthur lifted his other hand and put it over Merlin’s, tightening his fingers over Merlin’s briefly, then turned back towards the window and brushed the contact off with the movement.

“Doesn’t matter, we will proceed as planned,” he said, his voice back to the same cold tone except for the small wavering in it. Merlin walked back to his computer as well, but his mind replayed the previous scene over and over again for the next minutes. That small contact between their hands sent a warmth through his body, and even as Arthur visibly closed off again, he found the ache in his chest softening just the tiniest bit. It felt like his heart was hard-wired to Arthur’s movements now, the smallest gesture capable of changing the entire configuration.

It was terribly frightening and possibly inappropriate, but also too sweet to get stifled at this point.

Merlin groaned quietly then turned to his screen just in time to see a flashing “connected” text.

*

After Merlin successfully broke into the buildings’ security network and found a way to use Viviane’s earlier trick of faking the footage for their later break-in, Arthur relaxed in his watch. They still had about 7 hours left until the scheduled entering, and the awkward silence between them was starting to choke Merlin.

“So, uhm, how is your shoulder?” he asked nervously, which was rather ridiculous considering how easily they hit it off just a few days ago.

Arthur was fiddling aimlessly with the binoculars, and when he looked up at Merlin there was hint of his old spirit behind his eyes which made Merlin a bit more hopeful they wouldn’t end up murdering each other before the day was over.

“I’ve told you, I’ve had worse before,” Arthur answered with a hint of smugness.

“Tell me,” Merlin prompted eagerly. They’ve talked a bit about Arthur’s past achievements, but nothing specific really - the agent seemed wary of spilling anything confidential, and Merlin didn’t take it personally.

Arthur measured him for a moment, then dropped the binocular and turned to face him properly.

“I once had to rescue someone from the war zone in Iraq,” Merlin drew in a breath of awe and surprise, “I was shot three times and I broke two ribs after flying from the impact of a grenade. But we succeeded.”

“But... war zone? Isn’t that a job for soldiers?” Merlin asked, trying to shake out images of Arthur on the brink of death out of his mind. He regretted his question now, no matter how much admiration he felt after hearing the story.

“Politics,” Arthur commented with a shrug, “I bet you had your fair share of non-legal work as well.”

“Excuse you,” Merlin exclaimed while dramatically putting a hand above his heart, “does the word ‘ethical’ before ‘hacker’ means nothing to you?!”

Arthur just raised a mocking eyebrow in answer.

They held a staring match of over exaggerated expressions, then both burst out laughing simultaneously. Merlin had never felt so refreshed by laugh before as he was now.

“Nah really, most of the time it’s just hacking websites... there is no real threat sitting behind anonymous accounts and fake addresses,” Merlin said once he calmed down.

Arthur’s face shifted at that, but he didn’t withdraw like before. “My sister used to do that as well, I think... she was rather vocal about the lack of protection at most websites,” he murmured almost absentmindedly.

“It is very ridiculous, indeed, uhm..” Merlin didn’t want to ruin this new, fragile thing they had, but his curiosity and urge to comfort was overwhelming. “So anyway, how come you two are apparently... not in touch anymore?”

Arthur stared at him for a while, but his eyes were not cold like before, and Merlin tried to stay steady and reassuring during the inspection.

“She felt... stifled under my father, and broke all contact with the family after she graduated college,” Arthur said, opting to look at the wall instead, “I’m not sure why, we haven’t talked since then. I didn’t even know whether she was still alive.”

“That’s... I’m sorry,” Merlin offered awkwardly, “my father disappeared when I was 10. I have no idea where he is, or whether he is...” His voice broke in the middle of the confession. He thought he was used to talking about his dad, but apparently the recent confrontation with his childhood reopened those wounds as well.

Arthur walked over to sit down on the couch by his side, but not doing anything further than offering a quiet, “uncertainty is sometimes worse than.. knowing the truth.”

Merlin could only nod along silently, and they remained sitting there for a while. Merlin enjoyed the closeness, which he found both comforting and calming. He put the distressing thoughts away for another time - he contemplated coming clean to Arthur now that they were apparently sharing their vulnerabilities, but Gaius told him it could potentially do more harm than good, so he locked the memories away once more. Still, he couldn’t help but cling to this small development they finally had, after the sourness of the past days.

“Say, can we drop the whole ice princess thing now?” he asked half-jokingly, half-hopefully.

Arthur’s expression turned from calculating to amused then to hurt and back. “You started acting all standoffish for no reason.”

Merlin couldn’t help but smile at the childish comeback. “Well excuse me for being traumatized by getting kidnapped,” and for having a potential existential crisis and an irrational crush on Arthur’s very person, but that was probably better left out.

“You could have talked to me about it, you know,” Arthur spurted out, and he seemed to regret it but didn’t take it back or shy away from Merlin’s imploring stare.

“Thanks. You should, as well, instead of acting like I’m just the scum on your shoe.”

“Who says you are not?” Arthur asked with a smirk, and with that their usual banter was back on full force. Some tickling might have occurred as well until Arthur hissed out in pain.

And as Merlin looked at Arthur’s tousled hair, he felt the ache in his chest morph into a bittersweet happiness once more: no matter how little days he had left of this strange relationship, he decided he wanted to enjoy every moment of it.

*

But they were not actually on a honeymoon or a matchmaking reality show, and after several hours of talking and periodical checks on the office building, the time for proceeding with their plan had come.

And so Merlin found himself swinging on a metallic rope, cirka 5 meters above ground level, freezing his ass off at 1AM.

“Could you stop the bloody quivering?” Arthur murmured angrily from a feet away where he was in the process of opening the window from the outside.

“Just for your information, not all of us have been bitten by radioactive spiders and enjoy hanging around at dangerous heights,” Merlin grumbled, to which Arthur chuckled lowly, “so could you just bloody get on with in?”

“Just a sec, Mary Jane” Arthur answered and continued fiddling with a wire around the latch.

“I’d prefer Gwen but I won’t argue if I survive this,” Merlin mumbled back, nervously glancing at the house across the street to see whether anyone spotted them.

“There,” Arthur said after an audible click and he pushed the window open. They both jumped in quietly, their ropes automatically wrapping back up to the roof from where they started lowering themselves. It wasn’t the most convenient plan, but they were in, and so far it seemed they were successful at disabling the security alarm as well.

Merlin waited a few minutes for his legs to stop shaking.

“Okay there, Robin?” Arthur asked him.

“As if you’re cool enough for Batman...” Merlin spat, but he gradually regained his composure.

They landed inside a completely regular office area - several tables with computers, shelves stacked with folders, a few obligatory plants and motivational posters. They scanned the main hall with their flashlights, and soon they found an intriguing board holding some printed pictures which appeared to be all shots with the same scruffy guy in front of a red background - he was smiling charmingly at the camera with a blinding set of teeth in each of them. There were some handwritten notes pinned above every image, texts like “just enjoy life - Betastrong will take care of the rest.”

“These must be their marketing plans for the pills,” Arthur affirmed Merlin’s thoughts, “a bit cheesy, especially combined with this fellow,” he added then walked a few feets back to take a picture of the board.

Merlin felt weird about the slogans - despite being cheesy, some of them almost sounded menacing to him. Maybe it was just because he knew the source of them. He decided to dwell more on the marketing choices later, and go in search of a computer that didn’t belong to a mere secretary.

They found the secluded room with the name tag “Viviane” on it soon enough. It was locked from the outside but Arthur solved that rather easily. A bit too easily as far as Merlin was concerned, so he hurried to the PC in the room. He started the computer and put in his prepared cracking CD. He redirected the booting to his CD, which started transferring the data from the winchesters to his pendrive soon enough, and while the process run he spent some time looking around the room. It was rather empty compared to other parts of the office, the only significant feature the big desk and the single armchair facing it.

“Doesn’t look like they made any experiences here,” Arthur said, standing by the door, gun held loosely in his hand.

“No, they probably had those somewhere else,” Merlin confirmed, “I can’t see any of the medicine either.”

“Strange,” Arthur said, “how long until your thing is finished? I have bad feeling about this.”

“Just a minute.”

Merlin started opening the drawers of the desk, brushing through them idly. In the bottom one, he found some small folders which looked promising so he turned on the small reading lamp at the table, but when he scanned through the titles his entire body froze.

The second to last one read “Merlin”.

He tried labouring his ragged breathing but the sudden influx of once-familiar terror was overwhelming. He opened the folder with shaking hands, and inside there were indeed pictures of... him. Some were from his school yearbooks, others were snapshots on the street, and in between them there was data of what appeared to be his entire life, from his thesis to his hacking stunts.

After all these years, he was still not free. He was so focused on trying to swim against the flood of memories that he didn’t even notice Arthur walked up to him and was calling his name until he shook him.

“Merlin? What is it?” he asked, then when Merlin didn’t answer, he looked at the folder in his hand, “is that you?”

Before Merlin could collect the courage to look up at the agent’s face, someone turned the lights on in the entire room.

*

“Of course it’s him,” said a female voice by the door. Merlin looked up, still in a daze. It wasn’t Viviane, but a beautiful young woman with flowing blonde hair he didn’t recognize.

“Come on Em, don’t look so traumatized,” she continued, looking at him pityingly, “did you honestly think we forgot about you?”

 _Em?_ No one had called him like that for years. The M &Ms, as people referred to them. Him and... “Morgause?” he asked, trying to compare the woman before him to the memories of the small girl he used to play together with.

“The one and only,” she answered with a smirk.

“Merlin,” Arthur reminded him to his presence in a stern voice, “what’s going on here?”

Merlin looked up at him, trying to gauge his reaction, but Arthur was staring firmly ahead, his gun raised towards Morgause. That was only when he realized the woman was sporting a smaller gun in their direction as well. Good, a psychotic genius versus the injured and now probably mentally unstable agent. Best day material, honestly.

“Erh... I presume Morgause is working together with Viviane,” Morgause rolled her eyes at his carefulness, “you could say we have a bit of... history together.”

“A ‘bit of history’, Merlin, really?” she jeered, “You’d be nothing without Viviane.”

“Is that what you tell yourself at night?” he asked back more quietly, to which her face entirely froze, but there was no discernible emotion on it. Of course, since _emotions are bad and useless - when will you learn, Merlin?_

“It’s not too late for you to join us,” she said eventually, her words aimed at Merlin but her eyes carefully switching between him and Arthur, “we could achieve great things together.”

“I’m afraid your definition of great and mine are no longer compatible, Emm” Merlin answered, glancing up at Arthur, who was eerily quiet. Would he believe Merlin’s pledge of loyalty?

“That’s too bad,” Morgause said, “I still have to take you to Viviane, though.”

“I’ve just told you, I’m not going to cooperate with you,” he said, then, feeling bold, he added, “you can’t make me.”

“Oh, Merlin,” she sighed with fake sadness, “I think those were your father’s last words as well.”

Merlin saw red for a minute, his mind clouded by anger and desperation, but then he reminded himself Morgause couldn’t possibly know about that. She was just a little girl at the time as well, just a year older than him. She was baiting him. He bit his lip and started very slowly moving his arm under the table.

“What do you need me for, anyway? I’m not big on chemistry” he decided to ignore the previous implications, and he tried to inconspicuously reach into his pocket.

“I can’t tell you now, can I? You need to come along for that.”

“And how are you going to make me do that?” he asked with more confidence as his fingers closed over the small metallic mushroom he was aiming for.

“You come or your friend dies,” Morgause answered coolly, and despite expecting something along these lines, Merlin’s stomach still clenched anxiously.

He realized Arthur hadn’t said anything for a long while now, which might had been a sign of his concentration or something completely different as well. Merlin didn’t have the time to check where he stood mentally, he just had to trust that Arthur believed his answers to Morgause.

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly defenseless,” Arthur said finally with his usual self-assured tone just when Merlin started wondering whether he completely left them in mind.

“And as you will notice soon, I was not stupid enough to come without back-up,” Morgause sneered back. Arthur and her measured each other silently for a few moments. When Merlin couldn’t take the tension anymore, he activated the little mushroom in his hand and threw it Morgause’s way who was distracted enough to not be able to react fast. The device exploded a feet away from her in the air and the emerging glas cloud immobilised her immediately.

Merlin pulled up his shirt in front of his face, snatched out the flash drive from the computer then stood up to make a run for it. Once a respectable distance away from the cloud, he stopped to see where Arthur was - only to be dragged along with the agent right away. Arthur’s grip was very strong, bone crushingly so through the entire way as they ran to the ground floor and climbed out of the windows there. He didn’t stop for a second until they reached his car, which was parked several streets away. Merlin didn’t dare utter a single word during those minutes - when he glanced up at Arthur’s face, it wasn’t hardened by determination but something much more ugly and vicious. Arthur let go of him after he manhandled him quite aggressively in the back seat.

Merlin felt like he was treated as a criminal, which really wasn’t a good sign.

“Look, Arthur,” he tried initiating conversation once they reached the main road, but Arthur cut him off.

“Not now,” he barked, and raised the speed of the car. Merlin decided to shut up, especially so because Arthur was checking whether they were followed or not. He wondered what could be better, reaching Arthur’s flat safely and facing his wrath or dieing in a car accident thanks to his extreme driving style before it.

Merlin tried collecting his thoughts to prepare for the inevitable argument, but as the adrenaline rush left his body, a creeping terror slowly took over his entire soul - ghosts of his past shadowed his present, and he didn’t know where to look, because every direction looked dreadful.


	10. Chapter 10

**03/04/2012, 03.23 a.m. GMT**

**?, London, England**

Arthur closed the door of his flat, and gave a few minutes to himself to calm down and switch back from the autopilot mode that he had to rely on for making it back to safety alive instead of doing something reckless and brash.

Like punching this guy called Merlin in the face, who was now standing in the middle of his living room looking positively guilty.

Arthur’s guts wretched with the thought of betrayal - once again, for better or worse, he was deceived. Part of the anger burning in his mind was directed at his own naivety, but greater percentage was focused on the tall man with the lanky arms, the ridiculous ears and the slightly crazed eyes in front of him. The very image of childish innocence, as Arthur once viewed him - and yet he played Arthur for a complete, utter fool.

“So, _Merlin_ ,” he started, tasting his name like it was the first the time he said it, “I seem to have missed it when you told me about being involved with our target in the past. Care to share?” Even Arthur himself was surprised how venomous his voice sounded. Merlin looked shaken, but he returned his glare steadily.

“I thought it wasn’t important and wouldn’t come up, Gaius agreed that I shouldn’t,” Merlin rushed to say, but Arthur interrupted him.

“Gaius knew about it?” he asked, and he realized that while that dissipated some of his doubts about Merlin’s true loyalties, it also created a profound ache in his chest. His mind was far too gone in confusion to consider the reasons for that, and he just kept talking instead, “so what, neither of you considered me trustworthy enough to share all the information with me? Even though I’m the one who is putting my fucking life on the line here?”

Something sad flashed across Merlin’s face, but he continued determinedly, “It’s not about you being trustworthy, we thought it wasn’t connected and telling you would just complicate things and...”

“I took a bloody shot defending you,” Arthur snarled at him. He felt embarrassed of that memory now - the overwhelming anxiety when he noticed Merlin was gone, the burning need to have him out of harm’s way and the irrational desire to maim everyone who was responsible for putting him on that chair, looking at Arthur with terrified eyes. A mixture of shame and hurt was swirling inside of him. “Did you not consider it would be relevant to tell then?!”

Merlin looked momentarily speechless at that, so Arthur continued on, raising his voice gradually, “And you were just prattling about like we were fucking friends or something while all along you just led me by the nose, eh? All those heart-to-heart talks, and your bloody wise comments, you must have had a lot of fun stringing me along like-”

“I didn’t want you to hate me, okay!” Merlin shouted suddenly, and Arthur was literally taken aback by the force of it - he hadn’t even realized how close he walked up to the other man. “I was a bloody idiot who thought we... we have something nice going on and I thought if you learned the truth you’d be disgusted by me, so excuse me for being a fucking sentimental twat.” When he finished, Merlin kept staring at Arthur - his face rigid with sharp lines, his eyes shining with tears...

Wait, _tears_?

Great part of Arthur’s anger seemed to have disappeared with a whoosh from his body as he looked at Merlin, really looked for the first time since they started arguing - the man looked positively wrecked and more pale than ever before, and although his jaw was set firm and defiant, his body seemed to shake with a slight tremor. Arthur also realized that none of them was actually talking about the mission anymore. He still felt offended, but he couldn’t help the concern growing inside of him.

“Well what is the big secret I’m supposed to get disgusted about?” he asked in a less harsh voice than before. Merlin measured him silently for a moment, then his hardened expression slowly crumbled into something more vulnerable, almost shy. He dropped down on the couch behind him, and waited until Arthur took a seat opposite him as well.

“In Viviane’s file... it said she had to go into hiding after a scandal many years ago, do you remember?” Merlin started, his eyes fluttering across the room nervously, only settling on Arthur’s face for a second. The agent nodded - he did remember there was no reason provided for the said scandal, but it was not the reason but the consequences he cared about at that point.

“Well the main thing is, she was... she was,” Merlin’s voice broke twice, but he collected himself, and finished while looking Arthur straight in the eye, “she was experimenting on people. Children.”

“And you were one of them,” Arthur finished for him. Merlin nodded and dropped his gaze to the floor.

“The luckier ones, anyway,” he said with something between a sob and laugh.

Arthur looked at Merlin, trying to find something different about him based on this knowledge, but couldn’t point out anything visible. “So, can you tell me what the experiment was about?” he asked when Merlin didn’t seem to continue on his own.

Merlin took a deep breath.

“It all started out nice enough. A group of scientists came up with several different theories for increasing brain activities, and they employed them on a group of children - most of them were almost like games, challenging puzzles or sport activities. It was like a special kindergarten, with different play time and regular check-ups, but frankly, we enjoyed it.”

Merlin tried shrugging nonchalantly, but it ended up astray in middle of the nervous jiggling of his fingers.

“When we reached the age for elementary school, we were supposed to continue on a similar, private program, but things... changed. The group of scientists and the methods changed, because, as I later figured out, the founding changed as well - it was no longer the University, but the government who directed the training. And they expected results. That was when Viviane appeared.”

Arthur realized there was a pattern to how Merlin kept drumming with his fingers, but he stopped when he mentioned Viviane.

“What did she do?” he prompted him quietly.

Merlin shook his head, and brought up both of his arms around his body, as if he was trying to keep himself from falling apart.

“Some of the exercises... grew extreme. They were testing the limits of both our mind and bodies. Some people slowly started disappearing, no longer deemed fit for the program... a year later there was only a handful of us. Morgause was one of them.”

“But the worst part was, Viviane made this concoction, I’m not sure what it consisted of, but they gave it to us with the purpose of enhancing neuron activity... and it kind of worked, except we developed mental disorders, like OCD and BPD and ASDP and... anyway, they used it against us. The concoction was addictive, and they made advantage of our clouded periods by reinforcing their influence on us and...” Merlin’s voice broke, and Arthur realized he was close to suffocating himself with his own arms. He got up and walked slowly over, then sat down next to Merlin and extricated him from his own embrace. He closed a firm hand over Merlin’s.

“It was terrible, Arthur, being completely aware of the... absolute inhumanity of your situation, yet unable to break free. We were under 24/7 surveillance by then. And at one point, all the knowledge they were trying to inject into us changed from common science to... military tactics and human intelligence. They were raising us to be weapons Arthur, weapons.”

Arthur strengthened his hold on Merlin, unable to say anything. Merlin’s tale was shocking, and he had to reconsider everything he thought he knew about the man - but it wasn’t with the previous anger and betrayal, but a burning sense of protection and sorrow.

“My father, he... he was part of the initial program, he got me in. They kicked him out when the, heh, objective changed, and for years I didn’t tell him about anything because - it was consuming, you see. Even when I did, we couldn’t change anything - I was barely allowed to see him, and they made us sign contracts which made it unable to withdraw and...” Merlin clung to Arthur, screwing his eyes shot for a second. “My dad managed to get me out eventually, but I don’t know at what price. My mother and I moved to Germany with Gaius’ help but... I never saw my dad since then.”

Arthur wrapped an arm around Merlin’s shoulder as he realized the other man was shaking with silent tears. “It’s okay, it’s over now,” he said as he tried soothing him with light strokes.

“But it’s not, can’t you see?” Merlin pulled away, but fisted Arthur’s shirt angrily, “they are still monitoring me. And Morgause is right... they made me who I am. No matter what I do, they’ll always be part of me.”

“We will get rid of them,” Arthur declared confidently, “we will expose their plan and send them to jail and they’ll never trouble you again.”

Merlin’s expression changed from angry to confused then something rather soft. His grip loosened as well, but he didn’t move away. “So you are not by repelled me?”

“I feel sick about what they did to you, and slightly offended that you didn’t tell me about this, but why would I be repelled by you? I’m not,” Arthur said reassuringly, but Merlin dropped his gaze in shame.

“Because I’m a fake. Because my mind is running 120 percent every minute but more than half of that is occupied by pointless things to keep my sanity. Because none of my achievements are actually mine. Because I compromised your entire mission. Because I-,”

“Merlin,” Arthur interrupted him with a teasingly menacing voice and put his hand on Merlin’s face to make him raise it and look at him, “you have some unusual quirks, so what. I still think you’re beautiful.”

He felt Merlin’s cheeks heat under his hand simultaneously as his own mind caught up with his mouth, but he couldn’t find it in himself to call the admission back. Because as they were sitting there in the dimly lit room, Merlin staring at him with wide honest eyes, his entire soul laid bare in front Arthur, he honestly thought he hadn’t seen anything or anyone more beautiful before. He absentmindedly stroked Merlin’s cheekbones, indulging in the desire he had been carefully ignoring so far.

Merlin leaned into his touch, his eyes never leaving his, going back to their normal size, then slightly squinting as he grew a small smile.

“I’m sorry, but I have to kiss you,” he said and Arthur felt his own heartbeat quickening at the sentence right away.

“Poor me,” he sighed into the decreasing space between them, and in the end he couldn’t tell who was the one who initiated the kiss.

It was just a soft press of their lips at first, similar to the small pecks they shared a few weeks ago - but those weeks spent together felt like a lifetime now, and their soft touches now seemed to encompass everything they’ve been through together. Arthur felt something bubbling deep in his chest, something that seemed ready to burst his heart as he let himself enjoy Merlin’s closeness. He slid his fingers into Merlin’s short black hair, holding him close when they parted after a few seconds.

“Hey,” he breathed, and god, that sounded silly, but for some reason necessary.

Merlin stared at him with those bright blue eyes that looked even more captivating from this close up, then he smiled, a wide brilliant smile, and Arthur felt the excited creatures in his chest break free, wreaking havoc. He pulled Merlin back before he could finish his own “Hello to you a-”

Merlin didn’t need a lot of encouragement, and soon their kisses turned from chaste to open-mouthed and dirty. Sitting sideways was not the most comfortable for their activities, and after a bit more tugging and frustrated groans Merlin ended up in Arthur’s lap, using his leverage to deepen their kiss properly and have their tongues slide against each other. Arthur put his hands across Merlin’s back, stroking him and holding him close at the same time, gradually melting into the heat of their bodies. When he involuntarily lifted his hips, the contact of his clothed erection to Merlin’s ass made both of them gasp out loud, and Merlin dropped his head on Arthur’s shoulder, panting hotly in his air.

“We, we shouldn’t,” he mumbled but his fingers didn’t loosen their grip on Arthur’s scalp.

Arthur tried to get through the haze in his mind, and felt the distant probing of some uncomfortable thoughts, but none seemed as important as relishing in the sensation of Merlin pressed against his body.

“I don’t care,” he answered, then laughed at the ease of his confession. He felt free, and it was both foreign and incredibly intoxicating. “I don’t care,” he repeated as mantra, pulling Merlin’s head up from his shoulder and framing his face with his hands. “I don’t care,” he said again, quietly, then leaned forward and kissed Merlin slowly, taking his time to enjoy dragging his tongue across Merlin’s lips, his teeth and his tongue. He felt Merlin smiling against his lips and it sent waves of happiness through him as well.

“We should move somewhere more comfortable, though,” Merlin said, leaning his forehead against Arthur’s. They extricated themselves from the couch with some difficulty, as neither of them was willing to let go of the other, then stumbled into Arthur’s bedroom amongst ridiculous giggles.

Merlin jumped on the bed, then stretched out and looked at Arthur expectantly, who spent a few seconds appreciating the view in front of him. He lowered himself slowly, brushing his fingers across Merlin’s thighs then under his shirt, resting his fingers on his sides and looking up questioningly. Merlin swallowed then nodded silently, so Arthur grabbed his shirt and pulled it over his head with some help. His fingers scattered across Merlin’s naked chest - he was more fit than he imagined, not sickly thin as he looked under his baggy shirts. He dropped his head next to Merlin’s neck and inhaled his scent, murmuring things he was barely aware of thinking.

It took a sharp pull on his shirt for him to realize Merlin was trying to get him undressed as well, so mesmerized he was. He leaned back and Merlin followed him, the two of them getting his shirt off, Merlin’s fingers following every new patch of revealed skin. When Arthur finally tossed his shirt away, Merlin softly ran his fingers up his arm, coming to a rest on his shoulder wound. He didn’t extricate any pressure, just left his hand on the light bandage, warm and protective. When he looked up at Arthur through his dark lashes, their eyes connected with something that reached deep behind their lust-clouded mind, striking a chord that seemed to intensify Arthur’s desire to explore all of Merlin.

He gently pushed Merlin back on the bed and kissed him soundly, unashamedly enjoying the dominance his position provided, then embarked on his journey to kiss all the other parts of that maddening body - Merlin’s sharp and distracting cheekbones, his endearing ears, the soft patch of skin behind them, his long and taunting neck, the firm lines of his collarbone, and his moderately haired chest all the way down to his waistband, savoring the way he could make Merlin squirm and fail to hold back his moans when he sucked or licked at one spot, every sound going straight to Arthur’s hard cock.

“Stop being such a bloody tease and get on with it” Merlin said huskily when Arthur made a show of kissing his stomach along the line of his waistband and he couldn’t help smirking against the skin.

“Get on with what?” he asked looking up at Merlin who attempted to glare at him but it just looked adorable in his flustered state. Arthur raised a challenging eyebrow, then, without a warning, rubbed his hand along the line of Merlin’s straining cock over his jeans. Merlin’s eyes rolled back and he dropped his head down, breathing a low “yes”.

Arthur didn’t need more incentive and he unzipped Merlin’s jeans and pushed them down but only until the middle of his thigh, because the way Merlin lifted his hips to help with the task was so obscene his mouth ran dry and he couldn’t help reaching for his briefs as well. He absentmindedly registered some weird cartoon figures, then all his attention was drawn to Merlin’s bare cock.

Arthur started stroking him immediately, but slow and careful first, trying to gauge his reactions on what he liked best. Merlin’s penis twitched as Arthur’s breath ghosted over it, and from then it was only natural to lean forward and lick the red swollen head. Merlin’s long fingers appeared in his hair at that, grasping almost painfully, and Arthur opened his mouth wider to swallow as much of Merlin as he could.

He was not familiar with blowjobs, being mostly at the receiving end of it on some one night stands he had to release the tension in his body, but this was different. Because it was Merlin, this wondrous creature who appeared in his life from nowhere and turned it upside now, and now he was coming undone under Arthur’s demonstration, which was probably the sexiest thing he had ever seen or experienced. He properly pushed Merlin’s garments off and prepared to go all the way, ready to bring Merlin down with just his mouth and tongue, but after a minute or so Merlin’s fingers suddenly went rigid in his hair, stopping him.

He popped off Merlin’s dick with a loud, obscene sound and looked up, confused. Merlin had his eyes closed, breathing heavily.

“What is it?” Arthur asked, amidst a bit of coughing, when Merlin didn’t explain himself.

“Iwaddrusame,” Merlin groaned, which was too gibberish even for his standards. Arthur somewhat regretfully let go of Merlin’s balls he had been fondling, and climbed up to lay beside him and hear what he was trying to say.

“I want you,” Merlin started, his voice breaking nervously, eyes half lidded with lust, “I want you... inside of me,” he finished, staring at Arthur with a somewhat stubborn determination, and the raw admission made Arthur shudder with want. He grabbed Merlin roughly by the head, kissing him until he was sure his answer, his desperation went across properly, then he pulled away to reach inside the small cabinet by the bed.

He fumbled out of his clothes in a childish rush, then he was back between Merlin’s legs, occupied by a lube and a condom finally. He wanted to lift Merlin’s legs over his shoulders but that was not possible in his current condition, which Merlin seemed to realize in synch and he threw a pillow at Arthur. Using that to prop Merlin’s backside up, he started preparing him with his fingers, slow and curious, careful to let him ease into it and trying to find that one spot he knew would feel the best. Two fingers in, he managed to press against it, which earned him a new kind of moan and some more cursing of “bloody get on with it”.

Arthur pressed soothing kisses against the inside of Merlin’s thigh, and when Merlin seemed to accommodate his three fingers well enough, he pulled out to prepare himself as well. He put the condom and some more lube on his own throbbing penis then maneuvered to Merlin’s entrance, but hesitated for a second, trying to catch Merlin’s eyes for a final confirmation.

Merlin’s eyes were dark and hazed but he kept Arthur’s stare and then slowly smiled, which could have made Arthur come right then and then, but instead he finally pushed inside Merlin’s prepared hole.

When he got all the way in, Merlin became a bit stiff, so Arthur tried to help him ease with kisses, taking the chance to let himself adjust to the incredibly overwhelming sensation of being inside Merlin, of having Merlin wrapped around him. The impression of union Arthur felt at that moment was unprecedented, and he was so lost in it that it took Merlin to croak “move” for him to finally succumb to their urges.

It took them a short while to find their pace, and the angle which was the most pleasurable for Merlin, but from then on Arthur felt that their bodies were alight with fire, every single one of his nerves tingling with it. Pleasure built strong inside him and he reached the edge when Merlin came with a broken moan of his name, clenching around him. His orgasm was blinding, and when he came to he was lying on top of Merlin, who was staring at him with a silly and giddy expression.

And even after Arthur pulled out and they half-heartedly cleaned up, as he burrowed into Merlin’s embrace, he still felt that Merlin was all around him, and that the world now consisted of Merlin and nothing more.


	11. Chapter 11

**03/04/2012, 12.05 p.m. GMT**

**?, London, England**

Merlin was screwed.

Rather literally, as the small throbbing pain in his backside reminded him, but that wasn’t particularly his problem at the moment. No, while slightly related to his main problem, that definitely wasn’t the main source to his brief uncomfortableness.

No, he was screwed because when he sleepily cracked his eyes open, the first thing he glanced at was Arthur’s content, sleeping expression just inches away, and an army of butterflies seemed to erupt from his chest as he was overcome with silly notions like happiness and peace. He involuntarily tightened his hold on the other man, thinking about how he never ever wanted to wake up from whatever this was. Merlin decided he would be content to spend the rest of his life like this in the bed, doing nothing at all - well, maybe not nothing, as last night’s exercise was healthy and probably recommendable several times on daily basis for completely logical and objective reasons.

His heart was bursting with the joy of the moment, no matter how his slowly waking mind tried battling against it. A thousand cliches ran through his brain but none mattered, when for the first time in forever, he felt he was at the right place. Arthur not only accepted the truth about him last night, but embraced it in a way that made Merlin feel close to normal once again. He never wanted to break from this peaceful mindset, but of course the world had other plans - this time in the form of his ringing phone.

With a disappointed sigh, he let go of Arthur and sat up, trying to determine from where the “Imperial March” was coming from. He ended up crawling across the bed and bending down to fetch his trousers from the floor, successfully locating his phone in it’s pocket. He saw Gaius being defined as the caller and that seemed to dissipate the last of the pink clouds in his head.

“Hallo?” he asked nervously in the phone.

“Merlin! Is everything okay?” came Gaius anxious voice. He looked around the room, trying to wake himself up completely. Arthur seemed to be blinking tiredly as well.

“Yes, we are fine,” he answered. Reality slowly started rebuilding itself and made all of Merlin’s plans to stay in bed forever vanish.

“I was worried sick, did the mission go well? Why didn’t you report?”

Merlin was momentarily distracted as Arthur sat up, blanket falling down from his naked chest and looking around with tousled hair and slightly unfocused eyes.

“Erh,” he answered in the phone, “there were some complications but we succeeded.”

Arthur shifted closer to him, mouthing ‘Gaius’ and Merlin nodded. Their legs brushed and Merlin couldn’t help reaching out with his free hand to stroke Arthur’s hair down.

“When can you get to the headquarters?” Gaius asked after a short silence.

“Mmh, an hour maybe?” Merlin asked, to which Arthur managed to both glare at him and look suggestive at the same time. Merlin swallowed heavily, “Or maybe in two,” he added in the phone. Arthur looked pleased.

Gaius took a while to answer again. “Fine, see you then. Be presentable.”

Merlin gawked in horror at the last sentence and when the line went dead he threw his phone away, feeling like keeping it close actually exposed their situation to Gaius.

“He-, he knows!” he murmured in answer to Arthur’s raised eyebrow, but the agent just shrugged with a smirk.

“Gwaine did have this theory that Gaius organized the whole mission just for matchmaking purposes,” Arthur said eventually. Merlin tried to look affronted, but his theatrics were halted when Arthur pulled him close in a clumsy embrace. No man could protest to being snuggled by a warm, oversized puppy.

“Did sex break you or something?” Merlin murmured into Arthur’s shoulder, “I thought you’d go back to all James Bond mode at Gaius’ call.”

He felt Arthur stiffening in his arms and immediately regretted the pointless mumbling. But before he could panic that the moment was gone forever, Arthur relaxed and went back to nuzzling his hair.

“I’ve just decided it’s easier to give in to you than to battle against it,” Arthur whispered and Merlin shuddered from both the confession and Arthur’s warm breath against his ear. He felt himself falling - no, not falling, more like plummeting downwards like a rocket, heading towards this terrifyingly exciting mess the two of them created.

“So,” he said, leaning back a bit to look at Arthur, “what exactly do we need two hours for?” he asked coyly.

Arthur smirked back devilishly, then bent forward to take Merlin’s bottom lip between his teeth, sucking gently on it then dragging it a bit.

“Oh,” Merlin said rather eloquently, then pushed Arthur back on the bed, rationality be damned.

*

Two hours and thirty-two minutes later they parked in the garage under the tall building Camelot resided in. Arthur turned off the ignition, but didn’t move to get out right away. Merlin watched him curiously.

“Ehm,” Arthur began, and this hesitating side of him was still something Merlin didn’t know well, “don’t take this the wrong way, but can we keep this whole... thing a secret for now?”

As much as Merlin felt like his chest was expanding with a happiness that was ought to be shared, he reached the same conclusion as well - it wouldn’t do well to undermine their credibility by sharing the slight craziness of the past day with everyone. “Of course,” he answered, pressed a soft kiss to Arthur’s cheek, then stepped out of the car before he felt the need to do more, like cradling Arthur’s adorably embarrassed face close to his chest.

They didn’t meet anyone on their way up to Gaius’ council room, despite Merlin’s first day impressions that no one was actually working at the headquarters. When they entered the room, Gaius welcomed them with relief, but his expression quickly changed to a scolding scowl. Merlin looked at Arthur again to see whether something was off, but they took extra time to double check their appearances, which mostly consisted of taming Arthur’s hair and finding something to cover Merlin’s neck with. Surely the short red scarf he was wearing wasn’t 2012, but that didn’t justify Gaius’ reprimanding stare.

“Finally,” Gaius said in lieu of a greeting, “are you both alright?”

“Yes, perfectly fine,” Merlin chirped in an innocent voice as they sat down around the table similarly to the last time they were there.

Gaius narrowed his eyes but didn’t press further. “Well, I’m glad you’re in better spirits, then you can finally report about your mission.”

“We got inside without a glitch, took pictures of some of the marketing plans they had on display for the medicine, and Merlin managed to hack into Viviane’s computer, supposedly,” Arthur explained, while Merlin slid the flash drive across the table to Gaius. They had no time to actually check the data on it, only to confirm that something he managed to transfer. “But we found no samples of the pills themselves, and we had to retreat sooner because we met..”

“Morgause,” Merlin finished, looking pointedly at Gaius. The old man was not directly involved in the experiment program, but he monitored it closely. When Merlin was older and he started doing favours for Gaius, he mentioned to Merlin that Viviane’s scandal was one of the reasons he decided to quit the SIS and start a new, independent organization of his own with those he trusted.

Gaius’ eyebrows raised with recognition at the name now, then he glanced somewhat anxiously at Arthur.

“It’s okay, I’ve told Arthur everything,” Merlin answered to the unsaid question, which seemed to reassure Gaius, though he inspected them both curiously for a while.

“I wish you’d have told me, chief, I think it was a rather crucial information,” Arthur said a bit reproachfully.

“It was not my secret to share,” Gaius answered bluntly. Merlin couldn’t help himself and seeked out Arthur’s hand under the table, grasping it firmly for a moment. He was glad he could share his past with him finally, but he didn’t want it to get overblown, not when after a long while he started to accept it himself as well.

Arthur returned Merlin’s hold and nodded firmly at Gaius.

“Well then,” Gaius continued, “what did Morgause want? Were you followed?”

“We disabled the security alarm and the cameras, I don’t know how she could have got hold of us. Maybe she just happened to be there, it didn’t look like an organized effort because she was completely alone,” Arthur explained, back to his old professional self, though he didn’t let go of Merlin’s hand.

“She talked about needing me for something,” Merlin went on, “but didn’t tell what of course. Didn’t really look like they’d actually need my... knowledge, or anything. I had a weird feeling.”

“The kidnapping really didn’t look like they wanted you to cooperate like Alice, either,” Arthur added with a bit of edge in his voice, “by the way, do we know what happened to her?”

Gaius appeared deep in thought but he stirred at the question. “I got to talk with her over the weekend, but Viviane didn’t tell her anything more than that they’re trying to get a new meal supplement out and they find the marketing challenging. They’re supposed to have a meeting after the Easter holidays. I haven’t told her anything yet, I was hoping by next week we would have more data and evidence on Viviane.” Gaius looked at them pointedly - partially to hide his own slight blush, Merlin thought.

“We will,” Arthur nodded determinedly, and Merlin no longer lied to himself about being extremely fond of that expression on the agent’s face.

“We spent some time analysing the ingredients of the medicine based on the document you got, but the only thing we know for sure is that it’s not a proper meal supplement - it has some nourishments, but those don’t make up half of the ingredients. It doesn’t have any vitamins - quite the opposite, as it has a rather high amount of PAS which can reduce vitamin absorption.”

“So what, their goal is to feed people with actually unhealthy pills? What’s the point of that?” Arthur interjected skeptically. Merlin ignored his jab, trying to see what Viviane could be interested in, but he couldn’t catch hold of the distant probing of an idea in his mind.

“Most of their marketing slogans were not focusing on selling a healthy diet, though,” he started thinking out loud, “it was more like, ‘live your life I’ll take care of everything else’. As if anyone would trust that scruffy looking guy with anything...”

“Actually,” Arthur interjected, somewhat embarrassed, “that guy plays a doctor on EastEnders and is quite popular, his name is Cenred something... he looked familiar, but I figured it out when I heard an advert on the radio on our way here...”

Merlin gawked in absolute surprise. Since when was Arthur fluent in soap operas?

“Oh shut it,” Arthur said in answer to his expression, and broke their handhold to hide his blush behind his folded hands.

“That’s very useful, thank you Arthur,” Gaius said, unaffected by the unusualness of the source. Or maybe it was something Merlin just hadn’t learned about the agent? “I say we should go through everything you collected yesterday and see whether we find more pieces for this puzzle.”

*

An hour or so later Merlin managed to recompile and parse all the raw data he downloaded from Viviane’s computer to more or less readable formats. Gaius, Arthur and him stayed in the meeting room, and all of them started inspecting separate parts of the information on several laptops. It was less comfortable than what Merlin originally had in mind - sitting on Arthur’s couch with their legs tangled together and stealing occasional small pecks while teasing the other about being stupid - but it certainly made them work more efficiently.

Gaius was looking through a folder named “lab data”. Arthur was reading Viviane’s e-mail exchanges, which actually had some examples of her interaction with Agravaine. And Merlin... Merlin found himself in that special state of mind where he was thinking about 5 things at the same time, rapidly switching between them and trying to organize it into a mental catalogue.

Using all the mental exercises he had learned during his years in the experiment didn’t feel disgusting now that he could use it against the very person who abused them on him. He found the logs for the development of the medicine, checking what did they change and why - but the comments themselves seemed to be coded, like “increase in monkey behavior”, so instead he had to go through the details by himself, switching back and forth while reading up on all the substances online. He stretched his mind to its full capacity, something he hadn’t done in years, because he felt like certain percentage of it didn’t belong to him. But now he was completely focused on absorbing everything that was there to absorb, so when Arthur shook his shoulders he almost toppled off his chair. His fingers were still typing on their own account as he blinked, trying to focus on Arthur’s worried face.

  
“What?” he managed after he finished typing the integral equation needed for calculating the probability of the contradictory effect’s occurrence between two particular substances.

“We’ve been calling your name,” Arthur said, looking confused, but then he shook himself and the expression disappeared before Merlin could catch up emotionally. “Gaius found something titled with ‘the wizard boy’.”

“Come here,” Gaius told him, and Merlin walked around the table, still feeling a bit disoriented from the transfer back to reality.

“These appear to be your performance logs from your time during the experiment,” Gaius started, opening an Excel document which seemed to hold statistics of how Viviane’s concoction affected Merlin - looking at it made him vaguely sick now, and was glad when Gaius changed to another document, “and this is similar to the other experiment diaries I found for their current project, except it’s blank and has higher doses than the ones I saw before.”

“So they want to test the medicine on me,” Merlin concluded out loud, and he had to grab a chair for support. The idea has been hunting him since yesterday but he brushed it off as paranoia.

The folder with his “alias” also seemed to have all the monitoring data Merlin found printed in Viviane’s office. He was thinking about the redundancy of that physical storing, but now he realized it was probably for whoever would employ the experiment on him. Or purely for scaring him with the proof of the complete lack of freedom he had.

“Merlin, are you okay?” Gaius asked after what must have been a smaller blackout for Merlin again. He realized the kind of terror he spent the last 10 years forgetting about was slowly getting hold of his body again. The idea of being a laboratory rat, completely vulnerable and stripped of his humanity... he wouldn’t survive an experience like that again.

“It’s okay Merlin, they won’t test anything on you,” Arthur said, appearing at this side, stroking his back soothingly, “why would they need him specifically, anyway?” he asked, turning to Gaius.

“Because the medicine is for making people stupider,” Merlin said as all the dots connected in his mind finally.

Gaius looked at him solemnly, but Arthur exclaimed out loud, “How on Earth would they manage to pull that off on the long run? What are the benefits? Or are they just simply evil?” The way he dragged out the last word made Merlin smile despite the direness of the situation.

“I’m aware it sound ridiculous but everything fits,” Merlin answered, then decided to sit down for the impending moment of revelations. “The development files had comments like ‘slug tendencies increasing’ and I thought they were just random codes for something else but... maybe they were not that random after all.”

“The individual experiment logs had similar expressions as well,” Gaius joined in, looking at his screen again, “and when cases got ‘extreme’ they cut back on the dosis, so they’re probably going for effective, but subtle, hmm.”

“I still don’t understand,” Arthur said, “why would they want to make people stupid?”

“Stupid is not the best word,” Merlin tried explaining while simultaneously going through all they had learned with the new discovery in light, “there are no stupid people just people acting stupid. Some of the substances, they have a bad effect on.. cognitive functions and overall brain activity, but as Gaius said, not something that would hinder their everyday life just what would make them...” he struggled to find a world for the image in his mind.

“Gullible?” Arthur asked with less confusion. Merlin looked up, surprised at the word choice.

“As a result, possibly, yes,” he said, “why did you use that word?” he added.

“It was something Viviane mentioned in one of her letters,” he said, and walked over to his computer, clicking excitedly, “here, ‘after two weeks they were gullible enough to fall for the first wave’.”

“What’s the ‘first wave’?” Gaius asked.

“It appears to be an altered line of marketing,” Arthur answered, still browsing his own computer, “the adverts are extended with seemingly unrelated comments, like ‘Betastrong protects me - scarves are still good in every season’”.

Merlin laughed out loud at the cheesy text, but Gaius’ eyes popped open.

“There was actually something similar in one of the diaries, it was recorded that the patient came by wearing a scarf from day something.”

“So what is it, product placement inside their own advertisement?” Merlin asked to the room at large, feeling they were on the tip of something but still not quite there.

“Hmm,” Gaius murmured, “maybe they don’t need Alice simply for the actual marketing.”

“What do you mean?” Arthur asked, even though he was the one who attended her lecture.

“She has a PhD in Psychology, not Marketing,” Merlin said, urging Arthur to keep up. The past minutes made him realize there was a crucial exercise Viviane and co. had missed in his training - the effectiveness of bouncing ideas off each other.

“So? Are you saying they need her for whatever this first wave is?”

“Possibly,” Gaius answered, “it looks like they try to exploit the patients’ connection to the medicine by... drawing them to other things in association.”

“Certain ingredients, like sugar and nicotine would enforce their addiction to the pills, and maybe they aim to trigger that feeling and use it for forming other attachments,” Merlin added.

“And they would need Alice’s expertise in both psychology and marketing to see how can that be done more effectively and probably subtly enough,” Gaius concluded.

“So you are saying... the pills are essentially just tools for controlling people?” Arthur asked.

“That certainly sounds like something more in Viviane’s interest than the health of the population...” Merlin murmured.

“If it works out the way they want it to... it has certain potential for manipulating people into buying other products, for example. That’s probably the reason Agravaine is financing it,” Gaius said.

They were silent for a while, letting the idea sink in. Merlin was mentally cleaning up, testing all the puzzle pieces against the concept, but no matter how wild it felt, everything seemed to fit.

“So let’s assume we’ve figured out their plan,” Arthur spoke up first, “I still have one question - how do they plan on getting away with it? Putting a medicine out on the market is one thing and I guess they can pay off whoever is in charge of that, but it sounds highly improbable that a mass decline in... intellect and their attempts to manipulate all as one would go unnoticed by the media or the government.”

“Well, the people who take the pills probably wouldn’t notice the change in their condition, especially if it’s slow and gradual, since it’s their very cognitive functions which are ruined,” Merlin started, “and mass behavior control is something that has always existed, even if not this focused... hmm... I guess if people would complain, it would reach the media and the government, but otherwise it’s only the competition on the market that would react I think.”

“Because people care more about money than their well-being,” Arthur scoffed at him, like Merlin was advocating the idea.

“Just see how fast the government reacts to the dropping of the stocks compared to the disappearance of some animal species,” and damn now Merlin became depressed.

“But,” Gaius broke the new, somehow even heavier silence, “this is precisely where we come in the picture.”

“Yes,” Arthur said, strong and focused once more. Merlin looked at his tall form, then at Gaius’ questioning stare, and for the first time he felt touched by the weight and importance of what Camelot stood for. They might still be a collection of James Bond wannabes, but Merlin let the cheesiness of the moment draw him in.

“Yes,” he said with conviction.

*

After an hour or so of more targeted information gathering, the final stage of their mission had crystallized. Merlin leaned back in his chair, tiredly rubbing his eyes as Gaius summarized their findings.

“We have almost all the evidence we need to create a legitimate rebuttal for the selling of their so-called Betastrong medicine, except one: actual samples of the drug. Your next step is to find their referenced laboratory-slash-factory near Crawley and get several boxes of the medicine while also documenting their research facilities. With that we can prove both the malicious contents and the inhuman development environment, put a stop to their production once and for all and make them face some long overdue legal charges. Proceed with the inspection as usual from tomorrow, is that possible?” he finished with a question, but in his rather militaristic voice it didn’t sound like anything was up for their decision.

“Sure,” Merlin answered, struggling against a jawn. All the data overload in the past hours was a bit too much for his body, no longer properly equipped for it as it seemed. That thought made him kind of happy and less of a monster.

“I’d like to request a partner change,” Arthur said after a few seconds of thinking, and the declaration made Merlin completely snap out of his sleepy state.

“What?” he exclaimed, feeling offended and a bit hurt that Arthur would want to break up their already working union.

“Why is that, Arthur?” Gaius asked, talking over Merlin’s impeding childish tantrum.

“It is a completely regular break-in and capturing mission where Merlin’s special talents are not needed, and him attending would just be unnecessarily dangerous considering the interest they have in him,” Arthur answered in a steady, emotionless voice, avoiding Merlin’s gaze to look straight at Gaius.

“After everything I’ve done, you can’t just exclude me from the fucking finale,” Merlin answered angrily, but Arthur still refused to look at him and Gaius raised a hand in attempt to calm him.

“I understand your concerns Arthur, but there is not enough time to get someone else up-to-date with the details enough to know what to look for, and you’ll still need Merlin’s IT intelligence for a smoother break-in,” Gaius answered after mulling the question over for a few minutes.

Arthur looked ready to snap, but he just nodded silently with a stern expression.

The last part of their planning that day was shadowed by this episode, the air between Merlin and Arthur becoming strangely tense and formal compared to the earlier parts of the day. It was only after the quiet drive back to Arthur’s flat when the doors finally closed that Merlin snapped.

“Look, I know I’m not a super talented agent like you but I thought last night I proved well enough that I can work together with you in crucial situations even and it really fucking hurts to have you brush all my work off just like-”

“It’s not about that, okay?” Arthur interrupted him, in a tired voice which didn’t quite match his hard expression from before, “It’s just that... you’re taking a more personal risk by coming.”

Merlin’s expression softened as he finally understood what was Arthur’s issue - he was so stuck on that one interpretation, on being offended, that he didn’t even consider that... “so you really were just worried about me?”

He walked slowly closer to the other man, who tried shrugging nonchalantly. “God knows why, you’re the most infuriating thing that ever happened to me.”

“Is that so?” Merlin breathed as he came to a stop right in front of Arthur, sliding his hands along his back then coming to a rest just inside the back pockets of his jeans, using the position to align their bodies even better. It was so easy and natural, that Merlin didn’t have the heart to doubt the rightness of it.

“Oh, definitely,” Arthur answered in a low voice, eyes darting between Merlin’s lips and his eyes, looking like he tried clinging to whatever sentimental moment he had - but soon giving in with a shudder and a hot press of their lips together.

*

Later, after collapsing on each other in a sweaty heap, Merlin dropped his head next to Arthur’s neck, feeling the way his pulse slowed down from the racing speed to a normal one with the light press of his lips against the skin, and he was touched with a sense of harmony by how the beating of his own heart seemed to synchronize with it. The steady joint tempo of their heartbeats surrounded him and cleared his mind in a way which was completely refreshing. He found himself unable to let go of it or Arthur’s body, so when the agent started moving in an attempt to clean them up, he was startled awake as if from a dream.

“What is it?” Arthur asked after pulling the blanket over their now clean bodies.

“Nothing,” Merlin answered, nuzzling back to Arthur’s side once again, “just feeling unreasonably happy.”

“I wouldn’t say it’s unreasonable,” Arthur said, lazily stroking Merlin’s back, “this was a rather great fuck.”

“Twat,” Merlin said, half-heartedly slapping Arthur on the arm.

Arthur silently kissed his forehead in answer to that, and Merlin found himself grasping for something in the sudden overwhelming wave of emotions that threatened to combust his heart.

“So anyway, since when are you a soap opera expert?” he started bubbling about the first thing that came to his mind - and going by Arthur’s responding freeze, it wasn’t the best choice.

“It’s not a bad thing really I was just surpris-,” Merlin started explaining himself in a rush, but then Arthur softly laughed and briefly strengthened his hold on him to which he went quiet.

“My father... he lives in a nursing home. I heard people talking about the show several times when I was there,” Arthur answered eventually, in what Merlin had already identified as his solemn and sad voice, which he seemed to use when talking more about himself. It was in stark contrast with the confident and smug front he showed at other times, and Merlin was mesmerized by it, like all other parts of Arthur’s personality.

“Is he okay?” he asked rather dumbly, but he didn’t know how to softly prompt Arthur into talking more.

“He is coping,” Arthur huffed, going back to stroking Merlin absentmindedly again, “when Morgana left us, it... it was too much for him. When things got bad I had to... I had to put him somewhere safe.”

“I’m sorry,” Merlin said, pressing a soft kiss against Arthur’s shoulder, “that must have been difficult.”

“It’s okay. Now, I think. He has always been too hard on himself, even after my mother died he... he never stopped. Maybe he... he needed a break.”

Arthur’s voice got strangely lost at the end of the sentence, and Merlin felt his chest tightening with sadness over what he kept inside of him like that, without an outside trace.

He struggled for something comforting to say, but only a half joke fell out his mouth, “So you say he was unnecessarily strict with himself? Doesn’t sound familiar at all.”

Instead of the defensive joking answer he expected, Arthur turned on his side so that they were facing each other, and said rather seriously: “Funny, I don’t know anyone either who talked himself into feeling ashamed of being talented.”

Merlin opened his mouth to protest against the jab, but Arthur’s steady stare forced him to face the accusation with the same seriousness. In light of the terrifying memories of the experiment, he had spent the second half of his life running away from his abilities as well, disgusted by himself but... this mission made it look like he could actually use it for greater purposes, and who cared how it came to exist, when the outcome was good? He found himself stumbling forward on the road of accepting himself, but he realized he didn’t want to go on it alone.

He pulled his hand up, gently brushing it over Arthur’s fringe and down his face, coming to a rest at his nape. “When I first met you, I thought you had a head the size of a.. mammoth,” Arthur chuckled softly, “but it’s actually just a diversion from how enormous your heart is, isn’t it?”

Arthur bit his bottom lip, looking uncertain and on the verge of a rebuttal, but Merlin held his gaze, showing him that he was not kidding around either. In the end, Arthur didn’t say anything, just leaned forward for slow and sweet kiss, which seemed to say a thousand more things.

When they broke apart after what could have been minutes or hours, Merlin settled down against Arthur’s chest, content and sleepy. Arthur brushed his lips against his hairline, and murmured, barely audible, “It’s very unprofessional, but.. you make me wish this mission would never end.”

“It doesn’t have to,” Merlin answered even more quietly. He wasn’t sure whether Arthur heard or not, or he simply didn’t want to answer - but he certainly couldn’t miss the sudden rapid beating of Merlin’s heart.

Still, he only pressed a soft kiss to Merlin’s temple, then tightened his hold and said, “let’s go to sleep.”

Merlin felt that he should push more, but he wasn’t sure what for - and before he knew it, the harmony of their heartbeats lulled him to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

**05/04/2012, 11.01 p.m. GMT**

**West Sussex, England**

The seeked research facility was an unsuspicious looking, slightly run down building 10 kilometers from Crawley, yet breaking in there proved to be the most troublesome in their mission yet - although Merlin managed to hack into the security system again, it appeared to be a much more upgraded system which could not be confused by their usual tricks. Freezing the security feeds remotely proved impossible, even though almost every corner of the building seemed to have a camera inspecting it and thus proposed a great challenge. What Merlin ended up doing was scheduling a system overload attack for the time of their entering, but they still needed to disable the cameras manually. After one and half days of preparing, they were breaking in through the back door now, during the security guard change, and walked hurriedly along the walls like shadows.

Arthur didn’t entirely understand the technical aspects, but the stealthiness came like second nature to him, unlike for Merlin, who was visibly stressed. They had to move fast, swift and silent, freezing the security cameras one by one on their way inside the building. And even if Merlin’s finger trembled slightly when they ran under the first camera and he was lifted by Arthur to disable the gadget manually, he didn’t say a single complaint, and his lips were set in a stubborn frown.

The past two days were a mess - they didn’t talk much, and most of that was about the mission at hand, even though they had a lot of silent conversations, battles of wills fought through their eyes only, neither of them quite managing to say what they wanted to. Until the very last minute, Arthur wanted Merlin to stay out of the actual field entering, whereas Merlin seemed set on trying to prove his capability, which was beautifully brave and equally idiotic in Arthur’s eyes. Still these fights were the comfortable ones, compared to those they did not even dare to take up - but they were there, waiting, in the quiet moments after they got lost in each other’s touch, glaring them in the face.

The future was not something Arthur had long term plans for since he achieved his goal of becoming a special agent for the protection of his country. He planned as ahead as a particular mission required, defining his own life as a sequence of challenges to fulfill. Merlin... Merlin made him start thinking about “what if” scenarios he never indulged in, about a future where he’d have more of an anchor in life than the battle-forged relationship with his friends, about holding on to the joy of all the different dimensions Merlin had brought into his life. All of it was terrifying in its uncertainty, and Arthur found himself running away from it, converting his thoughts to despairing kisses and brushing everything under the rug with a weak sigh of “maybe”.

Instead he focused on the problems at hand, for example the next corridor they needed to turn to, going unnoticed by the security camera on it. Eight meters, two breaths and one well practiced lift of the black clad hacker. After the first bumblings, they moved in perfect synch now, anticipation building up as they explored the building, looking for anything useful.

They forced open the first door they found on the corridor and found themselves glaring into darkness, unable to see anything in the dim light coming from the corridor. Merlin got a flashlight out of his bag and turned it on - Arthur’s hand was occupied by a small handgun at all moments.

“The laboratory,” Merlin whispered after a few seconds passed, then walked in slowly, looking upwards, “there is another camera here.”

Arthur hurried in, letting Merlin guide him in the darkness after he switched the flashlight off. The small red blinking was unmistakable, and in a few moments they managed to deactivate it. They stood still after it, holding their breath and waiting for any sign that they might have been discovered in the small interval, but no fast steps were heard. After a minute, Arthur patted Merlin on the shoulder, signaling that it was safe to move. Merlin slowly walked to the door, closed it from the inside and turned on the light.

“We shouldn’t take too long, if they took a walk around the building they’ll notice the lights from outside,” Arthur said once his eyes adjusted, and Merlin just rolled his eyes at him in answer. Yes, they might had gone through it a few times, but _better be safe than sorry_ , Arthur thought. Yet he found the fact that Merlin was calm enough to ridicule him reassuring.

Merlin changed his light to a camera and started walking around, documenting everything important he found while also murmuring to himself. Arthur was inspecting the room as well, but his hand was clenched around his gun and one ear was continuously listening to see whether they’d been discovered.

The laboratory contained a workbench with vials, bunsen burners, and notes scattered all around. A few sinks lined the wall with several cabinets, one of which Merlin was rummaging in.

“These are the original experiment diaries,” he said after browsing through a file, then put it in his backpack and moved on to other parts of the room.

  
“Then there must be some of the medicine around as well,” Arthur said while Merlin took pictures of the workbench. Arthur didn’t really know what to make of things on top of that, so he started opening other drawers and soon found some plastic bottles with different markings on it.

“Looks like they have the different versions, let’s take more than one,” he told Merlin and they put several bottles in his bag. They wanted to find the main manufacturing site as well, but he didn’t want to risk having to run without any samples in case they were discovered.

Merlin went around the room once again, then when he was satisfied he found everything of value, they turned off the lights and carefully moved back to the main corridor. It looked like they still haven’t got noticed, but Arthur knew that as they kept going forward, they also got nearer the main entrance where the security guard’s small office laid.

They suspected the small main hall was leading to the rooms where they actually met with the test subjects of the drug, but on the corridor after the laboratory there were several small rooms in line, all with the same furnishing: either having a small table, a simple bed, and a wardrobe or with two big leather chairs facing each other. They looked completely innocent, but Merlin’s sharp intake of breath made it obvious what their purpose could be.

Arthur reached out to hold his hand, and could feel Merlin’s pulse raging under his fingers. This was part of why he didn’t want Merlin to come along, and he now felt helpless trying to figure out a way he could make Merlin calm down. Before he could work out anything, Merlin shook himself, took a picture of the room then said, in a quiet and steady voice, “nothing to see here, let’s find the factory.”

When Merlin brushed Arthur’s fingers off, his pulse was still erratic, but Arthur played along with him.

At the next crossing of corridors, they took the direction away from where they knew the main entrance was, assuming the factory itself would be away from it. They had to disable two more cameras before they reached a huge metal double door that looked promising.

Arthur unlocked it easily with a special metal contraption, courtesy of Gwen of course, but when they opened the door there was a loud creaking noise that ripped through the silence around them. They both froze, and Arthur tried focusing on anything but his own raging pulse in his ear. They were a respectable distance from the main entrance, but there was no telling how far the sound could go, whether it was heard above the football match the guard was probably watching while half heartedly checking out the cameras with the dead feeds. He gulped down his growing anxiety, and briefly grabbed Merlin’s shoulder, ignoring the tremor under his fingers.

“Swift and quiet,” he murmured, then they entered to the room.

What they found behind the heavy metal door was a big space, akin to a warehouse - and in the middle, a single, complicated machinery. They turned down the camera they found just above the door, but didn’t turn on the main lights. Merlin’s flashlight was a special one with a wide reflector setting that enabled them to observe the machine and the several dozen boxes around it.

Arthur walked towards the open box next to the machine, but Merlin stopped in awe in front of it.

“A single complete drug producing machine,” Merlin murmured, brushing his fingers across the surface as he walked around it, “Agravaine must be incredibly thick, this is high quality.”

Arthur grabbed some bottles from the box and pushed them harshly in Merlin’s hands. “Just take some pictures and let’s get out of here.”

He saw the figure by the door thanks to the camera’s flashlight before he heard the click of the light switch.

-

He was still squinting but his gun was already pointing in the direction of a man by the door, who had the same trouble adjusting to the sudden light in the area. When Arthur could finally see clearly again, the only reason he didn’t drop his gun was that the tension was holding his body frozen.

The man standing by the door wasn’t just the random security personnel they saw the day before. His confident stance as he pointed his gun steadily at Arthur spoke of his professionalism already, and while Arthur was still struggling to place why he found the face familiar, the man spoke.

“Fancy meeting you here, Arthur,” the man said and Arthur could finally place him - it was one of his old colleagues from the SIS training camp, Valiant D.

“Did not expect to meet you again at a place like this,” he said, eyes never leaving the other man, but he motioned with his free hand for Merlin to move behind him, hoping he saw it, “I thought you got into MI5.”

“Who said I didn’t?”

Arthur reeled from the implications of the answer, and Valiant kept smiling smugly at him. But... it was too extreme to even think about it, sure they would have known about it ahead. Feeling Merlin’s presence close behind him woke him from the frozen stupor, but all he managed was a slightly croaky “what exactly are you doing here?”

“Did you really think only your... special little organization is following Agravaine’s interests?” Valiant said in a condescending voice, but with contempt at the mention of Camelot. Arthur didn’t know whether it was general bitterness for Camelot’s recruiting strategies which some considered “stealing” of the SIS graduates or something more personal, but he didn’t care particularly at the moment.

“Are you implying that...”

“We support this project? Yes I do.”

Arthur didn’t think the world had a clear line between good and bad people. He knew the ugly games of politics, the difficult web of controversies which enabled people to reach and hold on to power. It was something he stopped getting angry at years ago, when the hotheaded superhero wannabe he used to be finally grew up and realized he was too small to change the way the entire world worked, and focused on what he could actually do. He loved Camelot because they had a better moral compass than any other, politically affected organization, but still he never really believed the extreme conspiracy theories that popped up from time to time... not until this moment.

Because if this was all true, and why wouldn’t it be, considering the way Valiant pointed his gun at them, then it meant the government supported these drugs. These mentally impairing, manipulatable obsession inducing drugs. The thought simultaneously filled him with cold terror and burning anger. He brought up his left hand to hold his gun steadily with both. Valiant accepted his challenge with the lift of his head, his expression losing its teasing edge and changing to blankness. He was a soldier, someone who followed his orders without complaint. He was someone Arthur could have become, but as Merlin’s barely present touch on the small of his back reminded him, he was not.

“If you surrender everything you collected and swear to stop sniffing around, I will let you go,” Valiant said.

“Even if I believed that I wouldn’t agree to it,” Arthur spat back, feeling the swirling emotions inside him manifest into sheer determination. His mind was racing with ideas and solutions to their situation.

“Very well then,” Valiant said with a shrug, then reached into his pocket to bring out a phone. Arthur hastily pushed Merlin right behind the machine and then fired his gun but it was too late - even though Valiant couldn’t got to speak into the receiver, the dialling has started, which meant that reinforcements would be on the way. Arthur’s shot didn’t actually reach Valiant just distracted him, and Arthur swiftly rolled out of the way of his responding shot.

He kneeled down behind the machine with Merlin who was looking at him with a pale face but clear, focused eyes.

“Are you going to play hide and seek now?” Valiant’s voice came from the same distance. Arthur got his second gun out of his shoulder holster and put it in the more convenient waist holster while murmuring to Merlin, “While I distract him, make a run for it and don’t stop until you get to the car. Wait for me there.”

Merlin looked at him with the same hard eyes he used in their arguments in the past days, but Arthur didn’t let it get to him this time. “Remember your promise.”

When they heard Valiant starting to walk, Arthur gave Merlin one more pleading look. The other man finally gave in with a brief nod.

Arthur took one final look at Merlin’s face, then jumped out from behind their cover.

-

If it were up to Arthur, Merlin would be miles from away from anything resembling to a gun, but as things stood now, Arthur’s own body and a few metres were the only things protecting him. Arthur focused on all his field training and experience, reading Valiant’s body and trying to occupy him just long enough for Merlin to get out of the room.

Fickle mind tricks would probably not work on the trained agent, so instead Arthur initiated and forced the action, making several shots a bit on the side which had Valiant ever so slightly step away from the direction of the door. Both of them ended up using the boxes as temporary covers, and when Valiant jumped behind one close to the machine, Arthur saw their chance.

The next time he exchanged fire with Valiant, he managed to force the agent behind the machine, on the side opposite the door. Merlin was no longer hiding behind its shorter side by then, as he gradually moved forward behind the boxes. Arthur seeked his eyes from a few metres away then nodded pointedly. When Merlin returned the gesture, he stood up and started walking towards the machine, continuously firing with both guns in turns. Valiant was forced to stay hidden and his view was heavily obscured by the various installments on the machine.

When Merlin tapped heavily on the metal door, Arthur hid behind another box and listened to the comforting sound of Merlin’s running steps slowly fading away.

-

Arthur’s big show was a double-edged sword - he ran out of ammunition in both guns, and Valiant probably figured as much, but Arthur had no intention of falling on that sword.

His body was alive with adrenaline now that he didn’t have to be careful about how the fight affected their surroundings, about stray shots or unexpected behavior. Valiant’s entire focus was on Arthur, because he knew he had to get through him to hunt down Merlin who ran off with the information, and Arthur liked that. His martial arts skills were not refined or artistic as in the movies, but they made his body feel alive with some kind of ancient power, and he called upon that as he managed to confront Valiant in hand-to-hand combat.

Guns forgotten, they were now laying punches on each other, fast enough to keep the other from drawing forward any other weapons. Arthur soon felt himself gaining the upper hand, landing blow after blow and forcing Valiant backwards, but his rhythm got broken when Valiant, probably by chance, heavily hit his shoulder wound.

Arthur couldn’t help groaning and wincing at the sudden hot searing pain in his arm, and Valiant took his chance to place two other hits to his stomach which had Arthur toppling over to the floor. Breathing through the aches, he managed to trip Valiant with his legs as he bent down for his previously dropped gun and then crawled forward in an attempt to climb over him, but Valiant turned on his side and aimed a fast hit. Arthur caught his fist with his right hand and with a harsh twist pulled Valiant’s arm backwards, forcing him on his stomach. He managed to climb on Valiant’s back this time, holding him down with his weight. He grabbed his other hand as well, forcing them together over his back, using a great force despite the screaming pain in his left arm.

“What are the chances of you spilling anything?” Arthur asked, once he caught his breath.

“None,” Valiant answered still smugly despite this position, but his professional dedication was something Arthur counted on.

He didn’t feel like talking anyway.

Grabbing Valiant’s arms with one hand, he used the other to land a blow by hitting the back of his head by his ear. Valiant lost consciousness at once, but Arthur wasn’t sure how effective that could be so he used Valiant’s own jacket to hold his arms together in a tight knot.

He stood up, ignoring the pain in several parts of his body. He looked through the room, and although several boxes were toppled over, with plastic bottles scattering the floor, the warzone look calmed him and put him in the mood he needed to assess the situation. He mentally ran through the key points - mission uncovered, opposition’s reinforcements on the way, and even in the case of their successful escape, all their collected information would be of no use. There were bigger forces at work, the entire mission would be scrapped, best case scenario, with them forced to move on and turn a blind eye to everything they knew. But that was not the foolproof scenario, and he didn’t want to think about the lengths they would go to silence them. It was a wonder they reached this state at all.

At once, it was clear for Arthur what he needed to do. There were easier paths, maybe, but not the kind he could walk on. But before proceeding with his plan, he allowed himself a single personal moment.

He activated the communication device on his jacket.

“Merlin? Can you hear me?”

“Yes, where are you?” arrived Merlin’s voice right away in the earpiece of the headset hidden inside his ear.

“Still in the factory, I’ve just disarmed Valiant. Are you by the car?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Get in and lock it. If someone approaches you, drive away. If I’m not there in half an hour, drive away.”

“Arthur, what are you doing?”

“Cleaning up. Merlin, will you do as I said?”

Long seconds stretched in silence before Merlin breathed, barely audibly “yes.” One part of Arthur was relieved that Merlin would comply with the instructions for his safety, but a small childish part was disappointed they didn’t indulge in one last banter.

“Good. Take care,” he said then ripped out his earpiece in the middle of Merlin’s voicing of his name, not trusting himself to be able to finish the conversation otherwise.

Merlin was smart, he probably already reached the same conclusion as Arthur did, and maybe even figured out what he intended to do. Arthur could only hope that Merlin was smart enough to respect his decision.

He reloaded both of his guns with the only two magazines he had left and dragged Valiant’s still unconscious body just a few metres outside the main entrance, then ran back to the laboratory. He didn’t know how much time he had left before the acclaimed reinforcements arrived, but he didn’t waste any of it.


	13. Chapter 13

**06/04/2012, 12.05 a.m. GMT**

**Crawley, West Sussex, England**

After the communication line went dead, Merlin had to force himself to hold on to the car and not run back to Arthur in the factory. He knew, logically, that he would be of no use to the agent, quite the opposite, if he was still there when the bad guys arrived, but that didn’t stop him from feeling incredibly worried about the agent. Arthur sounded confident, but in a resigned way, and Merlin feared for what he planned.

But Merlin already played his ace, and now all he could do was stare at the sky, waiting.

-

“ _Hello, I’m looking for the Bond girl support group,” Merlin whispered into his phone, hiding in Arthur’s bathroom, calling Gwen as his last resort._

_The final part of their mission would be tomorrow. Arthur’s every move was rigged with solid determination, eyes distant in a way they hadn’t been before. It terrified Merlin but he couldn’t talk about it, because Arthur wanted to exclude him as it was already._

“ _Of course I’m scared, but the thought of him finishing up with someone else after all the work we did together sounds unbearable,” Merlin confessed to Gwen upon her question, not feeling any embarrassment over sharing his troubles with the sweet girl he got to know just a few days ago, “but what I’m really afraid of is how mindlessly he clings to the entire lonely superhero concept.”_

_Merlin was covering his fear with jokes, and it spoke volumes of Gwen’s character that she did not actually laugh, but heard what he really meant to say. Merlin knew of her long term relationship with Lancelot, another agent, and while him and Arthur were not nearly at that point, he felt somewhat of a kinship with her._

“ _He’s always been like that, even after he came up with the Round Table initiative,” Gwen said, her voice comforting, but Merlin frowned in confusion._

“ _What’s the Round Table initiative?” he asked, ignoring the humour of the name._

“ _It’s an idea to reinvent Camelot’s current operating style and to send bigger groups for missions, but they haven’t really managed to convince the entire board yet,” Gwen stopped for a second, and Merlin wondered whether she could get in trouble for talking about it, “Camelot prouds itself on being invisible and that’s more difficult with bigger groups, but Arthur was passionate about the idea because he thought some people were unnecessarily put in too much danger.”_

_That did sound like him. Merlin wondered why he hadn’t mentioned it before, or why didn’t they bring it up with Gaius during the planning. Their current situation, almost completely exposed, was very fragile. But he kept his mouth shut - until this moment._

“ _Yet he does not worry of the same for himself,” he sighed, brain raking, “say Gwen, what state is this initiative in?”_

“ _Officially none, it’s just Arthur and his few friends, Lancelot included. They had a test run last month but it didn’t really turn out well.”_

“ _And unofficially?” Merlin prompted._

“ _Any of them would drop everything to help the other. Merlin, do you think your mission is that dangerous? Did you let Gaius know about it?”_

“ _It’s a... delicate situation,” he answered, realizing Arthur might not had been the only stubborn idiot here, “it should be fine, but say, would it be possible to call up on some backup in case things misfire?”_

“ _None of the boys have any missions currently, I think they can be persuaded,” Gwen said, and Merlin’s spirit picked up, “but we don’t have clearance to use the aircrafts without official approval.”_

_A wrecked laugh escaped Merlin as some of his worries seemed to finally get resolved, “I think I can do something about that.”_

-

And now he was standing approximately 200 meters from the factory, feeling not really confident even after calling Lancelot once he was outside. The agents were on their way, supposedly, but there was no telling whether they would arrive in time before the other party - and more importantly, Arthur was still nowhere to be seen.

His eerie call hunted Merlin, and he didn’t know what to make of it. He didn’t think Arthur would lie to him about defeating Valiant, but what was there left to clean up? Surely at this point they wouldn’t be able to hide their intrusion at all. Their mission had been completely exposed, and potentially annihilated regardless of their success in escaping today.

Merlin didn’t know much about where Camelot stood with politics - sure they were government independent, but as far as he knew they never went right up against them, for the sake of their continued existence probably. If the secret service supported the Betastrong project, if they knew what it was about and approved of it, all of their collected proof would fall on deaf ears. Merlin was sickened by the concept and feared for what the future could bring if the project actually got approved. Government support meant government interest in the applications, and sure there was already subtle social control via the news, it never actually reached the state of taking away people’s free will.

He realized Viviane didn’t take them completely seriously because of this support. He should have realized sooner that the easiness of their mission was not thanks to simple chance.

He also should have realized what Arthur’s answer to the prospect of this grim future would be, but by the time he started running back, smoke was already rising from the factory.

-

Merlin was almost halfway to the burning building, panic rising in his chest, when he heard the rotor of an approaching helicopter. He stopped and looked up hopefully, but had no idea who was actually in the white aircraft.

The rifle pointing right at him from the lowering machine made it obvious soon enough.

The helicopter landed a respectable distance from the building, but the rifle was shining even in the distance and Merlin could do nothing but freeze on spot. Valiant was not offensive right away, maybe they wouldn’t be either. He raised his arms above his head in surrender.

He saw men jumping off the open platform: one, two, three, four... and the unmoving rifle pointing at him from inside. Then two more from the pilot seats. The odds looked... promising. He didn’t know how could Arthur take on an opposition of this size alone, if he was still alive at all.

That thought sent a fresh wave of terror over him, much stronger than the peril he felt over his own situation. Arthur surely did not intend to sacrifice himself along with the drugs, did he?

The rifle and one other man remained, but the others started walking towards the factory, and all Merlin could do was watch, unmoving.

One of the men started coming towards him, gun raised. He had no idea what looked suspicious about him. He had a small handgun on his belt but Arthur told him it was rather for decoration and Merlin should not use it because he would just end up injuring himself.

He didn’t argue, shooting games were never really his forte.

He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to feel at the sight of the approaching foe. The movies never really got into detail with that, aside from making the kidnapped heroine shake with tears. Was he supposed to have that life summarizing flashback now? Dying seemed such a surreal concept, even when facing a gun. Clearly, this was not actually his life. He would wake up any moment now, thinking it was an elaborate wank fantasy.

But for now, his mind kept chanting Arthur’s name all over again, and all he did was look ahead, insensibly.

He was just starting to make out the emotionless face of the man walking towards him when he heard the sound of another helicopter approaching. The noise soon got overwhelming, yet if felt like the voice of the angels.

His opposer was distracted enough by the commotion that by the time he reached for Merlin to use as a hostage, he was prepared and kicked the man hard in the shin. Sure it wasn’t the most powerful kick, but it was enough to make the man bend momentarily in pain, and thus avert his gun from Merlin’s chest. That was however as far as his self defence knowledge ran. He started running back towards the shelter of the car, trying to run in zig-zags.

He didn’t stop even when the shooting started. None seemed to have hit him, or he just didn’t realize yet because he was operating on an insane adrenaline rush. He soon reached the car, and stopped to look out from behind it.

He could see a motionless figure on the ground where he started running from. The rifleman seemed to have abandoned his long weapon and was now firing with a smaller gun towards the direction of the second helicopter, which landed somewhere between the first one and Merlin’s current position. He could see some guys jumping out from the door opposite the building - he thought he could recognize the one with the flowing curls and the giant one.

When he saw the guy with the rifle fall to the ground, he started running for the aircraft while simultaneously saw four figures moving towards the burning building. When he reached the machine only Lancelot was inside it, and Merlin found himself starting to babble.

“Thank you so much for coming I thought they’d have reinforced security not call for reinforcements later and I don’t know what Arthur is doing but there were at least four people going inside after him and-”

Lancelot grabbed him roughly by the shoulders, steadying the shaking Merlin didn’t even realize he had.

“Calm down, Merlin, we have it covered now.”

“But he sounded so resigned when we last talked I have no idea what he planned to do and oh only if I figured out sooner that he would burn the building down but no he had to be all Clark Kent-”

“Merlin, Arthur is many things but not suicidal. He can take of himself. They’ll bring him back.”

More words were threatening to spill out of his mouth but he bit down on his lips instead, accepting Lancelot’s reassurance. He would not keep on shrieking like a cliched blonde lovesick fool. No.

Oh dear Spock, he _was_ a lovesick fool.

He spent the torturous moments of waiting thinking about how could he kidnap Arthur, put him in a small box and keep him there, safely, for the rest of his life. But he realized, that tragically, half of Arthur’s charm was his selfless stupid heroism and it’d be a crime to take that away from him.

Lancelot’s calmness was the only thing that kept him from going completely crazy, because they had no way of telling what was going on inside the building that was slowly completely enveloped by flames. The crackling sound was all around them, they could not even hear any shots.

“Do you often have to sit behind?” he asked Lancelot when he reached the point of anxiety where Lancelot’s stillness became unbelievable.

“We don’t actually have group missions, so not really,” he answered, “but there are some things you need to get used to if you want to keep a clear head and good efficiency.” Merlin shuddered at the concept, to which Lancelot grasped his shoulder firmly once more. “Everything’s going to be fine,” he said, and Merlin almost believed him.

By the time they finally saw some people walking back from the building, Merlin felt more unstable than he did at any point of his childhood. When he jumped up excitedly, Lancelot held him back with a hand and started talking into his headset.

“What is the group’s situation?” he asked. His face was a stoic mask as he listened, except for one small twitch of his eye.

“I’ll start the engine, we will take off immediately,” he answered, and Merlin looked eagerly at him. So it was their group that was walking back victorious!

Lancelot, however, didn’t smile at him relieved as he expected him to. “They’ve succeeded. Do you have everything with you?”

Merlin patted his backpack. He didn’t even think of taking it off during the past half an hour. “Yes, what’s wrong?”

“Someone is injured, lay out the blue stretcher from the back while I start things up,” was Lancelot’s curt explanation and then he climbed back to the pilot seat.

Despite the rising bile of anxiety in his throat, Merlin did as he was told. He unfolded the leather stretcher and unlocked the stripes on it, placing it by the open entrance of the aircraft. He watched as the figures grew closer - and he could only count to four. The fifth seemed to be lying in the giant’s arms. Before he could determine the identity for sure, Lancelot called from the front.

“Get out your car keys, Elyan will drive it back to headquarters.”

Once again he let the task occupy him, and by the time he looked up he could make out with certainty that Arthur’s body was lying limp in the big guys’ arms.

Time seemed to stop as his eyes swept over Arthur’s burnt and bloody form. Merlin only started breathing again when he felt someone tugging the keys out from his numb fingers. He let them go then stepped aside to allow the others to lift Arthur’s body on the stretcher. He was unconscious and looked absolutely battered, clothes shattered and blood oozing from his hairline.

Merlin let himself be pushed gently inside the aircraft, then dropped down next to the stretcher, fingers reaching out weakly to brush against Arthur’s cheek. He struggled to calm the turmoil inside himself, but seeing Arthur fragile like this shook him in the very core. His fears for Arthur’s condition got doubled by the fright for the intensity of his feelings, of this deep rooted connection that seemed to twist in misery inside him, and all he could do was cling to Arthur’s hand like a lifeline, blessing every surge of his pulse.

He was barely aware of one of the guys nudging him aside and putting some bandages on Arthur, or the helicopter taking off. It was only when they forced Arthur’s hand out of his, taking him away on the stretcher, that he became aware of his surroundings again.

They’ve landed on the rooftop of Camelot’s headquarters, or so Lancelot kept telling him, but Merlin realized the only thing he could articulate was Arthur’s name. He was led to a room with a small bed, and was given some pills, water and instructions to rest.

He drank the water then ended up playing all the Angry Birds games on his phone, letting the mindless activity occupy him. After some time, which might have been hours or thirty minutes, he wasn’t sure, he just gave up and strolled out of the room. He had no idea where he was at first, but after following some distant voices, he found the group of agents along with Gwen standing by a door. They all stopped talking when he appeared, which gave him an anxious feeling, but he was past the point of caring about pretenses.

“How is he?” he asked, voice as steady as possible.

Gwen walked to his side right away and started comfortingly stroking his arm. “Merlin, you should rest, you had a shock.”

“I’m fine,” he said harshly, stepping away from her soft touch, “how is Arthur?”

“He is going to be fine, has some burns and was knocked out by some falling debris,” the tall bearded man said. He looked the most mature of the bunch, and Merlin was glad to be taken seriously. “They’re patching him up right now,” he said, motioning towards the door.

“Good, I shall wait for him to wake up here then,” Merlin concluded then stubbornly sat down on the floor, resting his back against the wall.

“Merlin, I really think you should-” Gwen started, looking at him worriedly, but was interrupted by Gwaine who said, “Oh let him be, you wouldn’t be able to stay away if it was Lance inside there, either.”

“That’s not exactly the same, though,” the giant one said, a confused frown appearing on his innocent face.

“It is,” Merlin whispered, “it is exactly the same.”

The confession didn’t feel difficult or embarrassing, as it was simply an echo of what clarified inside him in the past hours. His feelings went on an uncontrolled rampage during his worry for Arthur, and he had not an ounce of care left to worry about their ridiculous unreasonableness. So yeah, what if he had known the oaf for three weeks, that fact didn’t do him any good when faced with the realization that he didn’t want to envision any future without Arthur by his side.

The others left him alone after that. Some doctor-like person came out of the room after approximately seventeen minutes. Merlin jumped up anxiously.

“He will be fine,” the man said, addressing Lancelot, “has several second degree burns, his shoulder wound opened and probably has a mild concussion, but the head injury is not serious. He will be awake in a few hours, someone should stay with him and let me know when it happens.”

“Thank you, Tud,” Lancelot answered, “will do.”

“I can stay with him,” Merlin said right away. The others measured him silently, and Gwen looked like she wanted to say something again, but then she just shook her head with a small smile.

“Sure. But if you feel sleepy let me know and we can switch.”

Merlin nodded absentmindedly in answer then finally entered the room.

It looked like something right out of a proper hospital. There were several high white beds, but only one of them was occupied. Arthur was propped up on it, face cleaned - or at least what was still visible under the several bandages covering his body. Merlin walked closer to him in a trance, much too aware of the humming of the machines around them.

He stroked Arthur’s cheek once more, but it was the comforting feeling of soft skin and not dried blood against his fingers this time.

“I hate you,” he murmured, then took off his shoes and carefully climbed on the bed, fitting himself in the small space by Arthur’s side. He put his hand on Arthur’s chest, and focused on the steady rise and fall of it.

There were still questions and yet to be made decisions swirling in his mind, but for now they were all replaced with the wonderful feeling of following Arthur’s breathing. In and out. In and out.

-

“Merrrrrrlin,” he woke from his light slumber to the idiotic pronunciation of his name. There was only one person who said it like that.

“You’re awake” he exclaimed, looking up at Arthur’s face, the sudden joy clearing the haziness of his mind.

“Not for long if you keep lying on me like that,” Arthur answered and Merlin realized he was half on top of the agent.

“Oh my, I’m really sorry I didn’t want to hurt you,” he mumbled in horror and started scampering away but when he made to get off the bed Arthur held him in place.

“That’s okay,” he said, “how are you?”

Merlin stared incredulously it Arthur. There was a bandage all across his forehead, but his eyes under it were serious and honest. He couldn’t help the nervous laugh that escaped him.

  
“Me? I’m not the one who went all suicidal, you absolute idiot,” he scolded.

Arthur smiled sheepishly in response, “was not suicidal.”

Merlin rolled his eyes, “whatever,” then leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss against Arthur’s lips, “don’t do it again, scared the shit out of me,” he whispered, still staying close.

“I can’t make promises like that,” Arthur answered solemnly after a while, “this is my job.”

“Well,” Merlin said, dropping back on the bed, “then it will be my job to keep you alive.”

Arthur laughed softly, then coughed some more after it. “What happened, anyway?”

“I called reinforcements. You got knocked out at one point.”

“Reinforcements?”

“The knights of the round table,” Merlin said, and the surprise on Arthur’s face was beautiful.

“Really, they...?”

“Came? Of course they came. Go figure your stupid organization needed _my_ brilliance for that.”

“Are they all alright?” Arthur asked, and Merlin almost died from the fondness he felt at the question.

“Yes, they all are.”

Arthur relaxed against the bed again, then said, “thank you.”

“Any time,” Merlin answered, meaning it. Arthur smiled at him with unmasked adoration for a while, then his expression switched to distant all of a sudden.

“My entire body hurts. Should probably rest some more,” he said, turning his head towards the ceiling.

Merlin was a bit unnerved by the change in the mood, but he couldn’t argue with Arthur’s point, even though he had a vague memory of some kind of responsibility he had. Before he figured it out, though, his relief and contentedness pulled him back into a deep sleep.

-

The next time he woke, he was not in the same place, which was obvious right away thanks to the absence of Arthur by his side.

He sat up fast, panicking slightly, and determined that he was in the same room they put him to rest for the first time. For a brief insane moment, he wondered whether he dreamed seeing Arthur again, but then he realized the room wasn’t entirely the same as before.

There was still a glass of water on the table, but instead of pills there was an envelope next to it. When he opened it, he found a receipt for a money transfer towards his account with the amount Gaius mentioned to him for taking this job what felt like a lifetime ago. There was also paid travel plan inside for flights from London to Berlin. The first flight leaving in... four hours according to the clock on the wall.

He felt disoriented. He looked around the room and found his luggage bag lying by the wall. He walked over to open it and it was full with his things and some more. There was a shirt there which didn’t belong to him.

He looked at it, feeling the numbness of his body grow into a cold understanding.

His mission was over, he got paid, and it was time to leave. Wasn’t really a difficult deduction.

His phone buzzed and he scampered to pull it out of his pocket, relief building in his chest. Surely this was just some form of miscommunication.

His last message came from an unknown number and read:

**Good job. I’m willing to pay you and obscene amount of money in exchange for the information you collected. Connect me as usual. - Kilgharrah**

Merlin deleted the message without a second thought. That was when he realized he had an another unread message. It came from Arthur’s number, approximately an hour ago, and it only contained one word:

**Goodbye.**

That one Merlin ended up keeping for the months to come.


	14. Chapter 14

**13/07/2012, 7.12 p.m. GMT**

**?, London, England**

Arthur entered his empty flat tiredly, dropping off his jacket by the door and making a beeline for the couch.

 _Empty_. That adjective had not been so regularly assigned to his perception of the flat, not until three or so months ago.

He sighed, brushing a hand over his face. He was drained after an entire day spent among the ridiculous Olympic preparations, but not tired enough to ignore the ever present ache in his chest.

How could three weeks spent with someone blast such a hole inside him that it still stung three _months_ later, he had no idea. But he had already given up on understanding it, and learned to live with it - or well, ignore it most of the time.

 _It was for the best_ , he repeated to himself again. He could still recall the last time he saw Merlin, lying next to him in the infirmary bed, looking shaken but eager and adoring. And all Arthur could think about was how he did not belong there. Merlin’s promise to stay by his side warmed Arthur’s heart then broke it into a million pieces, the idea of Merlin being exposed to such danger again scaring him to the bones. The weeks they spent together were magical - strange but somewhat right in their own way. It felt like an echo of the life Arthur could have had, where everything was easy as long as he finished the day by Merlin’s bony arms sticking into his side, hogging the blankets.

But that was not the life he chose and he realized he could not go back on that decision. He watched as Merlin drifted to sleep by his side, a small smile playing on his lips. He looked innocent in his slumber, reminding Arthur of their first meeting. Even though Merlin proved himself to be much more than Arthur expected, he still had a refreshing childish energy around him, and Arthur hated to think what them staying together would do to it.

He saw what this profession did to his father and his relationships. He could not bare to live through anything like that again. He would rather suffer than risk the destruction that would inevitably ensue. And so he did the one thing he never allowed himself in his profession - he ran away like a coward.

He had it arranged that Merlin was carefully carried somewhere else, then asked for Gaius to visit him first thing when he came to the office. The chief looked distraught but supported him in his plan. His friends helped him by collecting Merlin’s things from his flat, and while some looked at him judgmentally, Gwen in particular, no one said anything, probably with respect to his state.

It had been a topic he had religiously avoided ever since, only secretly checking up on the surveillance Camelot had on Merlin. They weren’t sure what Agravaine’s and Viviane’s reaction would be to the complete destruction of their factory and products, or whether they’d seek victory or not. Arthur’s identity was still protected, but Merlin was a proven link. So far no one tried to approach him, and Arthur hoped it remained that way.

The mission itself was only a half-success as well - the entire factory burnt down, and while the media coverage was stifled rather fast, no new moves on Agravaine’s or Viviane’s part were seen yet. According to Gaius, the medicine manufacturing machine found in the laboratory was incredibly expensive and probably an enormous loss. But they could not actually expose the bad guys, and their only consolation was that apparently SIS didn’t know about their involvement, or at least had chosen to ignore it for now. The ground was still shaky regarding the entire business and several agents were working on different surveillance points, but Arthur excused himself for continuing on the project.

It took him a month to recover from his various injuries, and since then he was stuck on preparing the grounds for some visiting foreign royalties who wished to enjoy the Olympics under Camelot’s subtle protection. It was boring and monotone work but he buried himself in it as usual.

The best thing that happened to him in the last months was the surprising reconcilement with Morgana - she contacted him a few days after the Betastrong mission ended, jokingly scolding him for robbing her of her job. She didn’t share much of what happened to her aside from being friends with Morgause and getting talked into taking a job in the online advertisement for the mysterious medicine, and they both decided to leave out the details they knew. Since then they had weekly or biweekly phone calls, which were reminiscent of the old times, except they ignored some things which were uncomfortable to talk about - mainly, their father.

Uther was doing fine, and Arthur still kept visiting him. He would probably never be back to the man he was before, but he seemed happy, and that was all that mattered to Arthur. He sometimes wondered whether one day he would be sitting similarly in a wheelchair by a lake, but those visions were hunted by the ghost of Merlin by his side, ridiculing him for something he said or what not. Those visions were quickly dismissed as always.

He sighed now, standing up from the couch and walking to the kitchen. He still hadn’t grasped the meaning of life, and he decided he wasn’t supposed to. Being successful at his job was the only surefire way to make the most use of his existence, not by wondering about its purpose.

His fridge stared back at him emptily, and he grabbed his phone to order some take out. The girl on the other line recognized his voice and he refused to think about how sad it was and just ordered the usual.

He decided to take a quick shower while waiting for the delivery, and was still drying up when he heard the doorbell ringing.

“That was fast,” he murmured, hastily putting on some clothes, wondering whether being a regular customer entitled him to faster delivery now.

He was scrambling for some change in his wallet as he opened the door, but when he looked up it was not the Chinese delivery boy he got used to seeing.

It was the ghost hunting him, instead in flesh, alive and breathing.

“Merlin,” he breathed in surprise, almost dropping his wallet. The man looked the same as ever, if not more beautiful than Arthur’s memories painted him. His eyes looked hard, but there was a small smile on his lips and Arthur felt himself mirroring it.

“Can I come in? I’m sorry I’m not bearing any dinner,” he said, motioning towards Arthur’s hands.

“Sure,” Arthur said dumbly, opening the door wider. Merlin came in bearing two big suitcases, and dropped them off a few feet in with a tired huff. Arthur closed the door, staring at it, contemplating how it would block his escape if he had an emotional breakdown in the next three seconds. Not that he had ever had one of those.

“So, erh, what brings you here?” he asked, and earned some comfort from seeing that Merlin looked a bit nervous as well. But then he suddenly stopped fiddling with his fingers, and looked up, standing straight and holding his gaze firmly.

“I got a job in the neighborhood, can I move in for a while?” he asked, though it really rather felt like a statement. Arthur couldn’t look away from his shining blue eyes, neither could he seem to formulate a coherent response. He was not prepared for Merlin to suddenly pop in his life like that, and bring back all the feelings he had been fighting for the past months, as if nothing happened. But again, Merlin rarely did anything the way Arthur expected him to.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” he ended up asking eventually.

“You still think you know what’s good for me better than I do?” Merlin returned angrily, and although Arthur winced at the accusation, his fighting spirits seemed to awake by reflex.

“Is this about you throwing away your whole life for a fling again?” he rebutted, but instantly regretted it over seeing the hurt flash across Merlin’s face. It resonated inside his chest with a pang and he realized he was not ready to have this debate in person, not when his instinct was to close the distance between them and crush the other man against his chest.

Merlin walked towards him, the lines of his face pronounced in his fury, but there was something vulnerable in his eyes that made Arthur shut up for the entire duration of Merlin’s upcoming rant.

“You might be a freaking martyr but you have no right to make me into one as well,” he started, finger poking Arthur in the chest, “I don’t know why you have this fixation with being miserable but I certainly don’t intend to be even if unluckily a damn idiot like you is the solution for that, and don’t tell me you haven’t been miserable because I got phone calls from Gwen, Gaius and even freaking Gwaine begging me to come back and do something about, I quote, ‘the walking rain cloud that makes it impossible to be in the same room with him’ and sure for a while I thought an enormous twat like you was not worth the trouble at all except the weeks passed and I still couldn’t go back to my old life because you fucking messed it all up and gave it a new meaning with your stupid ideals and heroism and you need someone to keep you in track from going all Mr. Suicidal and to get it into your thick head that your life matters as well, and since I appear to be doomed to emotionally depend on your existence I might as well take up the task and whether you like it or not I’ll be working at Camelot making sure you don’t blow anything up over your head again and if you want me to leave your apartment now you better give me a proper reason this time instead of a text message or god help me I’ll make sure you get assigned with all the superstar babysitting missions.”

“You’re working for Camelot?” Arthur asked, the small coldness peaking through the butterflies of emotions inside him.

Merlin sighed, his shoulders sagged and he looked back up at Arthur with an exasperated expression. “Is that seriously all you got from my monologue? I’ve been rehearsing it all the way here.”

Arthur felt himself near exploding with fondness, the gaping hole in his chest being filled with warm swirls of growing happiness. It was thrilling, the change Merlin had on him, and his confession was probably the sweetest thing he had ever heard in his life. He stood in awe confronted by Merlin’s bravery in both admitting his feelings and fighting for what he wanted. All of his resolves and issues were crumbling fast as his heart grew light just from Merlin’s presence, and he wondered whether it was maybe time for him as well to be brave enough to go for what he wanted...

...because there was no denying that it was this feeling of natural chemistry, and this incredibly unique man he wanted, in every single second of his life. It probably wouldn’t be easy. They’d end up driving each other crazy. Loud arguments might happen over the smallest things. There might be some pain along the way as well, the closer they got to each other.

But Arthur wanted it all, and seeing Merlin do the same made him take the leap as well. A dopey grin appeared on his face as he let go of his worries, momentarily at least.

“Meaning of your life, you say?” he asked teasingly.

Merlin rolled his eyes, but he returned his smile with a blinding wide one that created dimples on his face. “Oh, shut up,” he said, then crashed their mouths together. Their kisses were wild, desperate, then slowed down into soft nibblings. Arthur treasured every taste, concluding that his memories didn’t do them any justice.

They parted for breaths but kept standing close, with Arthur’s hands cradling Merlin’s face.

“Hey,” he said, and Merlin just stared at him with a dazed, content smile. How could he ever imagine living without this sight before him?

Arthur pressed their bodies close, embracing Merlin, yearning to keep this surreal moment alive. He felt giddy with emotions, and turned his face to whisper against Merlin’s ear. “Do you want to hear a secret?” he asked, and Merlin just shuddered in response, “I didn’t even have a life before you.”

Merlin leant back to look him in the face, head cocked to the side in wonder. “You bloody ridiculous prat,” he said softly, then pressed Arthur up against the wall and started kissing him with a passion that made Arthur see stars, of the good kind.

“Damn it,” Arthur cursed when the doorbell rang, having completely forgotten about his order.

When he walked back with the food after paying, Merlin was already setting the table, and he suddenly knew that everything would be fine, because even if things got complicated, he would not be afraid to fight for what he believed in.

And what they had.. was worth believing in.

(Even if Merlin was stealing his noodles.)

**THE END**


End file.
